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I've seen a lot of women with chips on their shoulders (about being perceived as unapproachable due to their race, among other things) not get approached. People who wear the "Nobody will date me because of... [the color of my skin/insert other issue presumed to blame/etc.]" issues on their sleeve CERTAINLY give on an unapproachable vibe. Chip-on-shoulder attitudes put people off like no other, in general, no matter your individual other characteristics or attributes. If you're already defensive, that's not attractive.
Oh please, you probably experience the perks of white privilege everyday of your life and don't even realize it. How are you going to get up here and try to downplay a woman of color's personal experience, blaming her for the way she feels? Unless you've personally walked that walk please don't try to tell her it's HER fault. Just like a man doesn't have a basis to tell you how you should feel as a woman, you don't have a basis to tell this poster how she should feel.
I've seen a lot of women with chips on their shoulders (about being perceived as unapproachable due to their race, among other things) not get approached. People who wear the "Nobody will date me because of... [the color of my skin/insert other issue presumed to blame/etc.]" issues on their sleeve CERTAINLY give on an unapproachable vibe. Chip-on-shoulder attitudes put people off like no other, in general, no matter your individual other characteristics or attributes. If you're already defensive, that's not attractive.
Nice way to spin what what she said around because of course it's the black woman's fault.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TenorSax83
Oh please, you probably experience the perks of white privilege everyday of your life and don't even realize it. How are you going to get up here and try to downplay a woman of color's personal experience, blaming her for the way she feels? Unless you've personally walked that walk please don't try to tell her it's HER fault. Just like a man doesn't have a basis to tell you how you should feel as a woman, you don't have a basis to tell this poster how she should feel.
I actually don't remember the OP mentioning race at all as a reason why she can't get a date. Other posters sure did.
I don't think race has much to do with it, I mean of course some people have their preferences. Im black too and I don't fit any stereotypes. Men of all races approach me. I think you can be pretty or aesthetically pleasing but not "enticing", and that is the issue here. Confidence is the number one key to attraction. It gives you that allure. Guys fall for women all the time that are far from pretty or overweight but they are confident, they feel they are sexy... which makes them fun to be around and like-able. I think the op is too conservative and it may come off as "stuffy" which is anti-enticing. I'm pretty sure becoming more comfortable with herself and loosening up some will make the difference.
You don't think race has anything to do with it, but somehow the stats suggests that American black women are more likely to be single than any other race of women in this nation. --But somehow, this is all merely by happenstance.
I'm happy that men of all races approach you, but based on the stats, this is not the case for most black American women who reside in the U.S. (irrespective of their relative attractiveness).
I don't know if the OP is too conservative, but even if she is, what does that have to do with her dating prospects? There are plenty of conservative non black women in the U.S. who have a plethora of dates. I've never heard anyone tell a white conservative woman to lighten up and not be so "stuffy." What generally happens is, she will attract a similarly suited guy.
People in this nation prefer to pretend that it's the OP who is just too "stuffy," or too judgmental, instead of just admitting that black American women are stereotyped very harshly, and these negative stereotypes have a deleterious impact on black women's dating options and marriage prospects throughout the U.S.
Nice way to spin what what she said around because of course it's the black woman's fault...I actually don't remember the OP mentioning race at all as a reason why she can't get a date. Other posters sure did.
The OP didn't mention it, but I brought it up, because this is the real reason why she is having such a difficult time finding a mate. D.C. is by far one of the worst places for professional black women to look for marriage minded men.
By reading your post and looking at your picture, you seem like a friendly, attractive and fun girl. If I know you in real life, I'd definitely want to be your friend and introduce guys to you. So yeah... there is nothing wrong with how you are. Perhaps the places that you frequent are not the ideal for social interactions. Perhaps try going to meetups, networking events, etc where talking and making connections is the norm?
The OP didn't mention it, but I brought it up, because this is the real reason why she is having such a difficult time finding a mate. D.C. is by far one of the worst places for professional black women to look for marriage minded men.
Ok,
So what should she do? She can't change her race, obviously. And it may not be possible for her to move. Now what?
Any woman, regardless of race is going to be approached less if she is dressed tooo conservative or grandma-like, or if she is not as confident in herself, or if she is too uptight. Thats not race related.
I actually don't remember the OP mentioning race at all as a reason why she can't get a date. Other posters sure did.
She hasn't, at least not in this thread. But people have asked what her preferences are and she has not responded. Her failure to respond combined with the fact that she is attractive and not overweight (based upon her profile picture), and that she mentioned in the OP that she lives near a prestigious law school (she is 31), leads me to believe her preferences are the issue. And, I am sorry if this does not apply to the OP, but it is a theme that I have observed on this forum, that AA people that post in this forum about their difficulties finding a mate/date will not mention that they are primarily looking for an interracial relationship until it is pulled out of them on page 10.
She hasn't, at least not in this thread. But people have asked what her preferences are and she has not responded. Her failure to respond combined with the fact that she is attractive and not overweight (based upon her profile picture), and that she mentioned in the OP that she lives near a prestigious law school (she is 31), leads me to believe her preferences are the issue. And, I am sorry if this does not apply to the OP, but it is a theme that I have observed on this forum, that AA people that post in this forum about their difficulties finding a mate/date will not mention that they are primarily looking for an interracial relationship until it is pulled out of them on page 10.
You reached that conclusion based on pure conjecture.
And taking into consideration the tone of this forum, I don't blame anyone for not stating that they are into interracial relationships. Look at some of the responses that she received without mentioning it.
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