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I lost the drive to get a girlfriend years ago when I was 18. I am a very lonely person. I have friends. But I want a girlfriend. I consider myself a virgin because most of my experience has been with hookers or sex workers. I have never had a girl like me. I don't know what it is. I came here to post because I need to let this out. I don't think I have ever kissed a girl sober. I made out with a girl when I was 11.
I don't know what it is. I play college basketball and am currently attending a Southern California community college. I have plans to transfer to Stanford. I excel in school and I love sports. The details of my current community college and basketball team will not be revealed for obvious reasons. I have played Soccer, Basketball, and football for city leagues and school teams. I'm athletic. But none of this has ever helped me. I know I don't fit the mold for the stereotypical virgin. Thank God I have a passion for exercise because without I don't ow where I would be. Since I don't receive love from girls, I go looking for it in sports and physical activity. Unfortunately I don't have the body to be able to play overseas and I am doing too good in school for me to pursue basketball. The sad thing is I am nearing towards the end of my career. About 4 months ago I tore my ACL in both knees so eventually I have to let basketball go. I don't know what I would do with my time without the court. I would love to spend my time with a girl but I can't imagine being with a girl.
Perhaps I am hideous? I hear girls don't go for looks as much as guys but to what extent does this apply? Iv been called handsome and good looking but I don't believe it. I see girls all the time that I would want to date but It seems too strange to talk to them. Girls have never really liked me. In fact, my whole life, they have hated me. When I was younger they were mean and by the time I got into High School they just ignored me. Girls often told me that they nor anyone liked me. It seems like a foreign concept to me. I see other guys talk to girls but it just doesn't seem like something that happens in my life. I can't see myself flirting with a girl I don't know how to flirt. I know I'm not good looking but I don't deserve to be treated like this.
I desperately want to change. Sometimes when I drink or smoke I cry thinking of the pitiful loneliness that is my life. Can I get some advice of any sort? I grew up in a single parents household without a father, I hear that has something to do with this.
You've been so busy feeling miserable that you haven't noticed that you have plenty of company. And all the City Data virgins are athletic, handsome and cool. So you very much are the stereotypical virgin. Sorry. FWIW as hard as it might be for you to imagine, I was a virgin at 21. I had girlfriends but they wouldn't put out. I don't know if its worse not to even have a girl or to have one that insists on waiting for marriage. Both are hell. At least you have sex. Me and the other real virgins didn't have jack. A straight up cash transaction for sex without teenage drama? Works for me? What don't you like about it? What is the difference between a hooker and a sex worker? Never mind. You don't have a problem as far as I am concerned. Well, you might, but its not your looks or anything physical. Lay of the cigs and alcohol and clean up your act. Literally.
Ok.. chalking up the major points of most other threads in the same cathegory;
1. Nobody here will have a viable solution for you, only bullsh!t(can they stop censoring this shlt?) tips like "be yourself" or "don't try so hard" etc.
2. The points below are not a viable solution either, but may or may not help you improve what you already have to bring to the table.
A. No matter if you actually are a somewhat hideous looking guy, it's probably not your looks, and even if you are people will be calling you handsome every once in a while to be nice. It's if they tell you the inside beauty counts that you should worry.(this means the nearest car accident might improve your looks)
B. If being yourself haven't worked so far, it won't magically start working out of the blue. However, changing your personality isn't going to happen voluntarily other than temporarily so just strike that off the list. You may have to get better at showing your qualities, with how you present that "self" of yours rather than changing it.
C. look up ADD, social anxiety, etc, if they seem to fit in on you, there may be help or tips/methods more specific to overcome such obstacles.
D. When you get down to business, things usually depend heavily on conversation; learning how to keep asking open questions (where yes/no) can't be used, is a good way of carrying a conversation when words may otherwise run out. For example questions starting with the words "why" or "howcome" usually leads to more elaborated answers. If they still say yes/no they're either dumber than a brick or douchier than ...well you get the point.
E. Find out what your positive AND negative attributes are(from friends, family for example), and try to highlight the positive ones. Most of us would be seen as complete chumps if we all our negative sides show as our first impression. Whoever you meet will find out about your negative sides eventually, but it's easier for them to accept said negatives, if they already know more of your positives to balance them out.
F. There are books on social behavior and group dynamics etc, I'm not writing about "pick-up manuals", or books concerning that subject like "The Game" by Neil Strauss, they're entertaining and touch the subject, but if you're serious about improving yourself, they're not more than that. You want to find out how to communicate with control and precision, not how to trick someone. (as a student you may have access to academic databases with actual research on these things).
G. Go through some of the things you have sad to someone in the mirror and try to re-enact that moment, does your face convey a different message than your mouth is? Body-language not matching your verbal communication can give a lot of people the wrong idea about what your are saying and who you are as a person.
H. Don't over invest yourself into anyone. While not everyone will think of it as being clingy, even a "successful" overinvestment of yourself into someone in a premature state will cause a bad balance of "power" within your relationship, and thus you will have a lower status between the two of you, no matter if the relationship is a platonic/friendly one or more.
Last but not least if you try any of this and think it worked or helped please let me know in a PM or so, I'm scetching it up as some of the things I've learned from experience(in failure) and things I'm trying in order to improve myself, as I'm in a somewhat similar position as yourself.
Good luck.
Ok.. chalking up the major points of most other threads in the same cathegory;
1. Nobody here will have a viable solution for you, only bullsh!t(can they stop censoring this shlt?) tips like "be yourself" or "don't try so hard" etc.
