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People say that even if you are not strongly attracted to someone after a few dates, you can somehow start finding them attractive somewhere down the line if you give them enough chances. How do you know when to give someone several dates to see if there is an attraction versus when to cut someone off because you know there will never be an attraction? How long do you keep seeing someone before you decide you are not attracted to them and never will be? I have dated several people who I was attracted to in the beginning but after getting to know them, I just automatically stop being attracted to them (not just on a physical level) , even if I find out we have a lot of the same interests. I don't understand the way attraction works sometimes, lol.
Never had this happen with 'dates'. Since women I've asked usually already meet a minimal level of physical attractiveness threshold. And, like your example, some character qualities / behaviors turned me off in some manner.
The situation most often occurs when you are sharing common history with someone of opposite gender (for me) in a group setting whether work or outside interests. The person may not initially peak my 'interest', but, over time, seeing someone in various environments (school, work, social, etc..) and how they behave and interact with others (in context of the environment) or how they respond to challenges, can begin to slide the perception of them on the scale of indifference to attraction. Especially, if the instances show a kindred spirit / lifestyle, emotional maturity, courage, resourcefulness, and an innate grounded-ness and intelligence.
Some women simply become more attractive once they sense they are valued by someone and begin to take steps to improve themselves or surmount self imposed barriers.
This is portrayed well in the transformation of "Adrian/ Talia Shire" - Stallone's wife in Rocky as a visual example.
I never dated anyone I was not attracted to but I have had many conversations with men and women who were very friendly and attractive but not on a romantic level.
I told part of this story in a reply to another thread yesterday. This is the closest I ever came to deeply caring about someone that I initially didn't find attractive.
I am 6'2" and this young lady was all of 5'. She'd claim 5'2", but insist on wearing her boots to prove it. She was very dark, barely any hair, had a barrel shaped body and part of me suspected that she was born male. No one at work batted an eye when they found out we were lovers. They didn't judge her by her looks or us by how awkward we looked walking side by side. No, they knew her to be a beautiful soul and they were glad we were together. I did not see the attraction and subsequent relationship coming.
I was a supervisor and handed out job assignments and on occasion I would assign her work, although she primarily worked for someone else. It wasn't until one slow shift that we really got to talking and I realized, I like her. I liked spending time with her and took every opportunity that I could to be with her. It didn't matter what we must've looked like to other people.
She turned out to be one of the kindest and most intelligent people I have ever met.
I wasn't initially attracted to her until I got to know her and I'm very glad I did.
I have never gone on dates with someone that I did not find attractive hoping to develop some attraction. I would imagine there has to be some attraction for someone to even ask for the date.
The easiest way I can say this is like this. When you first visually see someone (before you know them) you may not find them attractive, but if you take some time get to know them as a person, their likes and personalities, and you may begin to find them attractive.
I have had it happen. Not thru dating really, but just someone I never really thought of as someone to pursue when I first met her. However, through just getting to know them, interacting, do things together (just friend things, not "casual" things), I ended up becoming very attracted to her.
My first long term gf was actually a proctor in my first Spanish class in college. I didn't initially notice her, nor was I attracted to her. But we went to a party together with some other friends 6 months after the class began. She did some things that indicated she was interested in me, and from then on, we were an item.
My husband and I met online so the only level of attraction came from our online chats and phone conversations. I liked his voice and his sense of humor. It was obvious that he had a caring and sympathetic soul. After we met, I thought he's nice enough but there was little attraction.
After we'd been dating a few months, a co-worker laughed at me and said "You're gonna marry him". I scrunched up my nose and said "No way!".
She was right...we were married 2 years later and we've been together 10 years now. I really did grow to love him. There is much more of an emotional attraction than a physical one, but there is a physical attraction because I know he loves me.
Yep.......I was sick of being poor.......I knew the man asking me out had money.
We have been married over 15 years.
Yes.......he knows this.
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