Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Don't know if that is what this thread is about but I find this attitude a lot here on CD. One regular poster on the Relationships forum has regarded reserved introverts as people who are always plotting something. Damn it, just because I'm quiet and reserved does not mean I'm plotting an Elliot Rodger attack.
Don't know if that is what this thread is about but I find this attitude a lot here on CD. One regular poster on the Relationships forum has regarded reserved introverts as people who are always plotting something. Damn it, just because I'm quiet and reserved does not mean I'm plotting an Elliot Rodger attack.
Since the thread is derailed, I'll add that yrs ago, I lived in the Santa Barbara area and Isla Vista, the area where the shootings took place, is basically student housing for UC Santa Barbara, I was doing a lot of work at UCSB back in the day and spent a lot of time in Isla Vista, the exact streets and areas where the nightmare took place... horrific stuff, creepy as hell to see pics of the scenes knowing I've been in those exact spots many many times... chilling stuff.
Then you missed my post. The standard advice for shy people is to join groups, clubs, activities where people can get to know them over time, friendships and/or attraction can slowly, and organically grow. It's not rocket science. It seems that the OP has never tried this. Now he has something to work on, a direction to move into and test the waters. This works very well for a lot of people, but it takes patience.
Good luck and best wishes to the OP.
Yes, I think I may have acknowledged that post too if I'm not mistaken. Thank you for your kindness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
I'm still not sure what the OP expects? What are the women you come in contact with throughout any given day supposed to do?
Somehow I don't think he is talking about a 70 year old granny type coming up and giving him a hug because he is shy.
I just think that society (and dating itself) might function a lot better if women didn't knock guys for lacking confidence when many of them seem to lack confidence in the same way.
I just think that society (and dating itself) might function a lot better if women didn't knock guys for lacking confidence when many of them seem to lack confidence in the same way.
I don't see where this happens, ever. I really don't. I just don't see where shyness, alone, is going to be the one single reason a gal rejects you. Really doesn't make much sense.
I just think that society (and dating itself) might function a lot better if women didn't knock guys for lacking confidence when many of them seem to lack confidence in the same way.
You haven't really given any examples of this. You have just talked about women rejecting you and the reasons YOU think they have rejected you. But you haven't given any examples of women knocking guys for lacking confidence. Not being attracted to someone isn't knocking them.
You haven't really given any examples of this. You have just talked about women rejecting you and the reasons YOU think they have rejected you. But you haven't given any examples of women knocking guys for lacking confidence. Not being attracted to someone isn't knocking them.
Well, a lot of dating books, videos, etc. suggest that a man needs to "just be confident" and so I imagine that a lack of confidence is considered a death nail in the eyes of many women.
I get what you're saying, I really do, but if someone had said those things about an extroverted outgoing person, that they were "incompetent, lazy, boring, unambitious, insecure" I"d say the same thing, that it was rude and uncalled for.
What is it with people not giving a god damn inch in the world when it comes to discussions, couldn't someone simply say' "yeah, it was rude and bit harsh" and then proceed to provide their arguments.
I've been seeing it so much on CD lately, It's called being intellectually dishonest....
I've run my mouth off here and said stuff that was out of line, someone called me on and I look at it and think, "yeah, there's some merit to that" and I proceed to give credit or take blame when necessary.
One time I did that and someone about keeled over with shock that I owned up to something rude or not factual. It's a sad world we live in when someone is shocked that someone else can actually take some criticism or another point of view on a subject and simply say, yeah.. I have my facts wrong, or was rude.
I'm not hostile toward you or chessiemom's cause you guys are good long time posters, I'm just talking in general, people get so attached to their opinions that they can'tconcede not even one inch....
Hard to have an open honest discussion.
Post 141, the last line is JUST RUDE. You switch it up to someone who's like I said an extrovert or talkative and I'd say that someone describing them as such was rude.
I have no personal investment here, I've done well in life and I don't care what others think about me, I'm merely pointing out incorrect and frankly rude as hell comments.
