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As a teen, I was kind of an ugly girl, but was oblivious of that fact. I was chubby, did not dress well, my nose was flat, and the personality was a bit...ditzy. So, needless to say, I got rejected like 100% of the time while boys chased my prettier friends. I eventually got the message.
Things have changed a bit since then. I am in my early 20s now. I lost all the weight, got a rhinoplasty last year, different hair color and style, I dress much better, and behaviorally not so ditzy anymore. I went from chubby brunette with shoulder length hair and a bad nose to skinny redhead with long hair and a nice nose. I look extremely different now.
The issue is that the experiences I had as a teen kind of scarred my psyche. It's like I have a perpetually ugly perception of myself and am always trying to fix it by stupid things. Such as,"I will be pretty enough to get the guys I want if I just lose 10 more pounds (even though I am already underweight now) or if I get this one more cosmetic procedure".
And when guys do tell me I am pretty, such as at work, I don't believe them and just think "yeah, right" sarcastically or something. No matter how many times they say it.
This interferes with my romantic life in many ways. The self consciousness causes me to be extremely shy with dates, which comes across as being very reserved or cold, and then the guys asssume I'm an ice queen or boring and that ends it.
I wish I knew how to erase the psychological imprint of being an ugly duckling. I don't want to be cocky or overconfident, but to be able to see myself through a lens that is not distorted by the past.
I see that I don't look that bad when I look in the mirror, because the mirror is an objective reflection. But as soon as I leave the mirror, my mind's eye starts playing tricks.
How can I get it through my head that what I have now is good enough for love, and good enough in general, so that I can be myself with men instead of being paralyzed by self doubt?
How do you really change your mindset and add confidence, though? I have not found a way to make lasting mental change ... And many articles I sometimes read on increasing confidence and self acceptance just suggest things that seem silly, like affirmations.
Google body dysmorphia disorder. There are some tests you can complete online but also see a professional. Eating disorders can usually come with BDD so I'ld be concerned if you're already underweight and still thinking of losing weight.
It's about changing your mindset but it can be a bit difficult to do this on your own so seek professional help. Wish you all the best!
This is why bariatric surgery patients have to have counseling before and after the procedure, because it is known that physical changes alone won't "cure" the self-esteem problems that come with their condition.
As a teen, I was kind of an ugly girl, but was oblivious of that fact. I was chubby, did not dress well, my nose was flat, and the personality was a bit...ditzy. So, needless to say, I got rejected like 100% of the time while boys chased my prettier friends. I eventually got the message.
Things have changed a bit since then. I am in my early 20s now. I lost all the weight, got a rhinoplasty last year, different hair color and style, I dress much better, and behaviorally not so ditzy anymore. I went from chubby brunette with shoulder length hair and a bad nose to skinny redhead with long hair and a nice nose. I look extremely different now.
The issue is that the experiences I had as a teen kind of scarred my psyche. It's like I have a perpetually ugly perception of myself and am always trying to fix it by stupid things. Such as,"I will be pretty enough to get the guys I want if I just lose 10 more pounds (even though I am already underweight now) or if I get this one more cosmetic procedure".
And when guys do tell me I am pretty, such as at work, I don't believe them and just think "yeah, right" sarcastically or something. No matter how many times they say it.
This interferes with my romantic life in many ways. The self consciousness causes me to be extremely shy with dates, which comes across as being very reserved or cold, and then the guys asssume I'm an ice queen or boring and that ends it.
I wish I knew how to erase the psychological imprint of being an ugly duckling. I don't want to be cocky or overconfident, but to be able to see myself through a lens that is not distorted by the past.
I see that I don't look that bad when I look in the mirror, because the mirror is an objective reflection. But as soon as I leave the mirror, my mind's eye starts playing tricks.
How can I get it through my head that what I have now is good enough for love, and good enough in general, so that I can be myself with men instead of being paralyzed by self doubt?
Counseling and self help...You fixed the outside...now fix the inside. You have self-esteem issues...you still have those old "tapes" running in your head. "I'm not pretty enough, good enough, liked enough".....
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