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To be honest, despite what people say about friends of the opposite sex. The bottomline is your gf is getting her emotional needs met by other males. What is interesting is if its friendship only, then why not make latenight dinner for a girl friend of hers? If the emotional need can be met by other female friends im sure she would be hanging out with alot of them. No, your gf is keeping her options open. There is an emotional need she gets from it, maybe an emotional intimatcy? But whatever it is the honest truth is every good relationship is based on a solid friendship. If your girlfriend or wife isnt your bestfriend then there is something wrong. At this point she maynot be seeing this relationship as longterm. Anyway good luck. Also you might want to findout what emotional need your not getting by feeling jelous alot?
Ok so I have been in a relationship with this girl for about a year now, we broke up about 3 months ago (mainly due to me being very depressed and unmotivated for a while during the relationship) and kinda started getting back together about a month ago.
Then you kinda don't really have any input on what she kinda does with other guys.
She's either your girlfriend or she's not. If she's not, then other men she sees aren't your business.
If she is, then meh. I don't think it appropriate for someone in a committed relationship to cook an opposite-gender friend dinner and hang out all night one-on-one. But that's just me.
I'm a chick with a lot of guy friends, and when I was single, I would never stay in a hotel room with two of them, nor would I cook them dinner and hang out all night with them, unless I was boffing them too. Sorry.
OP, you sound inexperienced enough that I don't believe you really know your girlfriend at all. Absent that knowledge, it's really hard to tell what her intentions are or what you should do.
You will never be able to get through to her if she doesn't want to hear it.
It doesn't sound like she wants or cares how you feel. She has already told you where she stands on this.
Decide if this is how you want to feel and if she is worth it or start to move on to someone who is willing to listen to their partner.
I hate to say it, but that's what it ultimately comes down too.
Follow your gut
^^^this^^^ OP: I want to add something though... relationships that lack trust (even a little) are always going to fail IMO. The starting point for a good relationship is literally, YOU. You need to have real commitment conversations up front, and then just move forward in a trusting way. If you are looking for reasons to not trust, you will find them. If you don't look and get cheated on (out of the blue, as if you didn't think there were relationship issues) then really there's two ways to look at things: 1) you were unlucky and got a liar for a partner, or 2) you were oblivious to the crappy/unfulfilling state of the relationship you were obviously a part of. In either of those situations, you just move on. That stated, ALL the long-term successful relationships I have seen in my many years of life involved unlimited levels of trust by both partners. It is truly freeing when you feel like you can be yourself with your partner and vice versa and just live the life you have dreamed of. Distrust is just nonsense.
Even if everything is completely above board, you're uncomfortable with the arrangement and that's the important thing. Now, did she do the trips and the dinner/staying over while y'all were dating during that year, or is this something that happened during you breakup/now that you're 'kinda/sorta/maybe/maybe not' together? If it's the latter, I'd say she's still within her rights to hang out with her friends because there is no exclusivity yet. The question is: would you be able to handle that until you're official again? If it happened while you guys were together, you're obviously uncomfortable, she's obviously not going to change now, so I think you should cut your losses.
Now, on to you. Have you fixed the issues that caused y'all to break up last time? Because it makes no sense to try this again if you're not stable yourself. Was 3 months enough time to get back on your feet? If not, you might as well pull the plug now.
TL;DR: If you're uncomfortable with the level of contact she has with her male friends, even if you don't think she's cheating, you're well within your rights to call things off.
Ok so I have been in a relationship with this girl for about a year now, we broke up about 3 months ago (mainly due to me being very depressed and unmotivated for a while during the relationship) and kinda started getting back together about a month ago. Not sure if thats relivent but thought I would share anyways.
So she has a couple close guy friends she has known for a long time and never dated. She also has a couple ex boyfriends who she keeps in touch with, goes for lunch with and one has a repair shop that she brings her vehicle in to.
Now I do trust her, I really do and she is open with me about when she gets together with her guy friends and talks about it just the same as if it was a girl friend that she got together with. This doesn't keep me from getting jealous though. I am starting to realize I am a very jealous person as this is the first relationship I have been in that my gf has so many guy friends like this. She even went on a weekend trip with the 2 close guy friends and they all shared a hotel room.
The reason for the post is she just today got together with one of her close guy friends, made him supper at her house and they hung out all night, just the two of them.
I cant help but feel this is odd. I mean I really don't believe anything happened but it bugs me. This is what people do on a date night.
I have talked with her in the past about how it makes me feel uncomfortable how close she is to her guy friends and she says they are just friends and she wont stop hanging out with her friends just because it make me uncomfortable.
I dont know how to approach this or even if I should. Should I mention that this bothers me or am I just being insecure and should I just deal with it myself?
If you really trusted her this would not be an issue and it is appears to be your issue alone.
I have been with Mr. CSD since 2003 and neither of us have given up any of our friends, male or female.
It's always tough to determine these things. Being jealous is your deal; even if the other person is giving you no real reason to feel that way, you're still going to be a jealous person. On the other hand, people sometimes do things to arouse jealousy and sometimes it works. I don't know which is your girlfriend.
It doesn't seem like you have a firm understanding of what you are. You're kinda back together after breaking up? You broke up because of your depression and lack of motivation? I don't know your ages, but it seems to me like if you didn't get a handle on that prior to getting back with her, that might be contributing to your jealousy.
If this is "new" behavior, I'd say it's something you need to deal with. She could be a little more empathetic, but if she's really not doing anything, you're just going to come off like a jealous jerk. She could just enjoy the company of men and her sensibilities haven't changed because she has a boyfriend.
It's also possible she likes the validation of being around a bunch of dudes. I don't know that women do a lot of "hanging out" with guys just on GP, because the way guys "hang out" and the way women "hang out" isn't the same. Some women like having men in their lives who will give them attention. It's not about sexual validation, per se.
There are a number of plausible explanations, up to and including she's cheating on you, but all that's going to do is leave you with more questions. I'd say you need to get some other plates spinning in your life besides focusing on what this chick is doing. Even if she isn't cheating, she isn't exactly considerate of your feelings (at least, that's the impression I get from your post), which is going to come up in other facets of your relationship. Being with the chick who doesn't care if you're jealous is no more fun than being with the chick who has a lot of guy friends.
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