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Some people need more time, OP. It's not a big deal. You could have waited another couple of dates. oh well.
Yeah, seriously. If she was still going out on dates with you it was obvious she was interested. I don't know. For as much as I like physical intimacy, I usually let women take the lead on stuff like that. The more comfortable she is, the more open she's going to be to showing her affection.
i give them as much time as they need or want. i wont push anyone into anything. for instance my last girlfriend and i had been dating for about two months, and she asked my why i never tried kissing her. my response was that she never seemed to want to be kissed. i then told her that i wont push her into anything she doesnt want.
When it comes to relationships....you can't set a time limit on something.
You just can't....that's why it's so tricky. You want to find someone and form a connection, but at the same time you don't want to waste time on something that isn't going to go anywhere. The reality is...you don't know for sure. I notice that's a lot of people's problem nowadays. They try too hard to be proactive and they are impatient.
There shouldn't be a rush and I would want things to be as natural as possible when getting to know another person. That's what life is about. There is no set of rules to play by nor is there a manual. Everything really just depends.
i give them as much time as they need or want. i wont push anyone into anything. for instance my last girlfriend and i had been dating for about two months, and she asked my why i never tried kissing her. my response was that she never seemed to want to be kissed. i then told her that i wont push her into anything she doesnt want.
^^^^^^ Beautifully said, rbohm!! And .... THIS should rule.
- Went on 4 dates with a girl several months ago
- After 4 dates, she was unwillling to kiss me
- I politely called things off that night, and she responded with a long e-mail saying I had taken her by surprise and that she was "confused"/didn't know how she felt
- I thought it was dumb and maintained my stance. I just told her that once she figured out what she wanted, she'd find someone and it wouldn't be so difficult
Since that happened, I've found out that after I ended things with her, she spent the next short while sobbing crying and feeling sorry for herself about her dating woes. This doesn't necessarily change my impression of that overall experience, mainly because I gave her an opportunity to tell me how she felt (after explaining how I felt) at the end of that 4th date and she decided to try and play coy instead, but it does make me wonder what people's expectations are for getting to know someone before stepping things up from the initial introductory stage.
So, this is a question about you: what are your expectations? How much time do you expect to be given to get to know someone before you're okay with advancing things beyond "Hi, my name is _____, let's eat food."? Similarly, how much time do you give someone else to get to know you before you walk away?
By the end of the 4th date, why didn't you just talk to her about kissing, her feelings, her comfort level, your feelings, etc. instead of just calling it off? Don't people talk to each other anymore?
Usually depends how patient they can be with me. I move things along similar to the girl you described in your post. If they like me, they'll stick around. Though if I have gotten to a fourth date, there has been kissing. I have to disagree with the poster that said talk about the kissing. No, these things just need to happen. Someone who moves as slow as this girl and me don't want to talk about it. Just like men don't typically like the "we have to talk/where is the relationship headed sort of talks" yes, but that would have been better than just cutting it off. Surprised it was you, Moonbeam as I usually agree with you. But I repped you anyways as your post was still excellent :-)
If you have yourself a timeline... (like "we go all the way by the third date...or I'm gone") the nice thing to do is tell the other person... so they know. Otherwise, ... well, they can't look at your butt and read your mind... that's all I'm saying.
Usually depends how patient they can be with me. I move things along similar to the girl you described in your post. If they like me, they'll stick around. Though if I have gotten to a fourth date, there has been kissing. I have to disagree with the poster that said talk about the kissing. No, these things just need to happen. Someone who moves as slow as this girl and me don't want to talk about it. Just like men don't typically like the "we have to talk/where is the relationship headed sort of talks" yes, but that would have been better than just cutting it off. Surprised it was you, Moonbeam as I usually agree with you. But I repped you anyways as your post was still excellent :-)
I gotcha!
But what I mean is, at the end of the 4th date he could have said something like "I'd really like to kiss you goodnight..." and see what she said. She could say she doesn't kiss until X date, or she could say she doesn't like him that way but enjoys his company, or any number of other things. But he didn't even give her a chance!
But what I mean is, at the end of the 4th date he could have said something like "I'd really like to kiss you goodnight..." and see what she said. She could say she doesn't kiss until X date, or she could say she doesn't like him that way but enjoys his company, or any number of other things. But he didn't even give her a chance!
True, I had regretted the times I didn't tell the other person at this stage in dating what was on my mind, usually the opposite- I feel you're coming on too strong and you're about to scare me away. What do you have to loose when you're about to cut it off? Just say it
By the end of the 4th date, why didn't you just talk to her about kissing, her feelings, her comfort level, your feelings, etc. instead of just calling it off? Don't people talk to each other anymore?
Please re-read the part where I said I gave her an opportunity to tell me how she felt, after I told her how I felt.
Then re-read the part where I asked you tell me what your expectations were.
Last edited by justThis; 07-31-2015 at 01:01 AM..
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