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I will keep this short and simple as possible. So me and this chick has a lot of history with each other. Over the course of our dating I found out her and my family don't exactly get along. This has gotten so bad to the point where its becoming quiet miserable. She gets depressed super easily and it doesn't take a lot for it to happen. During all this I have told her phrases such as "I will love you no matter what" and "My feelings will never change for you"
Now I am eating those words. I believe I have learned a very important life lesson from this but I need a way out. My family is totally against me being with her. She is also seeing other guys which I said I have no problem with so I am not going back on my word on that. I have met another girl and we have great chemistry. We just get along great and we like each other very much. I believe I want to be with her.
The problem is if I cut off this girl I am with cold turkey it will end in a disaster. I am not worried about me; its her I am worried about. I don't want to throw her into some deep dark depression. So my plan originally is to slowly just become friends with her. That doesn't work because she will keep asking me if I love her no matter what. Then she said she wanted to end up marrying me someday.
Please, I need advice. I don't know what to do. I feel like a trunk in deep mud.
I don't see a problem since she is seeing other men.
It really is not as dramatic as the picture you have painted.
Tell her you know things will not work out between you and it is time to move on then block her access to you via email, text, phone, etc.
Ask the new girl out and move on.
Trust me, if she really wanted to marry you someday she would not be dating other guys, you happen to be the go to guy when she has run out of other guys to date.
It shouldn't be a problem since is seeing other guys. However this seems to be a one way street in this regard. I don't want to block her I am hoping we can just become friends. I want to be in her life but just not as a romantic interest. She said shes loves me but not in the same way I love her. She said she can't explain it because its complicated. She really is a nice girl and this has been going on for four months now.
She asked me the other day if I was starting to feel in love with this other woman and I said "more then likely no". Now I am going to look like a liar if she finds out. I think she was paranoid about this other woman this whole time. I don't want to just cut her off because I won't be able to sleep just thinking if she is alright.
You should have been honest from jump street, but the cow is out the barn on that one.
Sit her down. Explain that you're looking for exclusivity, something she's not willing to give right now. Say that you need to be with someone who loves you the way you love them. Tell her you care about her, but you're not happy and you want to end it. Then let her know that you've realized that you do have feelings for this new girl.
It will be messy. She will get mad. She probably won't want to stay friends because she'll feel betrayed. But you need to do this. It sounds like she was using you as her place holder, while she dated and had fun. That's not fair to you, and that's grounds enough for a breakup. You're not her priority, no matter how much she 'wants to marry you someday'. That was just a line. You have a chance at a stable relationship, so go ahead and take it.
This is going to sound cold, but her mental health is something she needs to manage. You can't be responsible for it, making yourself miserable because you're afraid of depressing her.
I am going to consider my options very carefully. I will try to ease off the current girl I am with and lean off of her more and more. Then tell her its simply not going to work out. I need to mentally prepare for this myself. Convincing myself that her mental health is not my problem is going to be tough.
I am going to consider my options very carefully. I will try to ease off the current girl I am with and lean off of her more and more. Then tell her its simply not going to work out. I need to mentally prepare for this myself. Convincing myself that her mental health is not my problem is going to be tough.
What exactly is her mental health like? You said it's very easy for her to get depressed? Can you explain a bit more?
Also, why doesn't your family like her? I can guess why, but I could be wrong. Does it have anything to do with the way she conducts your relationship?
I am going to consider my options very carefully. I will try to ease off the current girl I am with and lean off of her more and more. Then tell her its simply not going to work out. I need to mentally prepare for this myself. Convincing myself that her mental health is not my problem is going to be tough.
Youre being a coward and childish, imo.
Be honest with her and give her closure. Tell her the truth. It might break her heart at first, but she will know the truth and be rejected respectfully at least, instead of continuing to be led on and treated like a fool, essentially. Its demeaning.
The longer you drag this out, the worse the impact will be. A slow fade out on a person is a painful experience because youre not giving the person a right to know nor an option to cease romantic pursuit of you. Its blatantly selfish and unfair and yet you falsely believe youre being a hero of sorts by "leaning off" to supposedly spare her dark depression, instead of just making your true intentions known so that she too can consider her options without you in them. Youre just helping yourself to keep from feeling guilty and couldnt give two squats about her depression.
Being able to provide honesty and closure to a fallen love is a high form of admiration and honor, and it is also the gentlemanly and classy way to respect what you had, close one door so you can walk through another.
How is that caring for her feelings at all by treating her like a fool and not even giving her the respect enough to know the truth now instead of only at your convenience? Thats what hurts people the most - lies. So stop doing it and tell her asap. None of this "friends" malarky.
If you two are seeing other people already then it should be easy as pie.
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