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We all have preferences in dating. Some people simply don't find certain things attractive and refuse to date said person as a result. I don't see any wrong with that. When it comes to attraction and dating.... we are all judgmental. It is normal human behavior.
What I do believe is wrong is looking down on people as a result of those personal biases.
So I think it is ok to say "I won't date a guy who has been with hookers."
I DO NOT think it is ok to public shame the guy for having been with hookers.
...
I don't find superficial women attractive at all and refuse to date them. However, I won't dismiss them as a person because they are superficial.
What qualifies as public shaming? I've never even talked to a man that I've known has been to a hooker. Does saying on CD that I find it distasteful qualify as public shaming? If people in my social circle frequent hookers, it's definitely not talked about.
What qualifies as public shaming? I've never even talked to a man that I've known has been to a hooker. Does saying on CD that I find it distasteful qualify as public shaming? If people in my social circle frequent hookers, it's definitely not talked about.
Perhaps "public shaming" isn't the best term.... although we as a society tend to do so.
We certainly publicly shame political figures caught with a prostitute.
I'm referring to the attitudes and and biases people leverage against people that have admitted to being with a hooker. Here ion CD for example, people will generally look down on other posters who talk about it. We insinuate that they are losers who cannot get a woman through "normal" channels. I am recalling a thread about an adult male who wanted to loose his virginity to an escort as just one example.
You would be surprise how many men visit prostitutes and I bet their circle of friends would never know (unless caught and publicly shamed in the local newspaper). Why? Well.. you already know the answer... it is behavior subject to shame which is the whole point of this thread.
We certainly publicly shame political figures caught with a prostitute.
I'm referring to the attitudes and and biases people leverage against people that have admitted to being with a hooker. Here ion CD for example, people will generally look down on other posters who talk about it. We insinuate that they are losers who cannot get a woman through "normal" channels. I am recalling a thread about an adult male who wanted to loose his virginity to an escort as just one example.
You would be surprise how many men visit prostitutes and I bet their circle of friends would never know (unless caught and publicly shamed in the local newspaper). Why? Well.. you already know the answer... it is behavior subject to shame which is the whole point of this thread.
Well, the reason that political figures are shamed is because it's illegal. And they are not supposed to break the law. None of us are.
As for the photos turning up - well, I think that's going overboard.
As for people on CD looking down on other posters as losers that cannot get a woman through normal channels - well, isn't what they are saying that they themselves are? This thread - for instance - was started by a man that blames women because he can't get them to sleep with him. He is himself saying that he can't get women through normal channels. If he didn't want to hear from people that find it repulsive - he probably shouldn't have posted it here.
I know that a bunch of you always try to convince us that most men see hookers. I just don't buy it. I mean - you can believe that if you want to but I'm just not buying it. It may be true among certain social circles and it may be more common in certain regions but I just don't buy it among my social circle.
Like I said - you are free to view me as judgmental. This has never been a problem in any of my relationships. Do you believe that every single man in the world has been to a hooker and lies about it?
Well, I think most men outside of the US and perhaps Scandinavian countries has used some kind of sexual services at some point in their life. They probably have no need to lie about this as these services do not carry the same stigma as in the US. In some cultures, for example, it is normal for a young man to lose his virginity with a sex worker.
I think in this topic we are primarily talking about poor US men. I don't know what percentage of US men has paid for sex at least once in their life. I can only offer an unscientific opinion based on anecdotal evidence and on the experience of guys I know. I think more than 50 % of US men that live in medium/big cities paid for sex at some point in their lives when they were desperate and were not dating anyone. And I believe close to 100% of US men will never talk about this with US women given their toxic and hypocritical attitude about sexual services. And "going to a hooker" is just one type of sexual service. There are plenty of others...
I don't believe most men see hookers. I do see "a lot" of men visiting hookers. I'd even say that a larger majority of them are married. I do accept that what I see is not a good sample of the general population.
