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Old 10-24-2015, 05:24 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,529,594 times
Reputation: 12549

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Worked for me for the last 27 years. I'm 39 and married now. All awesome chicks I have been with. Hot and smart, too.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:25 PM
 
2,970 posts, read 2,770,510 times
Reputation: 3176
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubber Jonathan View Post
What do you mean fun? Casual sex? That's not me. A lot of girls do go for that but that's not what I'm about.
No...

OP:

I am not taking about casual sex.

Fun as in...

Doing activities that enjoyable to you other than sex.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:26 PM
 
15 posts, read 10,994 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by planetelle View Post
I don't think it is that hard, but you've told us nothing about yourself or your situation, except your age.

"Fun" means having fun. Go to a ballgame, the beach, ride bikes, whatever activities you think are fun. There's probably a young woman who enjoys the same kinds of activities that you enjoy. It's not that hard.

BTW there are MANY threads here devoted to this very topic.
I don't know what to say about myself. I'm just a normal guy. I go to work, I go out on weekends, you know just regular stuff. I'm finding it very hard. When I talk to girls they're just not that interested and if they appear to be they mostly flake on me. I'm not looking for someone who necessarily shares my interests, I'm looking for someone decent who shares my values.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:28 PM
 
4,236 posts, read 8,143,927 times
Reputation: 10208
I recommend getting a dog, but only if you're commited to having a dog.

There's just something that made women excited when I was out walking my King Charles.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:28 PM
 
2,970 posts, read 2,770,510 times
Reputation: 3176
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubber Jonathan View Post
I know what I want. I want a woman who is decent, normal, nothing special, just a normal person. I don't think anyone is that special. I don't understand why dating has become so hard. It never used to be so difficult. My dad seems to think it's still like it was when he was my age.
OP:

There are females out there who have the qualities you are looking for.

I wanted the same thing when I was your age.

It took me a while to find the man who has those qualities.

It will happen when it is supposed to happen.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
28,226 posts, read 36,883,248 times
Reputation: 28563
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubber Jonathan View Post
I don't know what to say about myself. I'm just a normal guy. I go to work, I go out on weekends, you know just regular stuff. I'm finding it very hard. When I talk to girls they're just not that interested and if they appear to be they mostly flake on me. I'm not looking for someone who necessarily shares my interests, I'm looking for someone decent who shares my values.
This is so non-specific. Normal is boring. What makes you, you? What makes you interesting? What does "regular stuff" even mean?
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:30 PM
 
Location: CA
3,467 posts, read 8,144,684 times
Reputation: 4841
In general, people want someone they find physically attractive, but we find different things attractive. Generally, make effort to maximize your physical appeal without appearing very vain or foppish. Take care of your body, have good hygeine, wear flattering clothes/haircut. Wear what suits your personality, but also maximizes the good points about your personality and physical attributes.

In general, people like a more positive mindset, which doesn't mean being some Pollyanna or motivational speaker type. For example, you could be humorously cynical if that's you, but constantly being a downer in your overall outlook or response to most situations doesnt draw people. It is more about attitude towards life than a specific demeanor. Even some melancholy demeanors have charm when the person is perhaps romantic and not a complainer.

In general, people like someone who is not one-dimensional. Niche-interests are fine and great for setting you apart, but having more interests gives you more to relate to with others. Plus, you get to have fun expanding your horizons.

In general, people like someone who can bring something to the table. Think about what you can bring and what you lack. Try to maximize the bring and minimize the lack. That doesnt mean giving to get in a needy, obligating way that repels people. It means having an abundance, feeling and appearing "full". This is what people mean when they say others find them more attractive when they are not looking; the vibe of "I need" is gone and they are sending out "I have".

In general, people like someone who shows interest in them and who makes them feel important and special. Avoid doing this in a sycophantic way which looks like neediness and manipulation again. Be fascinated by other people.

In general, people like someone who can function as an adult in practical matters. You have a job, you pay your bills, you clean your space, etc. Basically, you have a reasonable degree of responsibility.

In general, people like someone who has emotional maturity. You manage your emotions, can apologize, show thoughtfulness and respect, etc. Only emotionally damaged or immature people will not respond to this. Do not confuse this with insecure "nice" guy mentality.

In general, people like someone who appears distinctive in some way. This is why trying to be one-size-fits-all is a mistake. You do not have to be extremely unique, but think about what does distinguish you from others in general. Why should someone pick you above someone else? Sometimes it comes down to little special details.

You can lack some of this and still have a gf/bf (well, I have certainly done it). You can have all of it and not quickly or easily meet someone compatible to you, perhaps because of subjective tastes. But generally, I thimk it will make someone more appealing and increase their odds.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:42 PM
 
15 posts, read 10,994 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
This is so non-specific. Normal is boring. What makes you, you? What makes you interesting? What does "regular stuff" even mean?
Why is normal boring? What makes me me is me. I'm just a normal guy, I don't know why it has become so hard to get a date. Do I have to a superhero or some crazy celebrity to get a date? People just aren't that special. I don't know why the bar has been raised to such ridiculous levels. This is why my dad can't understand why I'm having so much trouble finding a girlfriend. Back in the day (as he always says) all you had to do was be decent, hard working, not be a criminal, treat people well and you were well in there. But nowadays you have to jump through all sorts of hoops just to get noticed, and then you have to maintain some facade of being some super exciting individual all the time. It's like everyone is trying to sell themselves as being this amazing product, when at the end of the day we're all just normal people who want to be loved. I think it's sad how just being a regular person isn't enough any more. And the pressure is far worse for men because obviously we're the ones who have to do the pursuing.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:46 PM
 
Location: san diego
491 posts, read 402,692 times
Reputation: 905
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubber Jonathan View Post
I don't know what to say about myself. I'm just a normal guy. I go to work, I go out on weekends, you know just regular stuff. I'm finding it very hard. When I talk to girls they're just not that interested and if they appear to be they mostly flake on me. I'm not looking for someone who necessarily shares my interests, I'm looking for someone decent who shares my values.
My best advice is to be interested in the woman. Ask her questions. Meaningful questions. Be sincere. Not like an interview, but let her know that you're interested in her.

If she's reading a book, ask her about it. If she says it's for school, ask her about school, ask her what she hopes to do with that degree. If she's walking a dog, ask her about the breed. If it's a mutt, ask if she rescued it? Is it the first dog she rescued?

Etc., etc. it takes practice. But be interested, and you don't have to be so interesting. The best conversationalists usually just listen.
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Old 10-24-2015, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
28,226 posts, read 36,883,248 times
Reputation: 28563
I'm going to quote Miguel here:


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EWO_jl26MK4

What's normal anyway?
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