Can't read him, is he interested? (dating, girlfriend, women, lover)

[bebe182]

Ok so I thought this crush I've had on a guy I work with would go away but it hasn't and just seems to be getting worse (could be because we've been spending so much time together lately). In the past 2 weeks we've been to two happy hours one of which it was just me him and another female co-worker, and we all went out this past Saturday.

A bit of a background, he's an avid pizza lover and me and him live in the same city but we work in a different city. Anyway for a long time I've been telling him to try a pizza place by me (I was telling him this long before I developed a crush on him) which has amazing pizza. He always used to say it's far for him (he lives about 20 min away from me). Anyway about a month and a half ago i asked if he'd ever made it to the pizza place and he said no he was waiting for me to take him. So I said something like "oh I have to take you"? And he said "well I'll pay and you come with me" and I said "ok I'll hold you to it" but I never mentioned it again and neither did he....up until this past Friday. We had all made plans to go out this past Saturday and the plan was that I would pick him up since he was on my way. So Friday I told him to give me his number so I can text him to let him know what time I'll pick him up. He gave me his number and said "so now you have my number and you have to take me to that pizza place" so I said ok and that was it.

Saturday night I picked him up and he seemed really nervous when he got in my car (which was weird cause he's always so calm and collected). But after about 10 minutes he was his normal self again, and we were just chatting the whole way like we always do.

On the way back I was a bit tired so he offered to drive and I let him. When we got in the car (it was 2am), he asked me what I was doing next, so I asked him what he meant and he said "aren't you calling anyone when you get home"? And I said "you mean like a booty call"? And he said yes. I said no, I'm going to bed and I don't do that kind of stuff anyway. Let me just say we're pretty close so it's not like a stranger was asking me this sort of inappropriate questions, we both have pretty deep discussions with each other so it kind of feels like nothing is off limits. So then he kept asking if I was ok to drive home once he got dropped off, and I said yea I'm fine, but he asked like 4 times so on the fourth time I jokingly said "no I'm staying at your house" and he said "that's fine, I'll just sleep in the living room".

Anyway, I'm finding it hard to read him I don't know if he's interested in me or just views me as a friend. Also with the pizza place do I bring it up or just wait him for him to say something about it again? I feel like he has my number now so he can easily just text me and ask me to go if he really wants to.

I know it's a bad idea to date a co-worker so I'd prefer it if we could refrain from those comments, as I've heard them all before and am on the way to leaving this department soon anyway.

[SomeGuyInFairfax]

He absolutely, definitely likes you but is too nervous to make a bold move.

He concurrently probed your relationship status (negative) and your immediate level of sexual activity (none). Asking whether you were "OK to drive" is just a roundabout way of asking/hoping you would stay over at his place -- in which case he would claim to sleep in the living room, fully aware that his goal was for you to end up in bed together.

No mysteries here. He may simply be as apprehensive about dating a coworker as you are.

Originally Posted by bebe182

Ok so I thought this crush I've had on a guy I work with would go away but it hasn't and just seems to be getting worse (could be because we've been spending so much time together lately). In the past 2 weeks we've been to two happy hours one of which it was just me him and another female co-worker, and we all went out this past Saturday.

A bit of a background, he's an avid pizza lover and me and him live in the same city but we work in a different city. Anyway for a long time I've been telling him to try a pizza place by me (I was telling him this long before I developed a crush on him) which has amazing pizza. He always used to say it's far for him (he lives about 20 min away from me). Anyway about a month and a half ago i asked if he'd ever made it to the pizza place and he said no he was waiting for me to take him. So I said something like "oh I have to take you"? And he said "well I'll pay and you come with me" and I said "ok I'll hold you to it" but I never mentioned it again and neither did he....up until this past Friday. We had all made plans to go out this past Saturday and the plan was that I would pick him up since he was on my way. So Friday I told him to give me his number so I can text him to let him know what time I'll pick him up. He gave me his number and said "so now you have my number and you have to take me to that pizza place" so I said ok and that was it.

Saturday night I picked him up and he seemed really nervous when he got in my car (which was weird cause he's always so calm and collected). But after about 10 minutes he was his normal self again, and we were just chatting the whole way like we always do.

On the way back I was a bit tired so he offered to drive and I let him. When we got in the car (it was 2am), he asked me what I was doing next, so I asked him what he meant and he said "aren't you calling anyone when you get home"? And I said "you mean like a booty call"? And he said yes. I said no, I'm going to bed and I don't do that kind of stuff anyway. Let me just say we're pretty close so it's not like a stranger was asking me this sort of inappropriate questions, we both have pretty deep discussions with each other so it kind of feels like nothing is off limits. So then he kept asking if I was ok to drive home once he got dropped off, and I said yea I'm fine, but he asked like 4 times so on the fourth time I jokingly said "no I'm staying at your house" and he said "that's fine, I'll just sleep in the living room".

Anyway, I'm finding it hard to read him I don't know if he's interested in me or just views me as a friend. Also with the pizza place do I bring it up or just wait him for him to say something about it again? I feel like he has my number now so he can easily just text me and ask me to go if he really wants to.

I know it's a bad idea to date a co-worker so I'd prefer it if we could refrain from those comments, as I've heard them all before and am on the way to leaving this department soon anyway.

[Shysister]

I would just play it cool and see if he contacts you as nothing you stated really stands out as anything more than you guys already being acquainted with each other. It also seem he was sort of insisting you stay at his place because he obviously knew you were tired, it was late and felt it would be gentleman like and more appropriate to prefer you stay instead of driving home alone in the middle of the night.


However him asking about a potential booty call kind of seems like he was "fishing" but again since you guys are already cool like that, it could have just been small talk for him and nothing more. If he's interested he'll pursue and push the ball in that direction.

