When to tell a potential partner about Invisible Disabilties?

[rbohm]

there is no "good way" to give anyone bad news. you can try to spin it in a positive light, but in the end bad news is bad news. best to be up front about it and dont hide anything.

and when you talk about it, dont hedge when you answer any questions, straight forward and honest is always best for these things.

[Londoncowboy30]

Originally Posted by Brodi

If you find a person who is interested in you, when do you make them aware of any non obvious disabilities? And how do you do it so they don't go running to the hills?

Id rather be upfront and honest about it from the offset, As much as I would understand their fear of not telling me upfront as they would be scared I would run, I would be more annoyed they didn't tell me sooner rather than later as its a very important thing to know.

The more time you spend with them you should feel more and more confident and comfortable around them so pick the right moment and tell them.

But again it's better to do it sooner rather than later IMO.

Good luck I hope things work out for you

[reneeh63]

Makes a huge difference what the "disability" is. Are we talking about being sterile? Impotent? ADHD? An alcoholic? On anti-depressives? That I always wear a push-up bra?

[BayAreaHillbilly]

Originally Posted by Brodi

If you find a person who is interested in you, when do you make them aware of any non obvious disabilities? And how do you do it so they don't go running to the hills?

Front and center, as soon as things get past small talk and into "about me and you" details.

Two things ... you want to immediately shoo away anyone who would judge / bully / discriminate against you ... and ... conversely, this is the most efficient way to find someone who either also has a hidden disability (and is looking for a like person who understands) or who is very tolerant of it (e.g. someone who gets the idea of strength through diversity).

[skilldeadly]

Say it early. Why? Because its something that will impact the relationship greatly. To be honest, when a girl tells me they have a disease or disability I decide to not pursue any further. It's just not something that I want to deal with. I feel bad but with a daughter and a career it would require a lot. Dont get me wrong, if I had a spouse who had a disease or disability pop up, I would be in full support mode.

[Leisesturm]

Interesting topic. CDS610's reply early in the thread still has not been dethroned as best reply. Maybe I can give it a run for the money. The o.p. is approaching the issue from the (typically) ME first POV. Maybe its me but given the difficulty that even perfect specimens of male and female physical and emotional superiority have in the dating wars what informs the expectation of someone with "invisible defecits" that they have any right to a favorable reception of their candidacy? I'm serious. But not insensitive. I have some advice for the o.p. and anyone in their situation: Seize the power.

Put yourself out there, warts and all for consideration. You might then well receive contacts that have similar challenges to yourself. And? Will you show them the same consideration you hope to receive for yourself? Obviously the only way to do this is OLD. That, IMO is the only way someone who has to "explain" anything about themselves, be it a life challenge, chronic STD, or non-traditional gender expression, should hope to meet others. Chatting up "ordinary" people with the hope of getting them to like you, and then easing them into the reality of your situation once there is rapport is called "bait and switch" in the retail sector, and it is considered ethically objectionable.

[Brodi]

Originally Posted by homina12

school and work and relationship stuff, and most of all with trying to get some assistance.

I like this answer. They've all been good but this one really nails it. I especially like the "are you familiar with" approach. It eases into what will likely be a slightly uncomfortable conversation for both parties, and gives the other person room to ask questions and make sense of what he or she is hearing at their own pace. So I second this advice, OP.

I've read some of your other posts OP, and I sympathize with your efforts to work through the various ways your disability affects your life, and especially with your frustration with entities that are "helping" you. I work for a private agency that gets referrals from our voc rehab office. I see how they operate and I know it has to be frustrating for someone trying to find services. To be honest, though, sometimes we're part of the problem. All I can say is that reading about some of your frustrations reminds me that we're not looking at a referral packet or a case, but a person we're supposed to help, or if we can't help, to be honest and timely about that.

IT's a cliché, but persistence pays off. Government offices and private providers have all kinds of incentives to go slow with people who aren't a classic fit for the services they fund or provide. I hate to admit this, but I'm human and there have been times where someone's caught me on the phone at the right time and I've found an answer I might not have on another day. If you call me once the odds of that are far less than if you persist, and in some instances something's changed and it's fresh in my mind and then it's just lucky timing. Just a thought.

Good luck.

Right now I have a caseworker who barely speaks English (immigrant from a former eastern bloc country), the office's phone lines suck (static, tinny, etc), no one has the right forms/paperwork and they tell you too much too quickly. Neither me or my mom can remember all they tell us.

I've never had a romantic relationship in my life. I'll the men I've ever "clicked" with either moved away/got transfered or else I had to move. None ever got beyond the platonic level.

[ellie]

I wouldn't worry about disclosing your inability to handle finances until you'd been dating awhile. As for the other, simply explain that you have a mild disability that prevents you from driving. No biggie.