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Well, you might want to consider why you need sole access to a single woman's vagina to make you feel special.
Dude, I get not wanting to be poly. I'm not looking for a relationship, but if I was going to commit to someone I would want it to be exclusive. But the fact that you feel that being approached by a poly woman is a blow to your ego rather than a compliment and that you imply that a big part of your attraction to monogamy is being made to feel special indicates to me that you really need to work on yourself and your sense of self worth.
In any case, poly appeals to many who want flexibility and freedom in their relationships. Personally, I understand that perspective too, but the relationship management and time it must involve just seems impossibly daunting to me. Who needs that kind of drama? And in poly relationships, there always ends up being drama. Same with monogamous relationships, but with more people involved. Ugh.
What I meant by that was special to her, I mean why be in a relationship with someone who does not view me as special? That there is nothing reserved only for me? I mean that's one of the gifts I offer a potential mate, my heart and body would something she had sole access to.
like most guys on dating sites, I don't get a ton of inbox mail, but in recent years I do get more unsolicited mail than I used to, sady a trend has popped up where I have been contacted by women who already have a boyfriend/husband but are in an open relationship and are seeking a 3rd or fourth wheel in their arrangement. and not even just online. I have been approached in bars, at the store etc etc....
its kind of a blow to my self image because I can't seem to find a one on one relationship to save my life, but it seems I'm ok for a boyfriend #2. in fact a week ago I wasted 3 hours having a great conversation with a very attractive woman only to find out that she was poly-amorous and I would have to meet her boyfriend at least once and that her, her boyfriend and his other girlfriend live in the same house.
I politely told her i was not interested, and she gave me her business card in case I opened my mind.
And thats not the first time something like that happened? someone who is otherwise a great match but does not believe in monogamy.
I mean to me it would be hard to feel special if my girlfriend was crawling into some other guys bed on mondays wendays and fridays.
I wouldn't take it personally. After time you'll get a sense for when that is the direction the conversation is headed and learn how to head them off early. Maybe they're getting that vibe from you (that you would be okay/prefer that type of arrangement).
I wouldn't take it personally. After time you'll get a sense for when that is the direction the conversation is headed and learn how to head them off early. Maybe they're getting that vibe from you (that you would be okay/prefer that type of arrangement).
You may have a point, most views and opinions I have are very liberal socially and politically , My views on my personal romantic relationships is the only area in my life where I tend to lean conservative.
In two years of OLD and hundreds of messages and years of bar hopping, I have not even been once asked to be part of a polywhatever relationship. And I am near LA, where you would guess everything goes.
Maybe you have that poly vibe on you or clicked some poly boxes on your profile by accident??
Clearly. The basis of what you are saying is not so clear however. Nor do you appear interested in elaborating on it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Maybe you have that poly vibe on you or clicked some poly boxes on your profile by accident??
Amazing how often that happens actually - that people complain about receiving too many messages from one particular group type or another - only to find out later they had checked some box by mistake in their profile - or used some Acronym incorrectly - or some other key word or phrase that people from the group in question respond to.
I have not heard of many people at all getting approached for the kinds of things the OP is talking about - so it crossed my mind too that this is a "It is not them - it is him" situation and there may in fact be some aspect of his profile that these people are specifically responding too that he put there in his naivety or some such.
In two years of OLD and hundreds of messages and years of bar hopping, I have not even been once asked to be part of a polywhatever relationship. And I am near LA, where you would guess everything goes.
Maybe you have that poly vibe on you or clicked some poly boxes on your profile by accident??
I get asked about poly stuff all the time when I'm online. I suspect in LA there are more organized ways to go about meeting other poly folk?
But yeah, like the OP, I make it clear I'm pretty left wing in my profile and fairly open-minded, so I think that has something to do with it.
And yes, you can click the wrong box for sure. I accidentally clicked "male" on a site I was just looking at and thinking about joining during one of their free trials, and they keep sending me profiles of women now. LOL.
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