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It was an important question to ask in the context of this conversation. A lot of women will say that you need to take time to get to know a partner because of these risks, but the reality is that even if you do...unless you demand proof and/or use protection (which we all know is merely a risk mitigator, not a risk eliminator), it's honestly not enough to wait until you "know" them.
Most people don't demand proof.
Many don't use protection.
I tend to use protection, though once in a while I don't, and I know there is a certain "roll your dice take your chances" factor to things. I get tested often though (every few months) unless in a long committed relationship. My 18 year marriage where I was sure we were both faithful, I didn't. Since then, I do, and before then, I did.
That STD test is a must for me. If the guy I dated before my husband was not too cheap to pay for the test, he honestly would have gotten my v card. I mean it's gonna be my first ever so it's a must because I didn't wait 4 decades just to get STD in one shot, LOL. He just said if he has STD that he may have symptoms of it by now... His loss....
Now the WTF factor is, I did tell my husband to get an STD, he told me he got tested 2 years prior. It's negative. I was stupid to believe him and not demand the result, more stupid is I don't think he used condom the first time we did it. Although he use condom after we got married coz he does not want kids.
I actually ask him why he lied to me that he got tested. Turns out he didn't get tested.
He eventually got tested, I saw the results online, he showed the needle mark where they took his blood, I saw the payment from the STD test center. But it was because he did something that if he did not get tested, I will divorce him. I told him I won't touch him ever again. Although when he got tested, we did the deed that night, he actually told me shouldn't we wait for the results, first, I said no, stupid I know. Fortunately, he is clean. I just don't know why the gonorrhea/chlamydia result took longer coz he passed everything including that 2 but we have to wait. Is that normal?
You met up ten days in two months. Pulease. Hardly enough time to put feet in the water. Maybe you should start dating more than four days a month and get to kniw each other comfotably. Maybe she likes comfort before sex.
I dont know about her, but i cant feel comfortable having sex with a guy I just met and only see four days a month.
Sketchy guy wanted to move in with me, its me who only wanted to see him 1x per week and even then I was all, maybe.
I think its normal fine and perfectly healthy for these busy lives of ours, especially if you don't want to reproduce.
That STD test is a must for me. If the guy I dated before my husband was not too cheap to pay for the test, he honestly would have gotten my v card. I mean it's gonna be my first ever so it's a must because I didn't wait 4 decades just to get STD in one shot, LOL. He just said if he has STD that he may have symptoms of it by now... His loss....
Now the WTF factor is, I did tell my husband to get an STD, he told me he got tested 2 years prior. It's negative. I was stupid to believe him, more stupid is I don't think he used condom the first time we did it. Although he use condom after we got married coz he does not want kids.
He eventually got tested, I saw the results online, he showed the needle mark where they took his blood. But it was because he did something that if he did not get tested, I will divorce him. I told him I won't touch him ever again. Although when he got tested, we did the deed that night, he actually told me shouldn't we wait for the results, first, I said no, stupid I know. Fortunately, he is clean. I just don't know why the gonorrhea/chlamydia result took longer coz he passed everything including that 2 but we have to wait. Is that normal?
You might wanna open a new thread about that std question.
Update. I spoke with her and she confided that her ex, the father of her kids, has been asking for another chance and she is torn on what to do. Moving on, mystery solved. /thread.
Do not give up based on assumptions. Be adults, talk about what your expectations are, and if they are mutually agreeable, then you move forward. She might have lots of hangups about sex. I have been divorced almost 2 years, am dating someone now, and we definitely want to take it to the next level, but we just haven't been able to work out the time thing yet...we don't want a wham bam thank you maam, so it takes planning, patience, and persistence! We are very open about our communication, we know what we want, where we see US going, and what our expectations are, and therefore, we can both feel somewhat at ease, but as the mother of five, I can GUARANTEE you I am still hung up about my body. I have so many issues, I could be my own magazine! He is drop dead gorgeous, though he keeps saying he has far from a perfect body...well, if he is far from it, then I am in another galaxy! Anyway, the point of my rant is....TALK!! If you can't talk now, then you will not be able to talk when it is really important and possibly much more dire! One more thing--you cannot get all you want in a loving relationship if you are reserved and don't want to get hurt--love is all in or all out---don't short yourself by trying to play small and protect yourself--you will miss out on the wonderful, passionate, intimacy that comes in a deeply committed relationship!
Update. I spoke with her and she confided that her ex, the father of her kids, has been asking for another chance and she is torn on what to do. Moving on, mystery solved. /thread.
Good call. Someone still pawing over an ex is a top three (3), level 2 dealbreaker. Wonderful. I hope you find someone whos into you who you like.
Good call. Someone still pawing over an ex is a top three (3), level 2 dealbreaker. Wonderful. I hope you find someone whos into you who you like.
Yup, no way this would end well if I decided to hang on and compete for her affection. But no regrets, we had a great time and it's encouraging to meet someone I clicked with. Much better that we weren't intimate, makes it easier to move on.
Activated the profile, had a message from a month ago. I responded and exchanged a couple messages. Got her number and called. We talked for an hour, I'll take her out next week,,, as they say, just got to get back on the horse .
I hate that. I had a man I was getting very excited to meet and start something with...turns out he's still all wrapped up over his last relationship and doesn't feel ready to move on. In fact the last relationship isn't really even over, she just wanted to take a step back and open it up, and he's been used to monogamy his whole life, so he's trying to wrap his head around this change.
Either way though. He bailed out before we had a chance to see if the two of us would work. I was bummed. I really liked him, from what I knew, which admittedly was limited to the opening moves of getting to know each other via texts. Still. Thought it had good prospects. Oh, well.
Sucks when you kinda have your hopes up, and it doesn't work out.
I would have agreed with this prior to um...July 1st of this year. It was then, at age 36, that I realized what I wanted in a sexual partner, and where the sexual bar is set for the rest of my life. If no other man ever meets it, well, at least (unlike probably a lot of people who NEVER find out what their own particular version of super sex is actually like) I had that experience. My Mom tells me that she only ever had one man in her life blow her mind like that and none other has come close since.
Seems no matter how you tell a guy what you like and want, he's gonna do what he does. And just hope you dig it. Men don't take instruction, from what I've seen. And so no...one partner is not just as good as another. And no, it's not necessarily about what you FEEL for the person, nor your attachment to them in other respects, that makes it good or not. Not when it's THAT good.
I have quite a bit of experience with quite a number of guys. I sincerely believe now that 2.4% of you (by my math) know how to do it well. Seriously I'd rather not be with a man that accept less, at this point, and from what I'm seeing, the odds are not good. Maybe I should start seeing women.
If there is a way to figure out if a guy is what I want and will do what I need, without having a go, I'd love to know...I'd say "talking to them" but regardless of how a woman is viewed for speaking frankly of such matters, there's the fact that plenty of guys will just agree to or say anything to get a chance. Once they're there....pfft. They're just doing what they do and assuming you're gonna love it.
Taking instruction is something I have always done. Why waste your time doing something that isn't doing it for your partner. When I first got back into dating I went out with a much younger woman and the first question I asked was what do you like and tell me when I hit the right spot or get it right. She commented that she couldn't believe I asked what she liked and how because her old BF just did it his way like you said, and she just went with it. I am a firm believer in asking questions if it is going to produce mind-blowing sex.
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His loss....
