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I know there are reasons why we fall out of love with someone we are with. What is your experience in terms of falling out of love. What are the first things you do in the beginning stages? What was the final thing you did before you left the relationship (if you did). I know everyone goes about falling out of love differently. This inquiring mind wants to know.
Finding other things to do on 'your' night. Being pickier about discussions; alternately, letting some things go, because they don't matter. Thinking about other things while she's telling stories. Being told I feel like I am acting just like your last partner. A lack of passion. Recalling you had this conversation several times before, and it doesn't end any better now that it has been resurrected. Not seeing or feeling the 'spark' any longer. Going through an extended dry spell of disconnection.
A book titled "Uncoupling" by Diane Vaughan is really helpful in identifying the process, which can be separate for different folk. It is still relevant, though it was written about 25 years ago. See link: http://www.amazon.com/Uncoupling-Tur.../dp/0679730028
We failed to make "us" a priority in our lives. We stopped talking and communicating. Intimacy waned significantly. I noticed the problems well before my wife and I couldn't engage her to seriously acknowledge what was happening. I got depressed and withdrew from the relationship.
The times I've fallen out of love, in retrospect, it's because I wasn't really in love to being with. The ones I really loved, I still have some feelings for them--even after a breakup. It never seems to really die 100%.
It starts with spending less time with each other because it feels pretty good, if not better, doing your own thing than doing things together. One partner may start playing solitary video games; the other prefers to be out with friends or watch a TV show by themselves, and this scenario happens increasingly frequent, where you no longer eat together and your conversations don't go to a deeper level - they are more about mundane stuff.
It includes not being intimate/not having sex for increasingly longer periods. Lack of physical eroticism is a HUGE gap, that you can ignore for a while, but you cannot cover with anything.
It includes looking at your partner and realizing that what attracted you to them in the first place is not longer there: they don't try to look good or be interesting for you; they are focused on their own stuff rather than "us" (the couple), they act like a friend, not a lover; you don't feel wanted/admired/cherished. It is painful to admit this part, because you have to face your own shallowness & selfishness. It's disappointing to realize that yes, looks and physical appearance do matter (you want at least someone who's TRYING, because that's a sign they actually care about you) and that yes, you need to feel wanted in a relationship.
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