I also believe that some men do have difficulties competing in the dating pool. There is no denying it. It isn't their fault.. it is what it is. If they want to compensate a little with escorts, i see no problems with that. I do believe that blaming the dating pool is a bit over the top.... But I do understand that such notions can spawn from frustration over a long period of time.
It doesn't mean he is a repulsive or bad person.... just a person who is frustrated. Same with the poster who wanted to loose his virginity to an escort. Ultimately, he went through with it and he was happy which is all that counts. I certainly don't believe some of the responses towards that particular poster was warranted.
Well, I think most men outside of the US and perhaps Scandinavian countries has used some kind of sexual services at some point in their life. They probably have no need to lie about this as these services do not carry the same stigma as in the US. In some cultures, for example, it is normal for a young man to lose his virginity with a sex worker.
I think in this topic we are primarily talking about poor US men. I don't know what percentage of US men has paid for sex at least once in their life. I can only offer an unscientific opinion based on anecdotal evidence and on the experience of guys I know. I think more than 50 % of US men that live in medium/big cities paid for sex at some point in their lives when they were desperate and were not dating anyone. And I believe close to 100% of US men will never talk about this with US women given their toxic and hypocritical attitude about sexual services. And "going to a hooker" is just one type of sexual service. There are plenty of others...
Like I said, you guys are free to believe anything you want. My distaste for men seeing hookers has never been an issue in any of my relationships. And I trust the men I've loved far more strangers on the internet.
I know that a bunch of you always try to convince us that most men see hookers. I just don't buy it. I mean - you can believe that if you want to but I'm just not buying it. It may be true among certain social circles and it may be more common in certain regions but I just don't buy it among my social circle.
How would you know for sure? Men are not going to tell anyone about this. And again, "seeing hookers" is just using one type of sexual service, the most dangerous in the US. There are plenty of others. And if you really live in Westchester, very close to NYC I bet plenty of men in your social circle use sexual services.
How would you know for sure? Men are not going to tell anyone about this. And again, "seeing hookers" is just using one type of sexual service, the most dangerous in the US. There are plenty of others. And if you really live in Westchester, very close to NYC I bet plenty of men in your social circle use sexual services.
Like I said - you can believe what you want. I'm just not buying it. But you can keep trying if you want to. I'm not sure why though...
I know that a bunch of you always try to convince us that most men see hookers. I just don't buy it. I mean - you can believe that if you want to but I'm just not buying it. It may be true among certain social circles and it may be more common in certain regions but I just don't buy it among my social circle.
I don't see too many people saying "most" men visit prostitutes (though I'm sure it's been said), rather that MANY more men see them than is let on. Or, put another way:
"Most men visit prostitutes" = probably false.
"No men I know have visited prostitutes" = also probably false.
Regarding shaming: The whole point of shaming is to a) make the object of shame feel badly about themselves and b) to make the shamER feel better about themselves. So you see it constantly, with both genders, about a variety of topics:
"XYZ has to visit prostitutes to get laid". Take that, person XYZ! I am more attractive to the opposite sex than you because I don't have to engage in such behavior in order for someone to sleep with me!
"ABC is a ****". Take that, person ABC! My morals are superior to yours because you choose to engage in sexual activity with more partners than is deemed socially acceptable!
"I was raised in a household where men/women were taught to do blah blah blah" (in this case, the behavior being quoted is being conveyed as morally superior as well).
And so on. It's subjective, of course (as is always the case when it comes to people's feelings).
The line gets fuzzier, the more polite people are about it, but if it achieves the objectives in a) and/or b), it could very well be shaming. Some people are just more passive-aggressive about it (I'm not suggesting you are, but simply that that's why certain statements, no matter how dismissively "unrelated" can be construed as shaming). Even expressing personal opinions in a public forum can be viewed as shaming in that light.
Edit: to clarify, I haven't read the thread. Just playing a little devil's advocate based on what I read on the last page.
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