Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
At what point in a relationship do you start sharing your decision making with your partner about your private choices? I am not talking about decisions that affect the both of you but rather consulting your partner about decisions that affect only you privately.
For instance, say you want to redecorate your apartment, your partner is NOT living with you and assume you have been with him/her for around 5-6 months. You want to get a new couch, kitchen table and chairs. You have chosen something and like it, your partner says NO because he/she does NOT like it. In addition he/she says that buying new furniture is not required at this point... BUT you get the sense he/she is saying this only because they are envisioning how this purchase will fit into the future....assuming no talk has happened about moving in or anything of that sort. How would you react?
I like getting opinions, but I won't let anyone dictate what I do for myself or with my own money. This is especially true if I didn't ask for feedback.
definitely not over the top. My ex GF was incredibly upset that I went out and bought myself a 55 inch LED TV for my apartment without "asking" for her opinion or involving her in the decision making. It was 100% my money, 100% my apartment and I 100% lived there... none of those things mattered in her opinion. Her gripe was that I made a big decision without her and thereby was making a statement that her input was not important in my life.
The way it happened is that I had mentioned that I may be buying a new TV "soon", however one day when I was at Costco I saw a great deal that I liked and made the decision right there to pick it up, when she came over later she found out that I had a new TV and got upset.
definitely not over the top. My ex GF was incredibly upset that I went out and bought myself a 55 inch LED TV for my apartment without "asking" for her opinion or involving her in the decision making. It was 100% my money, 100% my apartment and I 100% lived there... none of those things mattered in her opinion. Her gripe was that I made a big decision without her and thereby was making a statement that her input was not important in my life.
The way it happened is that I had mentioned that I may be buying a new TV "soon", however one day when I was at Costco I saw a great deal that I liked and made the decision right there to pick it up, when she came over later she found out that I had a new TV and got upset.
Again, presumptuous.
Stuff can always be sold or donated. If someone you are only dating puts THAT much importance on a decision like that, they are too high-maintenance and you will never please them.
Stuff can always be sold or donated. If someone you are only dating puts THAT much importance on a decision like that, they are too high-maintenance and you will never please them.
hmm...my current GF is the same way. I actually want to buy a new couch as my current one is beat. However, she is steering me away from it (hence the original thread has some relevance to my personal situation . She claims that I don't need one because IF I buy a house then it may not match up. The couch I am planning to buy is cheap - $550 or so cloth sectional from a warehouse.. it's inexpensive but looks decent enough, I did not think it should be such a big deal. As you said, if it does not work with my next home a year or two down the road i'll just donate it.
Houses here in SoCal are close to million dollars, I don't envision buying one anytime soon unless I am married to someone and buy jointly...and no way I am buying a home with someone joint without marrying them first, too many things can go wrong with that.
hmm...my current GF is the same way. I actually want to buy a new couch as my current one is beat. However, she is steering me away from it (hence the original thread has some relevance to my personal situation .
Maybe something is wrong with your picker.
I have never known a woman to give two flips about her bf buying furniture for his apartment. Maybe if they were actually engaged and soon to be living together she might not be happy if he picked out the furniture alone for their new home.
At what point in a relationship do you start sharing your decision making with your partner about your private choices? I am not talking about decisions that affect the both of you but rather consulting your partner about decisions that affect only you privately.
For instance, say you want to redecorate your apartment, your partner is NOT living with you and assume you have been with him/her for around 5-6 months. You want to get a new couch, kitchen table and chairs. You have chosen something and like it, your partner says NO because he/she does NOT like it. In addition he/she says that buying new furniture is not required at this point... BUT you get the sense he/she is saying this only because they are envisioning how this purchase will fit into the future....assuming no talk has happened about moving in or anything of that sort. How would you react?
Well, I am different as most posters. I wouldn't make a HUGe deal out of your purchase, but I would be a little upset, too.
If I am very close with somebody after 5-6 months, I am already thinking of moving together within the next year. Therefore, if you are buying new furniture without taking that into consideration, that shows me that you are selfish and also not convinced that we, as a couple, have a future. I don't want to sit on your new couch that I might not like and maybe I do have an awesome couch already that we would sit on if we move together. No need to buy more furniture or without my input if we combine households.
I don't get the fuss about a new tv though.
My bf is buying a $50k truck right now and i am upset about it even though he has the cash to do so. We were talking about buying a house within the next 2 years and $50k might be what makes the difference of a great and not so great house.
Did you and your gf talk about moving in together?
I bought my house when I was single before dating my husband. But he was a fiend and he did help me select my bed. I didn't have any intention about dating him. Consider it's another person to consult and that's it.
Likewise, some men might view a grown woman eating dinner on a card table with folding chairs as "lying in wait" for a sugar daddy.
I think adults should buy the stuff they like and need. If a relationship is built on unspoken, unwritten rules about furniture, we're in trouble.
I agree especially with the bolded part. I am a woman and I would not have given my negative opinion to your purchase. If I was hoping for a future where we lived together, I would have simply brought that up on my own time.
Your women sound immature.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. She claims that I don't need one because IF I buy a house then it may not match up. The couch I am planning to buy is cheap - $550 or so cloth sectional from a warehouse.. it's inexpensive but looks decent enough, I did not think it should be such a big deal. As you said, if it does not work with my next home a year or two down the road i'll just donate it.
