Anyone change their mind about not having children? (date, how to, married)

[southkakkatlantan]

I've never felt a strong 'desire' in life to have kids. I always felt like it would be 'ok' if I had them but I've never felt that 'draw' to become a mother. And I don't necessarily connect with children when around them.

Recently I started conversing with a man over the past few weeks but we haven't met yet. We've both been very very busy and I've got a good bit of travel going on right now, but we plan to meet soon. The conversation about children just came up and I told him I didn't think I wanted kids. We talked about this in depth and I began to wonder to myself if I'm making a mistake by not having them.

I'm soon to be 37 and feel like if I wanted children I would have had them by now. One strange side note is that the last man I fell in love with a few years ago...I would have had a child by him. I wonder if deep down I do want them but I'm just afraid? Afraid of not knowing how to be a good mother. Afraid of being ''tied down" once having them. Afraid since once you have kids, they become #1 and I have dreams/aspirations I think will all 'go to the back burner' so to speak after having children...and eventually disappear. Afraid of the risks of having a less healthy child because of my age by the time I had one if I chose to do so. Afraid since the divorce rate is so high that I will eventually end up a single mother as I was raised by a single mother.

I actually have considered not talking to this man anymore because I am thinking to myself....what's the point? We don't see eye to eye on a deal breaker issue...why continue talking and why meet?

Anyways, sorry for the rambling. It's strange I don't seem to even know if I really want children or not....at this age I should know. Or at least decide so I'm not confusing or misleading anyone I date at this point. So anyways...I'm curious to know if anyone here ever changed their mind about not having children to having them? If so, why?

[Katiethegreat]

I was never baby minded,but my gosh do I now love babies,nothing could be as sweet as having a little son.

[reneeh63]

No.....I never have and now I'm in my 50's and I'm fine with it. Don't have kids 'just in case' - think of everyone you're hurting if you are wrong! It's like getting married out of desperation because all your friends are, but a million times worse.

[49ersfan27]

I'm 26 and don't ever want to be a dad and that won't ever change.

[ItsRick24]

I'm too old to be a dad again!

[gumisgood]

oh, i've always said i wanted 12 children...after watching cheaper by the dozen as a kid. i was like, i'm having 12 children for sure.

as it stands, i'm 26 and at 0. i need to get to work.

i will compromise in that she'll have 6, and then we can adopt the other 6. it's actually a deal breaker..if she won't have 6 children by me. i mean, i've already compromised..i wanted 12! no, i haven't changed my mind about that..

[Matadora]

I knew at the age of 17 or 18 that I never wanted to have children. I have been very thankful each and every year since then, that I am child free.

I enjoy my free from attachment life.

I have no regrets at all.

I have a super duper wonderful nephew and that is good enough for me.

[1xolisiwe]

I always wanted to have 2 kids coz I have an older sibling. I've since changed this to 1 child coz I get the parenting experience without stressing over finances.

[goodmockingbird]

No. And I was of fertile age back when societal pressure to reproduce was almost overwhelming.

I always "knew" I never wanted children, the same way people "know" they are right or left handed.

Now, long past menopause, I am infinitely grateful that I stood my ground and did not succumb to the pressures.

[Basiliximab]

Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan

I'm curious to know if anyone here ever changed their mind about not having children to having them? If so, why?

When I was younger I was set on not having children, was paranoid about accidentally getting pregnant. One of the reasons may have been that I was not comfortable with my body, yet I also really did not have any desire to have them and raise them either. A few years ago I was given the gift of being comfortable with my body and now I would love to have a family, yet I still do not think that I will. I still have my student loans to pay off (which should be just about done in not two years, if things proceed in the same fashion; I'm 35), but my fiancé's financial situation is not good and if we had children, I will have to work full-time and I do not want to do that. I want to stay at home and raise my children if I have any.

So, it looks like I won't be having any children, of course unless an accident happens. Now at the thought of never having any children I get sad sometimes instead of ecstatic at that thought when I was younger. If things were in a perfect situation with my fiancé and I (we were younger, especially him, and did not have any financial concerns), I'd really be sad; but, with the way things are it would be best from our perspective if we did not have any children.