[bebe182]

Originally Posted by Shysister

I would just play it cool and see if he contacts you as nothing you stated really stands out as anything more than you guys already being acquainted with each other. It also seem he was sort of insisting you stay at his place because he obviously knew you were tired, it was late and felt it would be gentleman like and more appropriate to prefer you stay instead of driving home alone in the middle of the night.


However him asking about a potential booty call kind of seems like he was "fishing" but again since you guys are already cool like that, it could have just been small talk for him and nothing more. If he's interested he'll pursue and push the ball in that direction.

Yea I agree, I feel like the way he acts with me can go either way. I guess I'll just wait and see how it plays out.

[Suburban_Guy]

OP sounds familiar, wonder if it's the same person I responded to a while before?

Anyways, yup he's just nervous because he likes you.

As a guy, sometimes you can't help automatic reflexive body reaction. Many guys get automatically nervous if they're with a girl they really like, even though they may be perfectly relaxed with them at work or in regular interactions.

Probably this guy was nervous at the start of the 'date' because he was running it over in his mind how he was going to 'seal the deal' with the OP. That's why he kept asking the same thing over and over at the end, because he kind of wanted to make a move but just couldn't do it due to nerves or whatever.

So if the OP really likes the guy in that way, she needs to be more clear about it, without being too explicit and needy. The longer she keeps being coy, the more the guy gets conflicted and turned off.

Yes I get it that it's the guy that's supposed to be upfront and the one pursuing the girl, but not all guys are alike.

[bebe182]

Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy

OP sounds familiar, wonder if it's the same person I responded to a while before?

Anyways, yup he's just nervous because he likes you.

As a guy, sometimes you can't help automatic reflexive body reaction. Many guys get automatically nervous if they're with a girl they really like, even though they may be perfectly relaxed with them at work or in regular interactions.

Probably this guy was nervous at the start of the 'date' because he was running it over in his mind how he was going to 'seal the deal' with the OP. That's why he kept asking the same thing over and over at the end, because he kind of wanted to make a move but just couldn't do it due to nerves or whatever.

So if the OP really likes the guy in that way, she needs to be more clear about it, without being too explicit and needy. The longer she keeps being coy, the more the guy gets conflicted and turned off.

Yes I get it that it's the guy that's supposed to be upfront and the one pursuing the girl, but not all guys are alike.

I just want to clarify, it wasn't a date, we were meeting up with our other co-worker friends for a night out and I picked him up because we live in the same city and he was on my way.

Also I just wanted to add, those times that he's asked me to go to the pizza place with him, there were other co-workers around so they probably heard. He keeps his dating life private, so I figured if he was interested in anything other than friendship he wouldn't have asked me out loud like that for others to hear.

One last thing I didn't mention, one of our co-workers brought a girlfriend of hers who she's wanted to set this guy up with. I didn't really see them communicate much at the place. So it didn't really seem like either of them were interested. When we left and him and I were walking to the car I said "so you didn't like so and so" and his response was "she was cute, I tried talking to her but I could tell she wasn't interested", again doesn't seem like he would tell me that if he was interested in me.

[Suburban_Guy]

Originally Posted by bebe182

I just want to clarify, it wasn't a date, we were meeting up with our other co-worker friends for a night out and I picked him up because we live in the same city and he was on my way.

Also I just wanted to add, those times that he's asked me to go to the pizza place with him, there were other co-workers around so they probably heard. He keeps his dating life private, so I figured if he was interested in anything other than friendship he wouldn't have asked me out loud like that for others to hear.

One last thing I didn't mention, one of our co-workers brought a girlfriend of hers who she's wanted to set this guy up with. I didn't really see them communicate much at the place. So it didn't really seem like either of them were interested. When we left and him and I were walking to the car I said "so you didn't like so and so" and his response was "she was cute, I tried talking to her but I could tell she wasn't interested", again doesn't seem like he would tell me that if he was interested in me.

You keep asking and wondering endlessly if he's interested in you.

You're asking us strangers, and some of us have said yes.

But yet you still seem to hesitate and keep asking if he's really interested.

Really, it's not that hard.

Instead of asking on here endlessly, why can't you make a move? Or at least drop more hints and say/try to do things to find out.

I'm telling you as a guy, not all guys are so forward in telling girls they like them. Not all guys are pursuers or confident alpha male types.

We can tell you until the end of time this guy may be interested in you, and that you should be more forward if you really like him, yet your response will probably continue to be doubt. Instead of using this to go forward, I am guessing you'll keep bringing up specific examples of why you don't think he's interested and make this into an 8 page thread. What's the worst he's going to do, say no? As long as you don't come across as an obsessed person, no guy will think badly of a girl that expresses interest in him. A guy's not going to file a sexual harassment charge against a co-worker that tried to kiss him at an off work date or function.

I don't get it. What more encouragement do you need? Next thing you'll probably bring up is the co-worker angle. Well guess what, people spend most of their lives at work. Nothing wrong at all with dating a co-worker if you do it right.

I'm not trying to hate on you, but there seems to be a pattern where if people give you encouraging responses, you don't acknowledge and act on that, but instead cast doubt on it. Most people I assume would be glad to hear positive and encouraging responses. A lot of times I don't on here simply because the situation doesn't merit it and I don't give people false hopes.

[BigBadmike]

Please leave the guy alone. Good women complain about work place harassment and you're thinking this? If have any values you would leave the guy alone. If things don't turn out ok you won't be ok seeing him on a frequently basis at work.

[Zeurich]

I think you know the answer. He likes you. Yes it is possible he is nervous because you both work at the same place. Why don't you ask him if he want to eat a pizza again Just saying

[Amelie90]

I think if he's interested enough, he'll let you know.