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I'm just tying to get through this day today. I'm all alone in a city I dislike immensely (Oklahoma City). I'm estranged from my Mother, who is a narcissist, and my brother and I aren't close, though I adore my Niece. This is my 4th Christmas here alone and the 7th year since my divorce. All I ever wanted was a family of my own and now it just seems so out of reach. I have absolutely nobody. I don't want next year to look like this. At this point, the way I see it is I have only a few options to be able to meet someone to settle down with:
1. Move back to Atlanta (I'm working hard at this and have an interview next month) or another major city back East.
2. Hire a service to find me a wife (either mail order and go to Colombia, EHarmony personal matchmaking, etc).
3. Pay for an expensive "bootcamp" for men where they get to the bottom of whatever issue there is in approaching women (confidence, fear of rejection, etc) and force you into those situations. However, I think I'm too old to do this.
It sucks that these are my options, but it appears this is it. Hopefully, I get out of here next year, but I can't count on that alone. I have to make a decision on which of the other options to do and how much money I'm willing to spend on it so 2016 doesn't look like the last 7 years.
OP, that's great that you have some chance of getting out of OK, but moving to Atlanta won't solve the whole problem. Because once you move there, you'll still have to open up and talk to women, approach women. I don't think you should write off the bootcamp idea just because you're in your 40's. So are a lot of other guys in your position. If you're single, reserved, and want to get past that so you can date, then you could benefit from the bootcamp, no matter what your age. Also, I imagine that there would be a very supportive atmosphere at a program like that, from all the other guys struggling with the same issue. You might find that very helpful. I'm impressed that you researched and found that, actually. You could do a thread on it and report to other C-D shy guys, after you complete it.
There are many people a lot worse off than you are. People who are very sick and/or dying, people who are separate from their loved ones because they are in a war zone defending their country, homeless people with no home or food or anything that we all take for granted every day, and many others.
You may be alone but it's a lot better than any of the above scenes I mentioned. Besides which, relationships are not the end all be all of human existence. It's not a requirement in life like food, shelter and water.
You have a job, you have a warm home to live in and you have food on your table. You're already way better off than many others. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do some volunteer work today at a soup kitchen. It will really make you appreciate what you take for granted on a daily basis.
OP, that's great that you have some chance of getting out of OK, but moving to Atlanta won't solve the whole problem. Because once you move there, you'll still have to open up and talk to women, approach women. I don't think you should write off the bootcamp idea just because you're in your 40's. So are a lot of other guys in your position. If you're single, reserved, and want to get past that so you can date, then you could benefit from the bootcamp, no matter what your age. Also, I imagine that there would be a very supportive atmosphere at a program like that, from all the other guys struggling with the same issue. You might find that very helpful. I'm impressed that you researched and found that, actually. You could do a thread on it and report to other C-D shy guys, after you complete it.
Yeah Ruth, I have done a lot of research. There's a less expensive option where this guy's brother comes to my city for a weekend to do the same thing. Might be a better, more economical idea. Regarding Atlanta, I understand what you're saying, BUT I have a lot of friends there and there would be a lot of opportunities to just casually meet women through mutual friends. I've always been shy to approach women, but I never had these issues in my 20's and 30's. My 40's have been a different story due to divorce, unemployment, and now living in this place. I know very few people here and all are married, as are their friends, and therefore having to force myself to do those things I never had to before. I know it would be valuable to learn those skills though. I really need them where I live now. In Atlanta, still valuable, but at least I'd have a lot of friends looking out for me and making introductions.
Moving is probably not going to solve your problems. Your problem is you, not Oklahoma City.
However, if you are hellbent on moving, Atlanta is probably your best choice because at least you have some history there and on Day 1 there you'd have friends. Really hard to start in a new city at your age.
I'm not sure a bootcamp is the issue, but you might need some psychologist/psychiatrist visits, wherever you decide to live. You could have some unresolved issues from your divorce.
Moving is probably not going to solve your problems. Your problem is you, not Oklahoma City.
However, if you are hellbent on moving, Atlanta is probably your best choice because at least you have some history there and on Day 1 there you'd have friends. Really hard to start in a new city at your age.
I'm not sure a bootcamp is the issue, but you might need some psychologist/psychiatrist visits, wherever you decide to live. You could have some unresolved issues from your divorce.
You have some positives to build on.
You and others have said the same thing. I'm not going to say it will solve all of my problems, but some pretty big ones. And yes, I go to therapy regularly. I've resolved the majority of the issues from my divorce. There are a couple of things left to work on, which i am. I am doing something. I don't just sit around and complain. I've done a lot of things to stretch myself such as improv classes, Salsa classes, etc. I also workout regularly. I read a lot of self improvement books and try to apply them. I'm not standing still over here, and yet, I also feel like I'm going in circles.
Relocating won't fix the problem. Stop blaming location. The problem is between your ears. It is a mindset issue. Moping and self loathing and the continual pity party is not attractive. When you take responsibility for your plight, then you can grow and learn.
You and others have said the same thing. I'm not going to say it will solve all of my problems, but some pretty big ones. And yes, I go to therapy regularly. I've resolved the majority of the issues from my divorce. There are a couple of things left to work on, which i am. I am doing something. I don't just sit around and complain. I've done a lot of things to stretch myself such as improv classes, Salsa classes, etc. I also workout regularly. I read a lot of self improvement books and try to apply them. I'm not standing still over here, and yet, I also feel like I'm going in circles.
You may not be sitting around, but you sure do a lot of complaining. About the same things over and over.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I disagree that there is no reason to leave Oklahoma City. Trust me, from people I know there everyone is married by 30 and it is super family oriented. Moving to Atlanta won't solve OP's full problem but OKC is hell if you aren't married. It is probably the one place that would have been worse than Louisville for me.
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