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I'm glad that many people here say that infidelity isn't inevitable. Maybe I'm just too influenced by the environment I grew up in. That's a problem I have with myself and I have never really figured out why- I worry about cheating a lot, and I also worry about stuff like 'How is life going to be when I'm old', 'Will I still be pretty in 20 years' and 'How is my relationship gonna change when we've been married for 20+ years?'
Of course cheating isn't inevitable. Between this thread and your other one //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...band-only.html you seem to be worrying a lot about a marriage that is only 2 months in.
Of course cheating isn't inevitable. Between this thread and your other one //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...band-only.html you seem to be worrying a lot about a marriage that is only 2 months in.
Or, she is having buyer's remorse and has found someone else who is exciting...
Why can't you say it? If one of you wants out, get a divorce. Maybe I'm seeing this easier than it is in reality, after all I'm only 27, so I don't know how relationships are after 20 years. But I've always been like this, with everyone I ever dated- If I'm not happy anymore or feel like needing someone else, I break up. I don't cheat.
I probably would say the same when I was your age. My views change as I get older...
When it comes to divorce, I found this to be informative with statistics
"A negative relationship between the age at which the marriage began and the propensity for the marriage to end in divorce is also apparent. Among marriages that began at ages 15 to 22, 58 percent ended in divorce. Of marriages that began at ages 23 to 28, 43 percent ended in divorce. Of marriages that began at ages 29 to 34, the percentage that ends in divorce declines further to 36 percent. Hence, the data support the finding that, on average, people who marry later are more likely than younger couples to stay married."
Of course cheating isn't inevitable. Between this thread and your other one //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...band-only.html you seem to be worrying a lot about a marriage that is only 2 months in.
Nope, that has nothing to do with it. I trust my husband, but I've always been like this. I grew up with cheating parents and I've also worried with ex-boyfriends. That's just my nature to sometimes think about these things.
I watched a TED speech today which made me think about infidelity in marriages and long relationships. The woman in the video basically said that according to her understanding (she's a couples counselor with over 20 years of experience), 75% of people cheat in a relationship. That doesn't just include the physical cheating, but also emotional cheating and similar violations of trust (setting up dating profiles, chatting up women/men online, emotional affairs etc.). That's a pretty big number IMO, but definitely believable.
That's a pretty broad definition of cheating. The broader the definition, the bigger the number.
Whether one commits a "violation of trust" is largely a matter of how their partner defines what is a violation. One man might feel "cheated on" if his wife has a few deep conversations with another man about her dreams or dresses up sexy on a girls outing in order to draw the eyes of other men. Meanwhile another man might figure who his wife talks to and what they talk about is solely up to her, and has no issues (and perhaps even pride) if other men eyeball his wife so long as she "draws the line" at physical contact, or wherever he draws his line.
Why can't you say it? If one of you wants out, get a divorce. Maybe I'm seeing this easier than it is in reality, after all I'm only 27, so I don't know how relationships are after 20 years. But I've always been like this, with everyone I ever dated- If I'm not happy anymore or feel like needing someone else, I break up. I don't cheat
Well, it's really easy to say at 27 and with no kides. And what was your longest relationship? when you have kids sometimes you want to keep the family together, there are lots of reasons people stay together that you can't understand unless you are in that situation.
Well, it's really easy to say at 27 and with no kides. And what was your longest relationship? when you have kids sometimes you want to keep the family together, there are lots of reasons people stay together that you can't understand unless you are in that situation.
That's what I said, they're probably many things I don't understand yet because I don't have the experience. BUT, what I know, is that 'keeping the family together' should never be a priority over happiness. Look, I've experienced it first hand- Both of my parents had affairs as long as I can think, I knew about it, and I saw them fighting sometimes. You can't imagine how many times I sat in my room hoping and praying they would just get a divorce and all the fighting and cheating would stop. I was a kid, but all I wanted was my parents to be happy and a peaceful life. I would have prefered to move to anothe apartment with one of my parents and to see the other parent once a week or so, IF that means I don't have to witness all the fighting and cheating anymore. Why would you want to keep a family together if one person cheats, the happiness is gone and even for the kids it would be better to divorce? I know I could never forgive cheating, and I could never cheat. I know not every relationship is meant to last forever and I know divorce can happen- But cheating is another thing.
That's what I said, they're probably many things I don't understand yet because I don't have the experience. BUT, what I know, is that 'keeping the family together' should never be a priority over happiness. Look, I've experienced it first hand- Both of my parents had affairs as long as I can think, I knew about it, and I saw them fighting sometimes. You can't imagine how many times I sat in my room hoping and praying they would just get a divorce and all the fighting and cheating would stop. I was a kid, but all I wanted was my parents to be happy and a peaceful life. I would have prefered to move to anothe apartment with one of my parents and to see the other parent once a week or so, IF that means I don't have to witness all the fighting and cheating anymore. Why would you want to keep a family together if one person cheats, the happiness is gone and even for the kids it would be better to divorce? I know I could never forgive cheating, and I could never cheat. I know not every relationship is meant to last forever and I know divorce can happen- But cheating is another thing.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that... but consider that there are many shades grey in between the perfect marriage and the ones you unfortunately had to be impacted by. For some couples, the love and passion has long faded but the companionship (physical, emotional, financial included) of not being alone and enjoying the kids in a daily basis is enough to keep it together. There is no fighting. No obvious discontent in the family. Is it perfect? No... This of course, opens the door for infidelity.....
In France, it seems that many accept this.. tolerate... and even expect their spouse to have another on the side.
For some fathers (me included), the thought of not being part of the daily lives of my children would be extremely painful.
There are any number of reasons people weigh back and forth against when determining whether or not to stay or leave a marriage.
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