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WARNING TL;DR
I'm currently going through an argument with my SO (significant other) and I'm not sure if I'm in the right or wrong. The story I am about to tell will be vague for obvious reasons.
Here's what happened:
My SO's friend (lets call this person "N"), N is a shady, on-and-off-long-term friend of my SO who has been known to take advantage of my SO's kindness. My SO, and I had an event coming up very soon. The event is more fun if you bring a project. We all almost didn't participate without one until I offered to help make N's with my SO's help. This also meant my SO and I were making one for ourselves too. N can be very sassy, so I told N beforehand nothing will be perfect because this is all last minute. The project-making all takes place at my house. N came over only two times in the week my SO and I were working on everything. N barely came to help because N wanted see N's own partner because N was in the honeymoon phase. A lot of MONEY, TIME, AND EFFORT was put into these projects. It required sleepless nights, blood, sweat, and tears. There was a big mess mainly for N's project. I told N to please clean after N was finished. N agreed but never got to it. A family member spectated and helped out quite a bit (mostly with N's project). N barely thanked my family member unless I forced N to say thanks. We ALMOST finish our projects before the event. The most finished was N's while my SO and I were struggling to finish our own. N was suppose to come over and finish it, however N decided to go to the event first to get N's ticket earlier and settle into N's hotel. N told us to FINISH IT and BRING IT ASAP. My SO and I panicking to pack and finish the projects because of N. After driving through horrible traffic, my SO and I finally reach our own hotel for the event. We felt like we could relax for one minute after all the chaos. Unfortunately, N arrives from N's hotel to our hotel very angry; N was extremely grumpy and spewing a bunch of attitude. It was night time and N felt like it was an inconvenience for N to come to us (using a free comfy shuttle) to pick up N's own stuff (which N barely worked on) and finish it here. I don't know why but my SO and I sucked up to N trying to make N happy and ask if everything was okay. N said everything was "fine" then later complained to our other friend LITERALLY behind our backs. My friend said N was giving attitude on purpose. N was angry because we didn't finish fast enough for N and then bring it to N earlier. After N left and my SO and I sat there in silence knowing N was angry at us for not finishing N's project fast enough. I stayed up till 4AM to finish my own project because I was always working on N's. The next day N acts normal and happy while I'm still pissed off but my SO told me to chill. We all hang out and everyone is having a good time until one of our friends confronts me and my SO. N wasn't around so my friend explained to me N had talked crap about my SO and ESPECIALLY ME to people who held a grudge against me years ago for something small (I think it was over a fruit). The gossiping at N's hotel was so horrendous my friend wanted to sleep in my SO and I's hotel. After the event we get back to my place having the mentality to clean up our mess. Turns out my family member cleaned up our mess (including N's). N never offered to help clean. N also never gave credit to me nor my SO while N got a lot of attention for N's project. N never apologizes.
I had sworn to never talk to N after that day and my SO wanted to drop N as a friend.
Months later N's birthday is coming up and my SO decides to celebrate it. (I did not attend)
They also enjoy playing games together most nights through Skype.
I ask why my SO would do such a thing and my SO gets angry at me saying I should get over it and I'm being "crazy" for throwing a fit. My SO had a "change of heart" of the situation and I'm acting like a "diva".
N never apologized. N disrespected me, my house, and my family.
Do I have a right to be mad?
Learn to draw lines around yourself, what you personally will do or not do. Learn to do it with clarity and compassion from a position of strength
"You can consider her a friend, but I don't. I won't involve her in my life."
"Just leave me out of your plans with Xxxx. Go and do whatever you like with her, but I won't be participating"
"Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. But also a learning experience. I've learned that I am better off without Xxxx in my life. Your an adult and can involve her in yours, but I saying 'no more' to her and her behaviour in mine"
"I have learned from my own mistake of expending energy and incurring stress on behalf of Xxxx. No more. You can regard her however you like, but she is out of my life."
"Please don't ask me again to involve Xxxx in my life. Her behavior was a learning experience for me and I have learned to say 'no' to people who exploit me."
My biggest concern is that this person drives a wedge between you and your significant other. You didn't indicate you were married, so I'm assuming you aren't. If this other person has it in for you, it could be that they are purposely trying to cause issues.
As long as you and your SO are communicating, that's one thing, but if your SO is not on your side...
To me, all the issues seem to surround having to work night and day on a messy "project" that consumes your money and your life before getting to attend a "fun" event.
Frankly, none of it sounds fun at all. Without that kind of pressure I am sure you all would get along much better.
So you offered to help N with her project and was left doing it all?
Then there was a rumor that N was badmouthing you?
And N is not even your friend but your SO's friend?
And now you're mad because your SO wants to remain friends with N?
I cannot believe that I got through that. Try spacing and paragraphs please next time
But....Heck Yes! you should dump this "friend" user, they're an ingrate, demanding, phony and lazy.
And, your SO needs to have your back too. I'd be mad at her too. Sounds like your SO is/was more worried about her friends feelings then yours...That would make me question my relationship and my value.
I would have quit working on the friends project the first time they didn't show up. You have to make sure not to allow others to use you like this person has. Good luck
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