2. The points below are not a viable solution either, but may or may not help you improve what you already have to bring to the table.
A. No matter if you actually are a somewhat hideous looking guy, it's probably not your looks, and even if you are people will be calling you handsome every once in a while to be nice. It's if they tell you the inside beauty counts that you should worry.(this means the nearest car accident might improve your looks)
B. If being yourself haven't worked so far, it won't magically start working out of the blue. However, changing your personality isn't going to happen voluntarily other than temporarily so just strike that off the list. You may have to get better at showing your qualities, with how you present that "self" of yours rather than changing it.
C. look up ADD, social anxiety, etc, if they seem to fit in on you, there may be help or tips/methods more specific to overcome such obstacles.
D. When you get down to business, things usually depend heavily on conversation; learning how to keep asking open questions (where yes/no) can't be used, is a good way of carrying a conversation when words may otherwise run out. For example questions starting with the words "why" or "howcome" usually leads to more elaborated answers. If they still say yes/no they're either dumber than a brick or douchier than ...well you get the point.
E. Find out what your positive AND negative attributes are(from friends, family for example), and try to highlight the positive ones. Most of us would be seen as complete chumps if we all our negative sides show as our first impression. Whoever you meet will find out about your negative sides eventually, but it's easier for them to accept said negatives, if they already know more of your positives to balance them out.
F. There are books on social behavior and group dynamics etc, I'm not writing about "pick-up manuals", or books concerning that subject like "The Game" by Neil Strauss, they're entertaining and touch the subject, but if you're serious about improving yourself, they're not more than that. You want to find out how to communicate with control and precision, not how to trick someone. (as a student you may have access to academic databases with actual research on these things).
G. Go through some of the things you have sad to someone in the mirror and try to re-enact that moment, does your face convey a different message than your mouth is? Body-language not matching your verbal communication can give a lot of people the wrong idea about what your are saying and who you are as a person.
H. Don't over invest yourself into anyone. While not everyone will think of it as being clingy, even a "successful" overinvestment of yourself into someone in a premature state will cause a bad balance of "power" within your relationship, and thus you will have a lower status between the two of you, no matter if the relationship is a platonic/friendly one or more.
Last but not least if you try any of this and think it worked or helped please let me know in a PM or so, I'm scetching it up as some of the things I've learned from experience(in failure) and things I'm trying in order to improve myself, as I'm in a somewhat similar position as yourself.
Good luck.
I lost the drive to get a girlfriend years ago when I was 18. I am a very lonely person. I have friends. But I want a girlfriend. I consider myself a virgin because most of my experience has been with hookers or sex workers. I have never had a girl like me. I don't know what it is. I came here to post because I need to let this out. I don't think I have ever kissed a girl sober. I made out with a girl when I was 11.
I don't know what it is. I play college basketball and am currently attending a Southern California community college. I have plans to transfer to Stanford. I excel in school and I love sports. The details of my current community college and basketball team will not be revealed for obvious reasons. I have played Soccer, Basketball, and football for city leagues and school teams. I'm athletic. But none of this has ever helped me. I know I don't fit the mold for the stereotypical virgin. Thank God I have a passion for exercise because without I don't ow where I would be. Since I don't receive love from girls, I go looking for it in sports and physical activity. Unfortunately I don't have the body to be able to play overseas and I am doing too good in school for me to pursue basketball. The sad thing is I am nearing towards the end of my career. About 4 months ago I tore my ACL in both knees so eventually I have to let basketball go. I don't know what I would do with my time without the court. I would love to spend my time with a girl but I can't imagine being with a girl.
Perhaps I am hideous? I hear girls don't go for looks as much as guys but to what extent does this apply? Iv been called handsome and good looking but I don't believe it. I see girls all the time that I would want to date but It seems too strange to talk to them. Girls have never really liked me. In fact, my whole life, they have hated me. When I was younger they were mean and by the time I got into High School they just ignored me. Girls often told me that they nor anyone liked me. It seems like a foreign concept to me. I see other guys talk to girls but it just doesn't seem like something that happens in my life. I can't see myself flirting with a girl I don't know how to flirt. I know I'm not good looking but I don't deserve to be treated like this.
I desperately want to change. Sometimes when I drink or smoke I cry thinking of the pitiful loneliness that is my life. Can I get some advice of any sort? I grew up in a single parents household without a father, I hear that has something to do with this.
grow up first. you are twenty years old and you are crying in your beer that you dont have a girlfriend. but the reality is that you are not ready right now to have a girlfriend.
right now you have a very dour outlook on life, that needs to change. right now you hate yourself, again that needs to change. you need to become the best person you can be, you need to see people for what they are, and who they are, and you need to stop thinking about sex and relationships, and start thinking about companionship instead. too many young guys start off wanting to date women to get into their pants, instead of getting into their heads.
girls love me because i dont push them into anything they dont want to do, and i have a great sense of humor, much of which is self deprecating. i make women laugh, and i make them think about me, and i make them feel good about themselves at the same time.
when you deal with women, you need to be uplifting and positive, and be relaxed at the same time. you also need to be nonthreatening as well. if a woman gets a bad vibe from you, she wont go anywhere with you. something else, women will tempt you to look at their bodies, do your best to look into their eyes as much as possible. when they are walking towards you or away from you, then you can look elsewhere, but when you are having a conversation, remember the boobs dont talk, and the boobs dont see anything.
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