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Whether it's because you don't attract those you're attracted to, bad with the opposite sex, approach anxiety etc. Would you "settle" for someone you're not attracted to?
1. Like you said, you just go for, and date, someone your aren't attracted to because you feel you won't get anything better, or what you really want.
2. There's settling as in as going for the types you like, but you accept whatever they are willing to give you, just for a chance to have them at all.
Both are bad. And not good to advise anyone to settle. Compromise, sure.
But both options show the person has given up, far as finding someone they genuinely want, who feels the same. And possibly their self-esteem has diminished.
Some are cool with the #2 option. Like settling for a sex buddy relationship when they wanted love. Long as the types they like at least want them for something, even that makes them happy. Which is sad it got to that point. But it is what it is.
And not good to advise anyone to settle. Compromise, sure.
I like this distinction.
I've known quite a few men and women who've settled with something that inherently doesn't make them happy because they don't want to be alone. Prime recipe for resentment.
I think it's about knowing where your own personal priorities are and sticking to them. Yes, there might very well be compromise on other things, but to let go of what is important to you just to be with someone? Pathway to disaster.
Whether it's because you don't attract those you're attracted to, bad with the opposite sex, approach anxiety etc. Would you "settle" for someone you're not attracted to?
I've tried to settle for guys I'm not attracted to and it hasn't worked. But like I said, maybe I'm just not desperate enough to really want to make it work yet, but who knows what the future holds!
And not good to advise anyone to settle. Compromise, sure.
I agree. My friend and I had a conversation about the difference between the two not too long ago as he was wrestling with whether or not to move forward with a relationship in which she wants more than he does. He was questioning whether he'd be compromising or settling and realized he'd be settling.
Personally, I don't want to be a woman a man settles for. Compromise, yes, but settle no. I deserve and want more than "well, I guess you'll do" as any self-respecting person should. I also don't want to be a woman who settles for a man who is fully invested when deep down, I know I'm not.
One time I compromised on a guy I was attracted to and had chemistry with, but wasn't totally compatible on the life goals front. In the end we didn't have similar levels of ambition and our upbringings ended up causing conflict so it didn't work. I couldn't see anything lasting there based on chemistry and interesting conversation.
I learned I can't compromise on life goals and ambition. I can't compromise on chemistry, but emotional chemistry can enhance physical chemistry. I can't compromise on "love styles" or I'll just feel neglected if my partner doesn't understand what I want there. But I am willing to give up being a snazzy dresser.
Rather be alone than make the wrong compromises. Definitely not settling. Relationships should enhance my life, not detract, derail or diminish my life.
I am very very happy that I settled in my youth. The alternative is not getting what you need sexually through out life, for us guys if we don't get it when we are young then by the time you hit 40 your pretty much done. The internet porn thing got old FAST so you quickly realize what you have to do. Divorced twice and always had a woman inbetween but totally worth it, I would not change a thing.
I know guys that want that cute little woman with the perky breasts etc etc. I think it would be cool to have a sasquatch mounted in my living room as a conversation piece too lol.
Its a fine line between compromise and settling. I think a better phrase would be "being realistic". A guy may be settling in his mind but in reality he is just being realistic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
I agree. My friend and I had a conversation about the difference between the two not too long ago as he was wrestling with whether or not to move forward with a relationship in which she wants more than he does. He was questioning whether he'd be compromising or settling and realized he'd be settling.
Personally, I don't want to be a woman a man settles for. Compromise, yes, but settle no. I deserve and want more than "well, I guess you'll do" as any self-respecting person should. I also don't want to be a woman who settles for a man who is fully invested when deep down, I know I'm not.
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