I'm getting sour...

[Hendu]

Originally Posted by Autumn_sweater

My self esteem is really low after many disappointments in the past. But if I go back in time, let's say 10 years back, I was single and I had the same difficulties with men.
I either get scared by them when they pursue me too hard, or I pursue the ones that doesn't like me back.
I'd like to have an organic, natural relationship with Jen. And with this I don't mean a sexual or romantic one. I don't have make friends. I actually don't have female friends either! This last year I isolated myself and my guess is people can sense I'm not in s really friendly mode.

I've been really sad for a long time. I need to fix this in order to attract the right guys, I know.

Exactly. When you're happy and smiling and enjoying life, everyone will want to be around you. Whether friends or romantic interests. By worrying about that right now, you're putting the cart before the horse and in danger of attracting people who feed off low self esteem. Focus on making yourself happy - therapy, hobbies, career, whatever it is.

[m75]

Originally Posted by Autumn_sweater

For Every day that pass that I find myself without someone who cares for me and whom I care for, I became more sour and hopeless.

Online, Handsome guys don't pay attention to me and I usually receive a lot of attention from grandpas, crazies, 20 year old guys, or simple weirdos. I'm hopeless.

I have some baggage as well and today I started to get angry at someone from my past that blatantly used me for sex. I can't forgive him. I wish I could, at least I'd feel free from this madness.

I'm losing hope I'll find someone again. I don't even look for anyone online, just check messages (which are 100% from the people listed above)

I went to Home Depot the other day, following someone's advice here. I just grabbed the paint, walked trying to find someone interesting (which I found but they didn't even look at me!) and just paid and left.

At Starbucks, I sit and look around but no one ever approaches to me. That is making me believe I'm not as attractive as j thought I was. Maybe I'm horrible. Ugh

Just hopeless. I wonder why guys don't like me enough

Just learn to enjoy time to yourself. Work on improving yourself, learn to by happy without someone else, and don't try too hard. Back when I used to drink, whenever I went out with the intentions of trying to get laid it never worked. When I just went out to have fun and didn't start the night with the mindset that I have to bring someone home, that's when women just came to me and getting laid was easy. Ive come across the best and most attractive women I've been with in places I wouldn't expect and wasn't trying at all. In college it was the gym most of the time. I just go to get a workout and I'm focused on that and only that but a few times I've come across amazing looking women and I go up and approach them and it goes well from there.

[Faith2187]

Your too desperate. You want to be loved by a man to feel better about yourself-the reality is that the only way to fill the void that you think a man can fill is to learn to love youself-regardless of your current status, past, etc. Everytime you go out searching for men in these random places like your on a get a man mission, your insecurities, past experiences, and shortcomings are validated. Why? Because the situations that happen reflect you-they reflect how you REALLY feel about yourself, thus because you really don't feel great about yourself you keep finding yourself in situations that recreate the negative feelings you feel about who you are. Because you doubt your ability to get the type of man you really want, you continue to not attract this type of man. And because you are so desperate to feel love you are attempting to force it by going out of your way to meet men and the opposite is happening further validating the sour feeling you feel. See how it works? You don't love yourself, you don't think you are worthy, and you go out doing what you can go attract a man and nothing happens further fueling the feelings of worthlessness. You believe you are unworthy so no matter what you do, that's what your experiences affirm.

And,

Have you heard the saying "don't go looking for love?"

It's true. There is no need to go looking for love because it already exists within you. Love is awaiting you and it isn't within a random man at home depot. If you want to truly feel it you have to begin the very difficult process of learning to like you as you are, short comings and all, before you can feel the "love" that's within you that your desperate to have. Once you learn to like yourself, you will then begin to make decisions that will result in outcomes that reflect all the things that you like about you. These will affirm why you are worthy. Then, when you progress to loving yourself(and I say progress because it's an arduous journey to get to that place where you truly love yourself.. It's baby steps, you first must condition your mind to find things to like about you before you get to the place where you can love your whole package- imperfections and all) your life will transform. You will find yourself in situations that affirm how great you are. The people in your life will affirm it, your experiences, Etc. And because love is so strong and beautiful and radiates in a way that draws people in, you will meet someone without having to seek it out. You will believe you are worthy of someone else's love and that person will give it to you. And it will trump the experiences you've had thus far.

Sounds complex huh?

It is. But I'm telling you this the way I have because as others pointed out, quite simply you need to change your beliefs about yourself, about love, about men and relationships. It is the only way you will have different results. If you want to attract someone positive, that loves you, that pursues you because they see you are worth it, that makes you feel great inside, that is exactly the type of man you want, you have to be the person you want to attract. And it isn't easy, it may even mean that you will be single for a while... But I can tell based on your posts that right now the desperation you feel to feel better, is indicating that your so ready to do the work it takes to feel better about yourself--to love yourself.

Have you ever done affirmations? What are the things that you like about yourself? Are you willing to invest in yourself(I.e. Being healthier, listening to your body more, doing positive things like pamper yourself as often as you can, make over etc).

[augiedogie]

I don't know anything about you other than what you've posted here, so I'll just give some general tips. Going to Home Depot or Lowes is a good idea. But you need to make sure that you're hair is attractive, and your clothes are attractive. It also helps if you smile at a man you might be interested in, or even just go up and ask them where the ____ are. That helps break the ice. But keep in mind, it can't be a 5 minute visit. Cruise around the store awhile, look at the merchandise, on the shelves and otherwise.

I also find it hard to believe that all the men that message you are all rejects. You might reconsider your standards. Everyone can't marry a doctor, dentist or bank president, etc. Someone older our younger can still make a good mate. You have to be open to possibilities and opportunities. Few of us are the pick of the litter.

Also, you could try to get involved in some activities that mostly men participate in. Meet up groups for hiking, motorcycles. Take some golf lessons. There are almost all men around golf courses. Or try target shooting with guns. Lots of men love guns and shooting. Again, there are very few single women in these activities. Or you could try something simpler and cheaper like Frisbee golf.