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No, they cannot. Quite the opposite. If a guy gets a woman pregnant his choices at that point are nil. As it should be, it is her decision or not to have the child. The woman has flexibility in choice, the man does not, once the pregnancy occurs, which means it is men that have to be pickier in who they have sex with as his risks are much higher and his ability to choose at that point is non existent.
An interesting point. As it often seems to be the case, my additional comments would get all hijacky on the thread, but this is a point worth noting.
No, they cannot. Quite the opposite. If a guy gets a woman pregnant his choices at that point are nil. As it should be, it is her decision or not to have the child. The woman has flexibility in choice, the man does not, once the pregnancy occurs, which means it is men that have to be pickier in who they have sex with as his risks are much higher and his ability to choose at that point is non existent.
It's best to be selective when choosing sexual partners, but I'm sure most men feel that the risks are minimal as long as they use a condom. Even if the woman does end up getting pregnant and having a baby, men walk away all the time, leave the woman to deal with that on her own, and continue living their lives.
I think it's pretty easy to see that choosing partners poorly represents a big risk for either sex, which is one reason that screening for compatiblity early on if you are at all in the market for ultimately building something serious is advisable. *edit* Well, that and refraining from indiscriminate sex with people whose character, traits, values or desires you have no idea of, but that goes without saying.
This includes being straightforward regarding where you are in the here and now on the kids issue, and what ultimate goals are.
Am I saying post it on your online dating profile? Maybe, maybe not (haven't been on in years, as I married my last online date - who I did, incidentally, discuss the kid issue with early on and learned we were on the same page, and so it made sense to proceed - but do they still have a place to indicate "has kids"/"wants kids?" or similar?). Am I saying discuss it on the first date? Not if it doesn't come up organically. Am I saying discuss it before embarking upon something that's getting serious? Absolutely. And the timeline on that varies as much as the individuals involved.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
It's best to be selective when choosing sexual partners, but I'm sure most men feel that the risks are minimal as long as they use a condom. Even if the woman does end up getting pregnant and having a baby, men walk away all the time, leave the woman to deal with that on her own, and continue living their lives.
Most men are idiots, because most people are. And walking away isn't an option in reality, unless a person is a total scumbag. But in that case the woman made two poor choices, having sex with a scumbag, and then having and keeping a child from the scumbag. The guy also made poor choices, but that's what scumbags do.
And I don't know about walking away "all the time". I'm sure there are people that do and places where it happens, but I've never seen or heard of it happening in my life. It's the stuff of day time talk shows.
Most men are idiots, because most people are. And walking away isn't an option in reality, unless a person is a total scumbag. But in that case the woman made two poor choices, having sex with a scumbag, and then having and keeping a child from the scumbag. The guy also made poor choices, but that's what scumbags do.
And I don't know about walking away "all the time". I'm sure there are people that do and places where it happens, but I've never seen or heard of it happening in my life. It's the stuff of day time talk shows.
Well, luckily my dad didn't walk away because he was one of those men who didn't really want children. But it definitely happens and it's very unfortunate.
One of the things that I would love to do is adopting a child some day. Not sure about having biological kids (leaning towards not).
Should I mention this in my dating profile or is it better to save it for a face-to-face conversation?
Didn't you post a thread in which you said you're already in your 30s and don't have a "burning desire" to have kids? Did you just mean physically "having" kids? Because you need a burning desire to be a parent of ANY child.
If this is just something you're mulling over, it doesn't need to come up on a first date.
Your desire to adopt is "some day", which could be far into the future. Focus on the here and now of building the relationships.
It might scare a fair number of men off. Talking about babies too soon is something that many men do not feel comfortable with.
Not at all. Depending upon your biological sex and stance, this can actually cost you the opportunity to build something. For men that are indifferent about having kids or outright opposed to it, the best policy is to keep quiet about it for as long as possible. Indifferent men can probably get away with saying something along the lines like "It's not a short term priority item, my short term priority is building a great relationship first."
In general, men really don't need to say anything. Sometimes it won't even come up if the woman doesn't press the issue.
Bad advice all around. ^^^^
There is absolutely no point in "building something" with someone only to find that you do not agree on this important. The default is "kids someday," but if one is in the minority (no kids, would rather adopt, etc.) it is best to mention this in the first few dates.
Wanting kids or not wanting kids is for most people a deal breaker in either direction. Therefore, when it comes to this particular topic, I think it would be very important to be on the same page before getting too attached to each other. That just seems like common sense to me.
Men can afford to be less picky about who they choose to have sex with. A woman choosing who to have children with is a MUCH bigger decision as the consequences of choosing wrong are much greater. I can understand that when the biological clock starts ticking, some women might think to themselves "Ok, this guy isn't perfect but he'll do" but that's not the same thing as going out and getting impregnated by just anyone.
Ever heard of birth control? Women can act just like men and follow their primal sexual instincts without having to give up 9-10 months.
Both sexes have risks though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
If you don't have time to date, then don't date. Similar values and goals are critical for a LTR to work, sure, but remember what dating is about and what comes first: FUN. Dating is about going out with someone and having fun with them. If you're viewing it as just a means to an end, to get what you want, and you're not enjoying the actual dating process and getting to know someone and having fun/laughing/playing, then its going to be a cruddy experience and turn off most good people (and you'll not get to the relationship part). First things first: fun.
Totally. Dating in the early stages should be all about fun. Parenthood is not fun.
Most people can't say for certain how they will feel about having a child 10 to 15 years down the road...I wouldn't mention it until the relationship seemed like the two people would even know each other in 10-15 years...
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