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I see it as "why aren't you romantic anymore?" which is a very common complaint from women in LTR's. It's like with some guys, once they have you they stop trying, start farting in front of you, don't take you on dates anymore, don't compliment, seduce, all that.
I would not say ego, but I would say women in a LTR do still need validation that you love us and find us desirable. I think regardless it should be discussed. It is stupid to me to wonder what she meant when he could have just asked her to clarify her feelings.
And some women need validation from other guys that they are desirable and she may have meant she wanted to be "chased" by men in general. The whole concept of being "chased" implies that one is not yet "caught" therefore is still "free".
People should choose their words carefully when dealing with these kinds of sensitive emotional matters. It's very easy for the other person to misunderstand or incorrectly interpret what you meant, especially in this day and age.
If all she meant was that she didn't want to be taken for granted, then she chose her words poorly.
Despite being together for two years, I think the OP and her just weren't compatible in the long term. He did the right thing by breaking it off. Being "in sync" communication-wise and treatment-wise is essential for the long term health of a relationship.
A guy said the same thing to my daughter once. What he meant, and what he was picking up on, was that she just wasn't that into him. That's the underlying issue with ALL breakups but people say different things to get out of relationships.
OP, I haven't met any woman who is OK with not being chased at any point during a relationship. In a moment of truth I said the same thing to my husband, and it bothered me that he dismissed what I told him, suggesting that my expectations are too high and that in a long term relationship I should settle for the old boring kind of love, which to him is apparently normal. The way I see it is that he's taking me for granted and he thinks that once I said YES he can relax and get lazy, gain weight, ignore me and only grab my boob or butt when HE feels like it, without regard to my needs.
Be grateful that your GF was honest with you and had the conversation and told you what bothers her. The next step if nothing changes would be that she starts looking around, because there are probably other men out there who will show her more attention and interest than you are. And the next step after that depends on each woman's decision on whether she can live with cheating or not.
Call it stupid all you want, but a woman has the PERMANENT need to feel that her partner appreciates her, wants her, sees her beautiful and actively shows love to her. She got in a relationship with you because of all your efforts to impress her, because of your tenderness, your flowers, your surprises, etc. She did not get in a relationship with you because she couldn't wait to see you laying on the couch eating, ignoring the fact that she's around and taking her for granted. A lot of men think that this is a normal evolution of a relationship; although it may be common, it is not what women expect and want.
Would you want a GF who stops taking care of herself once married? who gains weight, burps/farts publicly, spends all time in front of the TV, while telling you "but honey, deep in my soul you know I love you". That's now how it works. A good relationship is one in which neither side lowers their standards, and none of them gets too comfortable and stops chasing the other.
I am very seriously considering divorce at this point. It is a primary need of mine to feel wanted and loved; to be taken for granted- I don't need a husband for that; i can get a roommate.
i think his point was that its a two way road. he made it sound that his gf wasnt reciprocating interest and just expected him to do everything, but maybe i misinterpreted what he was saying
I agree about with the two-road rule. However, in the original posting there is no mentioning of whether she was still doing her share or not. Since he wanted to take the relationship to a "more serious" level, she probably still acted in a way that he found interesting/attractive. By the way, if the OP is reading this, please clarify. I am only guessing here.
What got me is "Needless to say I felt somewhat disrespected that is what she wanted". That shows that a lot of men have NO CLUE about women's expectations in a relationship. Seriously, your woman's need to feel wanted surprises you, and you even feel DISRESPECTED?!!!! Also, instead of just vanishing she actually tried to make it work by verbalizing the source of her unhappiness, and you feel disrespected?
If you are woman, please raise your hand if you want the chasing/courting period to be over as soon as you seal the deal!
If you are a man, raise your hand if it is acceptable to you that as soon as you "catch" your GF, she stops taking care of herself, stops trying to seduce you/be pretty for you/be interesting for you/ be nice and do all the cute things you fell for in the first place.
Com'mon guys, let's not mistake laziness/comfort for a healthy relationship.
I started dating you BECAUSE you were treating me well, bringing me flowers, dressing nicely, acting responsibly, taking care of yourself, making yourself an interesting partner (which are all part of the chase). If you stop that, what makes you more special than any random dude in pyjamas who plays video games on some couch and then says "but I love you" when I leave? If I don't feel your love and interest in me, what good is it?
For a woman it is a sign of respect to her partner to shave, smell nice, dress sexy, act flirty, do activities, join her SO in his hobbies, be a good conversationalist, and just be likable. How can you demand love and commitment when you don't do your share?
Just out of curiosity, is this the type of woman who's very attractive and thinks that the only thing she needs to contribute to the relationship is her physical presence?
I agree about with the two-road rule. However, in the original posting there is no mentioning of whether she was still doing her share or not. Since he wanted to take the relationship to a "more serious" level, she probably still acted in a way that he found interesting/attractive. By the way, if the OP is reading this, please clarify. I am only guessing here.
What got me is "Needless to say I felt somewhat disrespected that is what she wanted". That shows that a lot of men have NO CLUE about women's expectations in a relationship. Seriously, your woman's need to feel wanted surprises you, and you even feel DISRESPECTED?!!!! Also, instead of just vanishing she actually tried to make it work by verbalizing the source of her unhappiness, and you feel disrespected?
If you are woman, please raise your hand if you want the chasing/courting period to be over as soon as you seal the deal!
If you are a man, raise your hand if it is acceptable to you that as soon as you "catch" your GF, she stops taking care of herself, stops trying to seduce you/be pretty for you/be interesting for you/ be nice and do all the cute things you fell for in the first place.
Com'mon guys, let's not mistake laziness/comfort for a healthy relationship.
I started dating you BECAUSE you were treating me well, bringing me flowers, dressing nicely, acting responsibly, taking care of yourself, making yourself an interesting partner (which are all part of the chase). If you stop that, what makes you more special than any random dude in pyjamas who plays video games on some couch and then says "but I love you" when I leave? If I don't feel your love and interest in me, what good is it?
For a woman it is a sign of respect to her partner to shave, smell nice, dress sexy, act flirty, do activities, join her SO in his hobbies, be a good conversationalist, and just be likable. How can you demand love and commitment when you don't do your share?
Thank you!!!
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