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Just curious...for men who have ever been divorced when did you realize that you had married the wrong woman? And why did you think she was "The One" when you got married.
I guess this could be a question for women too, and I think I can speak for my ex too. There was never a sense that we married the "wrong" people. Our marriage wasn't a failure, it was 20 years long and mostly happy, with great kids and major accomplishments and personal growth and fun times.
But here's the thing. People change between age 20 and 40. And when people hit middle age, priorities and needs often shift dramatically. People who were compatible become incompatible.
If you are lucky you grow in the same direction; if you are unlucky, you do not.
I guess this could be a question for women too, and I think I can speak for my ex too. There was never a sense that we married the "wrong" people. Our marriage wasn't a failure, it was 20 years long and mostly happy, with great kids and major accomplishments and personal growth and fun times.
But here's the thing. People change between age 20 and 40. And when people hit middle age, priorities and needs often shift dramatically. People who were compatible become incompatible.
If you are lucky you grow in the same direction; if you are unlucky, you do not.
It's what worries me most about marriage. I may end up meeting the right person after making sure of it, but who knows if she'll be the right person 20 or so years from now.
It's what worries me most about marriage. I may end up meeting the right person after making sure of it, but who knows if she'll be the right person 20 or so years from now.
Well...you don't. But IMO it is better to take a chance of having many years of happiness that you can build on and grow in, becoming a better person--rather than being lonely, fearful and stagnant and wondering who you could have been as a spouse, parent, grandparent...
I guess this could be a question for women too, and I think I can speak for my ex too. There was never a sense that we married the "wrong" people. Our marriage wasn't a failure, it was 20 years long and mostly happy, with great kids and major accomplishments and personal growth and fun times.
But here's the thing. People change between age 20 and 40. And when people hit middle age, priorities and needs often shift dramatically. People who were compatible become incompatible.
If you are lucky you grow in the same direction; if you are unlucky, you do not.
Its true that people do often grow apart as they age. But what about those who know 6 months, 1 or 2 years in that they married the wrong person.
It's what worries me most about marriage. I may end up meeting the right person after making sure of it, but who knows if she'll be the right person 20 or so years from now.
Which is precisely why the most prudent decision is to not marry.
We were at about year 14. Mostly good times, but an 18 month long spell of bad times.
She came home from work one day and saw the dog; her face absolutely lit up with joy and happiness. Then she turned to look at me and her whole demeanor changed.
About a week later she wouldn't reciprocate "I love you."
Its true that people do often grow apart as they age. But what about those who know 6 months, 1 or 2 years in that they married the wrong person.
Suck it up!!
Honeymoon stage should still be in the air.
I would say to work at it. They can't be THAT wrong if you married them.
Imagine setting sail for a six months journey at sea with your new bride.
You have barely left the harbor and already she ticked you off for eating something out of the cooler already. Seriously? The marriage hasn't even hit any severe storms yet!
I guess this could be a question for women too, and I think I can speak for my ex too. There was never a sense that we married the "wrong" people. Our marriage wasn't a failure, it was 20 years long and mostly happy, with great kids and major accomplishments and personal growth and fun times.
But here's the thing. People change between age 20 and 40. And when people hit middle age, priorities and needs often shift dramatically. People who were compatible become incompatible.
If you are lucky you grow in the same direction; if you are unlucky, you do not.
I would say to work at it. They can't be THAT wrong if you married them.
Imagine setting sail for a six months journey at sea with your new bride.
You have barely left the harbor and already she ticked you off for eating something out of the cooler already. Seriously? The marriage hasn't even hit any severe storms yet!
Yes, they can be. It's different for each scenario. My ex revealed his true self less than 6 months after we got married. I went to bed in tears with my heart knowing that I didn't love him anymore after what happened. Instead of leaving him, I tried rebuilding that love again for the next 12 years, but in the end, I wasted my prime 12 years. Very cliche, but really listen to your heart and that inner voice. The heart really does know what it wants, but I kept diverting it. Now I know--once someone hurts me like that and I stop loving someone, it can never be rebuilt again. Never.
I finally divorced him when I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him, sex started to feel like rape, he treated our son like he wasn't his son at all, and I just grew so much hatred for him that it was making me very bitter. I just had to get out before I collapsed.
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