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I understand everything you people are saying, especially the women.
But it is really important to me that she forgets about that list, Im making compromises for her, actually leaving my whole life behind because of her.
Is it too much too ask to get rid of a stupid list in return of everything Im giving up for her?
It's not too much to ask your future wife to let the past go. Some of the women on here are just displaying their go-girl nonsense. If this was a guy with a 4 page list he would be deemed a creep.
So Ive been dating this german girl for over a year and a few weeks ago I asked her to marry me. Everything was going great even though we had to split for a while (she lives in Germany and I live in Mexico).
Im moving to Germany for her, leaving my company, my family and my friends behind to be with her because she says she cant live away from her parents.
A week ago we were facetiming and she brought up her "sex partners" list to the conversation. I knew she had boyfriends before me and also not boyfriend guys who she slept with, with which Im ok giving that I was highly sexually active before meeting her.
After learning about this list, I told her it makes me very uncomfortable that she keeps a list that reminds her of her past sex partners and relationships, so I asked her to get rid of it.
Her response was a negative. She said that it was important to her to keep that list because in 20 or 30 years she wants to know the names of the guys with whom she slept with in order for her not to feel like a *****.
I responded telling her that she doesn't need to know that, that all that is in the past and she should let it go. I also told her that it was very important to me for her to make that list disappear.
She keeps saying no, even though that might always be a problem between us.
What you guys think? Am I being irational or is she? Is it really worth it to jeopardize our relationship for a list? And by the way, I think girl keeping such lists is not classy and lady-like.
Thank you
Trying to make her discard a part of her past that she wants to keep is overly controlling. Tell her she is of course free to keep the list but that you don't wish to discuss it again because it makes you uncomfortable, and if she respects your wishes in this, you will respect hers. Then leave it be.
But--if she continues to bring it up, knowing that it makes you uncomfortable, that is a red flag that she likes needling you, and in that case, you might want to reconsider the relationship.
Are you really worried about the list or are you using that as an excuse for not giving up everything and moving halfway around the world? Because really I'd seriously have my doubts about a woman who is making me give up everything because she he can't leave her parents. Relationships are about give and take and she seems to be doing all the taking and no giving.
It's not too much to ask your future wife to let the past go. Some of the women on here are just displaying their go-girl nonsense. If this was a guy with a 4 page list he would be deemed a creep.
I know my husbands history...he was no saint. I don't think he ever kept a list but it wouldn't bug me.
If you let a little thing like this bug you....not much hope....how are you going to react if it's something that's an actual issue?
Are you really worried about the list or are you using that as an excuse for giving up everything and moving halfway around the world? Because really I'd seriously have my doubts about a woman who is making me give up everything because she he can't leave her parents. Relationships are about give and take and she seems to be doing all the taking and no giving.
If one can deal with the other partners needs...then they shouldn't move...but move on.
This woman has said up front that she doesn't want to leave Germany...it's the OPS choice to move or not. She's not forcing him.....it's 100% his choice.
I think he's look for a way out (and again, his choice...it's a huge step not every wants) and just isn't bring honest about it....but looking for any reason to blame her instead.
If one can deal with the other partners needs...then they shouldn't move...but move on.
This woman has said up front that she doesn't want to leave Germany...it's the OPS choice to move or not. She's not forcing him.....it's 100% his choice.
I think he's look for a way out (and again, his choice...it's a huge step not every wants) and just isn't bring honest about it....but looking for any reason to blame her instead.
I honestly dont, I would give her the world. Im not looking for a way out, Im very happy to go there and start a life with her.
But when do I get what I want, or is it just about pleasing her? Is it just one way? Get her what she wants but never get my way?
A relationship is about both people being happy. It sounds like you want to force her to do something that she doesn't want to do because you feel like you're being forced to do something you don't want to do. That's not how you have a healthy relationship.
You either trust her or you don't. If you trust her, then her list shouldn't bother you. If you don't trust her, then her throwing away her list isn't going to make a difference. Is she allowed to keep pictures of her and her exes? Are you going to go through all of her stuff and make her get rid of everything you don't approve of?
If one can deal with the other partners needs...then they shouldn't move...but move on.
This woman has said up front that she doesn't want to leave Germany...it's the OPS choice to move or not. She's not forcing him.....it's 100% his choice.
I think he's look for a way out (and again, his choice...it's a huge step not every wants) and just isn't bring honest about it....but looking for any reason to blame her instead.
I agree and I can't blame him. A year is not really that long when it comes to that sort of life change. I mean have they even ever tried living together for an extended period of time?
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