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I'm not saying cheating is right or ok, I'm saying it's forgivable when it happens at this time in your life, and doesn't predict that you will be a cheater for the rest of your life, which is what the others on this thread are saying.
Others on this thread, myself in particular, are noting that behavior often occurs in patterns, particularly when behavior is reinforced. Which is completely true, easily researchable, and well-documented.
Whether or not a person WILL cheat serially is one thing. Maybe, maybe not. Whether or not others choose to trust them based on past patterns of behavior is another thing entirely (as well as being a completely predictable consequence).
Thank you. Yes I already told him to not talk to her anymore and he said he won't, but in the end, who knows. Sometimes I feel like you cannot trust anyone but yourself. I once had a boyfriend who was the sweetest and nicest guy on earth and later I found out he had an emotional affair with a coworker. I don't think he'd be leaving me for her, I mean she lives thousands of kilometers away, and I think if he wanted to break up with me for her, he already would have. As I mentioned, he cheated on his ex with me, but broke up days after that to be with me. It's been over three months since he met that backpacker girl, I guess he would have broken up with me by now, lol, instead of buying an apartment with me. Still, I'm still wondering if really nothing happened or if he saw her as a little adventure.
And by the way, I don't get anyway why people leave people for other people. I've never found myself in a relationship like this. Either I'm very happy with the person I'm with and never feel the need to be with someone else (and don't get myself into situations where I could fall for someone else, which probably would never happen anyway), OR I'm not happy in my relationship so I break up instead of just staying in the mediocre relationship until I meet someone better.
You "told" a grown man not to talk to someone again?
If I had told my husband not to talk to someone or he had told me not to talk to someone we would not be married.
We are adults who trust each other and we so not ask for permission to talk to someone or have the friends we have.
You "told" a grown man not to talk to someone again?
If I had told my husband not to talk to someone or he had told me not to talk to someone we would not be married.
We are adults who trust each other and we so not ask for permission to talk to someone or have the friends we have.
She's not a friend, she's a random girl he met at a Bachelor party. If she texts him how are you and he responds, I don't mind. But I don't want him to talk to her all the time on WhatsApp. I also wouldn't expect my SO to be fine with me talking to some random guy who I don't even really know all the time.
Others on this thread, myself in particular, are noting that behavior often occurs in patterns, particularly when behavior is reinforced. Which is completely true, easily researchable, and well-documented.
Whether or not a person WILL cheat serially is one thing. Maybe, maybe not. Whether or not others choose to trust them based on past patterns of behavior is another thing entirely (as well as being a completely predictable consequence).
Well of course if someone has cheated in all their past relationships its a pattern, and obviously this person is a cheater, but that's not what we're talking about here. The OP said she cheated in one relationship she had in college, based on that there was a poster who made judgmental statement on her views of infidelity, which I found to be inaccurate.
Well of course if someone has cheated in all their past relationships its a pattern, and obviously this person is a cheater, but that's not what we're talking about here. The OP said she cheated in one relationship she had in college, based on that there was a poster who made judgmental statement on her views of infidelity, which I found to be inaccurate.
Her SO may indeed have a pattern of cheating, however. Which is her main concern.
My response was actually in relation to her SO,not her. She doesn't trust him,clearly, and one reason she doesn't trust him is because she is intimately familiar with his past behavior (because she was a key player in it), and because his current behavior is indicating deceptive actions on his part (deleting evidence of interaction with girl from bachelor party, etc.).
Well of course if someone has cheated in all their past relationships its a pattern, and obviously this person is a cheater, but that's not what we're talking about here. The OP said she cheated in one relationship she had in college, based on that there was a poster who made judgmental statement on her views of infidelity, which I found to be inaccurate.
Thank you, I think the same. Only because you did something in the past doesn't mean you'll do it again, nor does it mean that now other people can keep judging you for something you did years ago. When I was 20, I tried cocaine once. Does that mean I love and support drugs? I don't think so.
Thank you, I think the same. Only because you did something in the past doesn't mean you'll do it again, nor does it mean that now other people can keep judging you for something you did years ago. When I was 20, I tried cocaine once. Does that mean I love and support drugs? I don't think so.
But you do think that because your SO has cheated in the past, that he may be cheating, or on the pathway to cheating, with Random Bachelor Party Backpacker Girl with whom he's bent on maintaining contact, no?
Or was this thread about something different?
Because the thread title really seems to spell it out pretty clearly.
But you do think that because your SO has cheated in the past, that he may be cheating, or on the pathway to cheating, with Random Bachelor Party Backpacker Girl with whom he's bent on maintaining contact, no?
Or was this thread about something different?
Because the thread title really seems to spell it out pretty clearly.
It makes me definitely more insecure, yes. I don't support the 'Once a cheater always a cheater' thing. But I've been driving myself crazy in the last weeks, so I also thought about that. I said that from the beginning. So?
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