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"Marriage" doesn't do anything to a couple. A couple gets married - and their marriage is what they make of it.
You keep talking about how you love her - but then everything you say about your possible future marriage and how she figures into it sounds like you think she's a horrible person and you don't trust her.
Do not get married if you are having second thoughts about it. Just go on and continue dating until you are completely sure, or break up.
I don't think that "continue dating" will be an option. People don't generally want to continue dating after their partner called off their engagement.
And don't forget, OP, your imaginary wife will steal those imaginary kids from you and you won't see them again! You might not even be the father of these imaginary kids but you will have to pay all your money and live in a cardboard box.
Continue to fight the good fight, OP. On the internet, under multiple user names, where it really matters.
No. I'm not going to make a huge sacrifice and potentially ruin my life just for the sake of making a gesture like so many other men out there. I'm not going to be another statistic, another lemming.
You say that if I love her, I'll do it, but if she loves me, and if she truly wants the real thing, she'll understand and stay with me. If she wants a gesture, she can have a ring. If she leaves, I'll move on.
Here's what stands out to me. You say you put a lot of thought in prior to proposing you get married.
Then you list a bunch of thoughts that supposedly frighten you, which would presumably be things you'd have thought of prior to deciding to propose marriage (or SHOULD have been things you'd have thought of), so apparently, you didn't do as much thinking about it as you say, or not enough, at any rate. And, FWIW, I think you are borrowing trouble with a lot of the things you listed, but enough people have already responded very thoughtfully addressing them bullet point by bullet point. And given that you've already decided how you're going to proceed, I don't see the point in wasting the keystrokes with refuting things or offering an alternate perspective on things you've already decided in your head are problems. Also, I think this thread is just another excuse for the usual members to bang the "marriage is a bad deal for men" drum that gets banged approximately 15 times a day around here.
I'll play, though. Here's the deal...
Why SHOULD you fiancee stay with you?
"Marrying you would be a huge sacrifice. I'd be potentially ruining my life if I married you. It would be an empty gesture, and I'd feel like a lemming. But I hope that we can continue to be together, because it's not that I don't want you. I just don't want to ruin my life by marrying you."
If you think there's another way to spin this sentiment that would make ANYbody think, "Oh, absolutely, let's carry on with this relationship," I think you are completely delusional.
Hm. Creating an account to declare your intention to break up with your fiancee, then arguing with people about it. This sounds familiar.
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