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I try to talk about the other person. I find that most people like to talk about themselves. So I will start off by asking about their trip to the date site (did you have trouble finding it, that sort of small talk) and then I elevate it into things I know they enjoy. When I hit on something we both enjoy, then I will talk about my role.
For example, in my current relationship we started talking about science fiction right away, talking about what books we read, favorite movies, etc, etc, after a while the conversation started to flow a little better and one subject naturally lead into another.
If things seem like they are slowing down, ask questions. So if your date mentions a favorite movie ask them why, what they liked about it, etc. When they say they like the genre ask them what got them interested in it, etc. You also need to pepper in stuff about yourself too so it doesn't become an interrogation. You can't overdo either asking too many questions or talking about yourself, it's a fine balance.
It's no different than what I would talk about with any new person I meet. But I always try to steer clear of discussions about past relationships. I am totally turned off when my date starts to discuss his divorce. Just no no no.
Talk about positive things, great experiences, best places you've travelled to, best moments of your life etc etc. Have your date close their eyes, and describe some of those. They will subconsciously associate spending time with you, with those positive experiences.
I never talk about negative things, past relationships, politics, religion or sex (unless the date goes well, which is more often than not). Same reason. Complaining and negativity are probably the worst routes to take.
Yeah, as others have posted, the worst mistake you can make is talking about exs/being negative. Try to keep the conversation upbeat, happy, and light.
I try to avoid hot-button topics like politics and religion, though it's hard living in this area without politics coming up. I agree with not discussing previous relationships, that is a definite no. I dated most recently people I met through OKC, so I already knew some things about them. I just asked them about things they wrote on their profile for the most part, and the conversation seemed to flow pretty easily.
I try to avoid hot-button topics like politics and religion, though it's hard living in this area without politics coming up. I agree with not discussing previous relationships, that is a definite no. I dated most recently people I met through OKC, so I already knew some things about them. I just asked them about things they wrote on their profile for the most part, and the conversation seemed to flow pretty easily.
I usually prefer not to talk about work in that much detail. I don't know how the people I've gone out with feel about discussing their jobs but I've had a few girls ask about my career in more detail than I would have liked and it was a turnoff -- gave the date way too much of a date feeling.
The thing about this is, it can only be done so much. Unless you're talking to someone who is extremely self-absorbed sooner or later they're going to want to know at least something about you.
In particular I remember one time when we were sharing stories about work. She shared two long, thorough descriptions about not only her current job, but her previous one. Then it came my turn and...I botched it! I think I mumbled a few sentences about what a work day looked like for me before switching topics. Actually, I try to wave topics away from my work since it's sort of depressing (I work in the mental health field), but it's tough given how work oriented us Americans are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary
I try to talk about the other person. I find that most people like to talk about themselves. So I will start off by asking about their trip to the date site (did you have trouble finding it, that sort of small talk) and then I elevate it into things I know they enjoy. When I hit on something we both enjoy, then I will talk about my role.
For example, in my current relationship we started talking about science fiction right away, talking about what books we read, favorite movies, etc, etc, after a while the conversation started to flow a little better and one subject naturally lead into another.
If things seem like they are slowing down, ask questions. So if your date mentions a favorite movie ask them why, what they liked about it, etc. When they say they like the genre ask them what got them interested in it, etc. You also need to pepper in stuff about yourself too so it doesn't become an interrogation. You can't overdo either asking too many questions or talking about yourself, it's a fine balance.
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