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English is not my first language so... Sorry for the mistakes.
I signed up for an online dating website. Before I close my account a man asked for my skype so we could continue chatting. After two weeks of texting I suggested make a video call to see each other (and to see if was texting with the man I thought I was)
After 4 months of texting and video calls, he asked if I could go to his country and visit him( since I have been there before). I told him I was not. Now (a month after that) he says he wants to come here and visit me for 5 days.
I closed my account on the dating site because I was skeptical about it.
I'm on my 20s and he is on his 30s. He looks like a nice man and I'm not sure why he is coming all the way here? I asked him about it and he said he wants to meet the "gorgeous " girl he thinks I am. I'm a bit paranoid lol I google his name and I confirmed he is the person who claims he is. I told him I was not going to have sex with him (I have never done it before) and I told him I was a simple college student.
He looks like a nice man and I found him attractive, I want to see him in person but I'm not sure why he wants to fly to another country to meet a girl? I have been cautious about him but I would like to hear others opinions or experiences about this online thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
This is such an interesting post! There was a guy in England who posted here a couple of weeks ago that he met a college student in another country who seemed very nice (and attractive), and I don't remember, but I think he said they Skyped. And he wants to fly to her city for a week, pretending to be a tourist, but it's really to see her.
Here's the thing, Ma. Some men are very lonely. They can misunderstand politeness and willingness to exchange emails as personal interest. This isn't your fault, it's their mind playing tricks on them, because they're lonely.
It's good to be cautious. Bring a friend with you when you meet him. Tell your friends and parents (if they live in the same city) where you're going and when. The thing about online dating is that you never know about people. And crimes do happen. So, just take precautions, stay in well-lit public places with him, and see if you have any interest in him once you meet him.
ruth is on the money for the most part. OP it could be as simple as the guy just wants to meet you in person, and has the wherewithal to make it happen. it could also be that he is a stuck up rich guy who thinks that women should fall to their knees every time he feigns interest in them, and all he wants is a booty call.
so you are wise to be skeptical and on guard in this situation. just dont be so skeptical that you pass on something that could be a good deal.
Also, which countries are we talking about here? How big is the distance? Because you know, within Europe plane tickets can be pretty cheap and certainly none are upwards of $1000.
Several years ago in another forum, a man who posted there decided he was in love with me and wanted to fly to my state to meet me. I explained to him he only thought he was in love, but he begged me to agree for him to visit. Finally I agreed to drive to the city where my son and daughter reside and he arrived for a four day stay. It was the longest 4 days of my life.
He stayed in a motel and I stayed with my son. I knew when he walked off the plane I'd made a mistake. His shirt was a size too small. He was very critical of the state where I live, even the topography was not up to par compared to where he lived. He hadn't mentioned being hard of hearing, so I began to think he was mentally challenged. Sex was never considered. We didn't even kiss. When I drove him to the airport on the fourth day, I burst out crying. He actually thought it was because he was leaving, but it was the opposite. My daughter and her husband helped me entertain him and for that I was grateful.
Your visitor wants to stay five days, which could be an eternity!
Thanks to all who took the time to reply.
OK. We decided to give it a shot. He is coming next week. I'm still unsure about it but I wanna see him in person cause he looks like a nice man. Had many questions about him but I guess I'm going to find the answers. Came back here because I want you guys to have more knowledge of the situation and advice me or give me more recommendations.
-We have a 10 year age gap
-He has a career, stable job, house... (That's what he said, still don't know lol) and I'm pursuing my undergraduate degree, don't have a house, live with roommate, etcetera. I told him all that.
-We text every day and skype once a week.
-We talk about random things or just about our days, none of us have an exciting life
-We still hanging out with other people, we agreed to have our options open to see if we meet a special person in our countries(was my idea)
Yup, guess that's all. Thanks in advance
Thanks to all who took the time to reply.
OK. We decided to give it a shot. He is coming next week. I'm still unsure about it but I wanna see him in person cause he looks like a nice man. Had many questions about him but I guess I'm going to find the answers. Came back here because I want you guys to have more knowledge of the situation and advice me or give me more recommendations.
-We have a 10 year age gap
-He has a career, stable job, house... (That's what he said, still don't know lol) and I'm pursuing my undergraduate degree, don't have a house, live with roommate, etcetera. I told him all that.
-We text every day and skype once a week.
-We talk about random things or just about our days, none of us have an exciting life
-We still hanging out with other people, we agreed to have our options open to see if we meet a special person in our countries(was my idea)
Yup, guess that's all. Thanks in advance
Hope you have a great time meeting him. Just approach it as another date with a person you don't know well and see what happens. Don't assume either that he is knight with a shining armor coming to sweep you off your feet or a mass murderer.
Definitely meet in the public and do not give out any personal contact information other then your cell phone before the first date. Or better yet, if you have a decent smart phone, install Google Voice or Skype so that you don't even give out your cell phone #.
And just remember that you have no obligations to this guy even though he traveled to see you. You don't have to entertain him unless you want to.
I'd have no issue with you meeting him, though long distance relationships are a crapshoot at best. You will know pretty quickly if you feel chemistry with him, but even if you do make sure he stays in a hotel and only go out with him in public places. If you feel you want to continue seeing him after the 5 days then go from there.
Of course he is hoping for sex, no guy travels to a different country hoping to make friends. If he pushes you for sex and you are uncomfortable that is a red flag to tell you he is not for you. Sounds obvious but many women seem to make this mistake.
So, it begins with a meeting at, maybe Starbucks, for a coffee. Nothing more. No fancy dinner, etc.
He is staying somewhere, NOT at your place, correct?
IF the meeting goes well, perhaps you could join him for lunch the following day. IF it doesn't go well, he can enjoy his five day stay in your city and you forget him.
If the lunch goes well, perhaps you will spend a day with him showing him your city and getting to know one another.
He doesn't assume you are going to spend five days with/entertaining him, right?
Take it slow. Be careful. This could be fine, but it is earmarked with danger/bizarre/red flags. Question everything. Don't be snowed because he spends a couple bucks coming to "see you".
It could be a wonderful story. I also could end disastrously. Or worse. BE CAREFUL. YOU are in charge of yourself, and your body. NOT HIM.
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Man flying to another country to meet me
