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My boyfriend (30) and I (26) have been together for 1.5 years. We're happy and everything seems to be fine, except of two things:
1) He doesn't put anything of us on the internet. I know, it sounds totally ridiculous, but it's bothering me. He broke up with his ex-girlfriend for me, so I assume he prefers me over her- But on his Facebook I can still see that he was different with her. He put up a profile picture with her and also uploaded pictures of a trip with her. He even had a relationship status with her. With me he never had anything on FB. I don't need this extreme 'Omg we're a couple and so happy and we have to show it to the entire universe'-thing, me myself I never put up a relationship status with any ex-boyfriend, nor do I post ridiculous 'Honey I love you so much' on anybody's wall, but once I uploaded a profile picture of us together. He never did. With his ex he did. Also, he has a Twitter and Instagram account and when he was with her he once uploaded a picture of her on Instagram and also sometimes included her in his Twitter updates (Like 'going to the Amazon with @hername). With me, never. Not Twitter, not Instagram.
2) His ex-girlfriend still doesn't know that he has a new girlfriend (me), although they talk sometimes. I'm pretty sure they never meet, because we're most of the time together and I always know where he is. Plus, I trust him. But he even says that they sometimes talk on Whatsapp, just to see how everything is going. He says they're not friends but he doesn't mind being in contact with her. But he has not told her about me, not even when she asked (almost a year ago) if there is any chance of them getting back together because she still loves him so much. He told me about that and he said he just told her that he doesn't want to be with her, but he still didn't mention me. Maybe he doesn't wanna hurt her, but it's also driving me nuts. That they're in contact but she doesn't even know I exist.
Except of that, signs are that he's serious about me. He says that he loves me, spends a lot of time with me and I also hang a lot with his friends and family. They all know about me. On the other side, he still hasn't asked me to move in with him and he also never brought up marriage in the future (I don't expect a proposal right now, but I would like to talk about it).
What do you guys think? Am I crazy for making these two points drive me nuts? Should I be way more calm about this? What do you think? Thanks.
I think you should stay off of social media, off of public forums and talk to HIM.
Tell HIM exactly what your concerns are and that you want to at least TALK about marriage, then wait and see what happens.
Too much drama from social media. Here's a couple of thoughts, is he taking a facebook sabbatical? Does he most much otherwise? Next idea, try talking to him...
Whether or not the ex about you, that is a moot point. Provided people are smart enough to keep the past where is belongs, in the past.
Location: Prince Georges County, MD (formerly Long Island, NY)
1,558 posts, read 2,723,240 times
Reputation: 1652
Wow, seems like the high and mighty, too good for Facebook people have arrived to the party!
The problem isn't the medium, it's that clearly he's less public about her than he was his ex. If he was indeed constantly posting in his old relationship, but suddenly got decidedly private on social media.
Two thoughts:
1) What was the circumstances surrounding his breakup? Maybe social media was involved somehow, so now he's keeping it private this go-round.
2) Hopefully this isn't it, but maybe he never broke up with his ex? Maybe you're not the only one? I only say that because you mention he broke up with his ex to be with you-- that's a frequent line of a player.
Maybe he learned his lesson the first time with the ex and changed his patterns. This would explain why he's different with you than with his ex. The whole process of breaking up in public and on social media probably taught him a lesson and he has chosen not to repeat it.
You say you trust him, but I don't think so. You know he was dating some one else when the two of you began seeing each other. (your words--he broke up with her to be with me)
I have to agree--maybe he learned his lesson. Presumably the most important people in his life know about you based upon your post.
The time to learn good communication skills is now. Ask him where he sees this relationship going in the future. I think that is what you really want to know, and you think social media updates will be some verification of that without you having to ask.
It's never a good sign when the person you are seeing won't publicaly acknowledge you!
Here's my guess:
1. He's still "in love" with his old girlfriend and may even be seeing her on the side.
2. You are his play thing and not what he considers a long term prospect.
3.His "ex" is not really his "ex" and does not know about you.
Here are some of your options:
1. Blow his cover on Facebook and other media he uses to see what happens. Perhaps next anniversary of some sort, put something public about it on his wall.
2. Contact ex and ask what gives (risky business).
3. Post pics of you both displaying the obvious intimate relationship (close together, kissing, etc.)on his wall and your wall.
All of it is a tad juvenile, but will certainly show the relationship for what it is. If he gets mad about it but still stays with you, you are good. If he flips out and tries for damage control, etc., well there's your answer. If the guy really loves you like he says he loves you then those silly things won't bother him a whole heck of a lot. True he'll be a little embarrassed and surprised you are a bit more immature than he realized, but no super biggie.
P.S. You will have to spend some time regaining your maturity, but at least you'll be assured of your relationship status--right?
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