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If alcohol was involved then things get said which are often not meant. I guess that is true sometimes when alcohol is not involved.
Not trying to defend him. That was a very hurtful thing to say. I sure spit out my share of "nasties" in arguments when I was hurt and disappointed.....as well as drunk.
...sounds like two people who just need to "work through" their disagreements??
Um, yes, from what little OP has posted.
Two people who don't know how to communicate, have different communication style, and are simply reacting to what was said on the surface.
You both need couples counseling if you want your relationship to last ... in particular, you both need to learn how to "fight" fairly. Arguing can actually improve your relationship as long as you know how to do it correctly/fairly.
I am especially interested in knowing why anyone would WANT to improve a relationship with someone who would say:
I was being moody because I couldn't get over other things he's said to me in the past. Things like, "you make me so mad, I want to kill you." DURING an argument as well. And then one time I told him I really wanted to just die, and he said this (despite knowing I'm a spiritual individual): "hah, you think you're gonna die and easily go to heaven? Look at all your bad deeds before wishing for death." - this hurt me a lot because I take religion very seriously, and I would never comment on someone else's good deeds or sins especially if they were already feeling suicidal.
Maybe I wouldn't be so hurt at his comment if this was the first time he said something hurtful. His issue with me is that I'm passive-agressive often (which I AM after he says things to me like this)
When I'm mad at him though, I think the worst thing I said to him was that he's an idiot (because he lied to me about something I was extremely upset over) - I've never said things that I KNOW would make him hurt or cringe. I usually just shut-down when I'm mad - which I guess bothers him as he is 'very expressive.'
I am especially interested in knowing why anyone would WANT to improve a relationship with someone who would say:
You take that literally?
I took it as an expression of the level of anger and frustration.
Maybe if he were normally violent or was waving a gun around would I take that literally.
When he was done being angry, he said that 'obviously he doesn't think I'm the worst person ever, otherwise why would he be with me.' and so I believed that - which does make sense to a certain degree. But seriously, is it fair for people to say SUCH mean things out of anger that have the power to resonate in someone else's mind forever?
Relationships aren't "fair." Relationships are a choice. You are choosing to be with someone that says such mean things to you.
I was being moody because I couldn't get over other things he's said to me in the past. Things like, "you make me so mad, I want to kill you." DURING an argument as well. And then one time I told him I really wanted to just die, and he said this (despite knowing I'm a spiritual individual): "hah, you think you're gonna die and easily go to heaven? Look at all your bad deeds before wishing for death." - this hurt me a lot because I take religion very seriously, and I would never comment on someone else's good deeds or sins especially if they were already feeling suicidal.
Maybe I wouldn't be so hurt at his comment if this was the first time he said something hurtful. His issue with me is that I'm passive-agressive often (which I AM after he says things to me like this)
When I'm mad at him though, I think the worst thing I said to him was that he's an idiot (because he lied to me about something I was extremely upset over) - I've never said things that I KNOW would make him hurt or cringe. I usually just shut-down when I'm mad - which I guess bothers him as he is 'very expressive.'
This sounds like an absolutely terrible relationship from all angles.
You take that literally?
I took it as an expression of the level of anger and frustration.
Maybe if he were normally violent or was waving a gun around would I take that literally.
Hell yes, I take it literally. No guy I have ever been with has said anything remotely close to that.
How many free passes do YOU give someone??? What worse thing do they have to say beyond, "You're the worst person I've ever known. I want to kill you ..." for YOU to take it seriously??
They sound incredibly toxic together. Some people just bring out the worst in each other, and I see about a dozen flaming red flags here, the worst being the OP's indecision.
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