You have a lot of nerve lecturing me about rudeness. You have no right, considering that you've posted your fair share of rude comments in the past, some of which were were directed at me and/or my personal views. I'm sure you are unaware because I don't typically call people out, I ignore. But I also don't show respect to people who don't show respect to me.
As for post 141 that you are fixated on like a pitbull on a kitten; it wasn't about you or directed towards anyone. I hadn't read through the thread, only the OP and his question of "Why?". In hindsight, I wish I had read through the thread first, and chosen my words more carefully. I could have used the word "fearful" instead of "cowardly", for example. I don't enjoy hurting people. But I didn't, I was typing quickly and treating it like a free word association exercise. For you to say that I'm accusing shy people of being on the same moral level as "thieves or worse" is completely asinine. You've exaggerated and vilified my post for the purpose of? You like to throw gasoline on fires, just for entertainment.
And here you are, acting like you are Matahama Gandhi, preaching to me about respect from one side of your mouth, while implying that I deserve to be beaten, out of the other side of your mouth. What a joke. And all because I used some negative adjectives like "insecure" and "boring" to describe a trait that most of us agree is, in fact, a negative trait. Practice what you preach, brother.
Well, a lot of dating books, videos, etc. suggest that a man needs to "just be confident" and so I imagine that a lack of confidence is considered a death nail in the eyes of many women.
So this thread is based on what you imagine? And it's about confidence - and not shyness? And it's not really about compassion but about rejection? Am I getting this right?
That goes beyond shy and into the realm of an emotional disorder. I have to wonder how many of the socially impaired people on this thread have made serious attempts to change? How have you worked at it?
In my life I have come to points where I really had to evaluate my life and state of mind. Breakups, job loss, moving, death. It was a conscious struggle to force myself through the change and into the next iteration of me.
It takes WORK. You may think you have it rough now but that's because it is your time to work on yourself. Others of us that had it 'easy' at your age were are also doomed to the upsets of life, and have to do the work, without excuses.
I was shy as hell. Still am but it isn't hindering shyness.
You have a lot of nerve lecturing me about rudeness. You have no right, considering that you've posted your fair share of rude comments in the past, some of which were were directed at me and/or my personal views. I'm sure you are unaware because I don't typically call people out, I ignore. But I also don't show respect to people who don't show respect to me.
As for post 141 that you are fixated on like a pitbull on a kitten; it wasn't about you or directed towards anyone. I hadn't read through the thread, only the OP and his question of "Why?". In hindsight, I wish I had read through the thread first, and chosen my words more carefully. I could have used the word "fearful" instead of "cowardly", for example. I don't enjoy hurting people. But I didn't, I was typing quickly and treating it like a free word association exercise. For you to say that I'm accusing shy people of being on the same moral level as "thieves or worse" is completely asinine. You've exaggerated and vilified my post for the purpose of? You like to throw gasoline on fires, just for entertainment.
And here you are, acting like you are Matahama Gandhi, preaching to me about respect from one side of your mouth, while implying that I deserve to be beaten, out of the other side of your mouth. What a joke. And all because I used some negative adjectives like "insecure" and "boring" to describe a trait that most of us agree is, in fact, a negative trait. Practice what you preach, brother.
Whatever...
What you said was rude and uncalled for and about 4 or 5 others have agreed.... plain and simple.. I even asked you if you had a rough day, giving you a chance to reconsider and yet, you didn't you made the most rudest and uncalled for remarks about shy people, things that I was completely aghast that you've said.....
Way way rude and to say otherwise is just silly... last sentence of your post in 141 was not called for.. yeah... I'm a pit bull... a pit bull for BS..... and I don't have any regret for it... if like I said a million times if someone had said those same things about anyone that wasn't a thief liar, child molester we wouldn't have this issue...
You said that stuff about someone that was shy... LOL.. can't you see how uncalled for that was???????????
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
