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Since some posters asked for an update. Here it is: Yes, we spoke over the phone last night. The talk was friendly/congenial, etc. We discussed our differing views on the subject of sex. We left it kind of open but I will probably just let it go. People can judge all they want but I don't buy a car without a test drive...good physical chemistry (including sex) is part of the courting process for me.
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Are you exclusive? If not, why not just date other women and see what comes of this down the line?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
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Are you exclusive? If not, why not just date other women and see what comes of this down the line?
I hope they're not exclusive before having sex, but yea, that's a good way to reduce the anxiety, just date around until you find the right connection.
Big mistake. You should be looking at that before you even look at the sex equation. If you are doing all that and she is not putting in much effort, you are wasting your time on everything- sex, relationship, friendship, whatever.
A woman doesn't have to have sex by date three, but she sure should be starting to put more effort into the dating process by then- that's the true third date test rule.
Women are hardly "ashamed of their sexuality"... and if putting out right and left - what do you call that? You say "smart men" try to gauge how comfortable a woman is with sex, to avoid a lifetime of "not tonight dear".. LOL. Even if actually discovering real sexual chemistry early on, doesn't mean it remains at the same level forever. Attraction also has a lot to do with what happens outside of the bedroom, which seems to be rarely discussed or considered.
And "putting out left and right" has nothing to do with anything either.
I hope they're not exclusive before having sex, but yea, that's a good way to reduce the anxiety, just date around until you find the right connection.
I think "exclusive" is a bit ambiguous. I think many people don't have to be bf/gf to have sex but rather want the exclusivity that you're not sleeping with other people at the same time.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
I think "exclusive" is a bit ambiguous. I think many people don't have to be bf/gf to have sex but rather want the exclusivity that you're not sleeping with other people at the same time.
I can't recall ever meeting a woman that expressed this desire before I've had sex with them. I'm sure it happens though. They want to know if the sexual compatibility is there as much as I do before a commitment or expectation of exclusivity. I'm certainly not going to expect or try to convince a woman to not date/sleep with others before I know if there is potential there.
The STD / protection / birth control conversation is a separate thing entirely. And indeed, down the pike potentially certain actions become exclusive within a relationship without it being a BF/GF thing to maintain health, but not initially.
I don't have time to read the other 19 pages so apologies if someone has already posted this. When I was dating, I never counted the number of dates to sex. But I always needed to feel that we are making some "physical" progress and that a woman is not repulsed by me. If we are kissing, hugging, cuddling, making out then there is no problem to wait for sex to happen. Not forever but Ok for one to two months...
However, if a woman draws away when I touch her hand or shoulder and there is no physical contact than that is a very different matter. I would stop dating such person.
I would not be dating only to get laid. I would be dating to have an intimate relationship with a woman. But in my opinion, sex needs to happen in order for this intimate relationship to exist and thrive. If there is no sex, then eventually this relationship turns to friendship. Which is OK too but not where anyone wants to get to when dating.
Big mistake. You should be looking at that before you even look at the sex equation. If you are doing all that and she is not putting in much effort, you are wasting your time on everything- sex, relationship, friendship, whatever.
A woman doesn't have to have sex by date three, but she sure should be starting to put more effort into the dating process by then- that's the true third date test rule.
I do agree. There has to be a pretty clear "yeah I want to see him again" indicator, within a few dates.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Originally Posted by timberline742
No, I don't. I've read too many of your posts. I don't like her voice. I don't like this. I don't like that. Blah blah.
People aren't getting married for sex. And precious few people I know got married in a church, that's why that didn't register.
Well I would not be as selective for a night of sex or FWB as I would for a relationship. I'd be more apt to overlook those "don't likes."
Wouldn't you agree that free sex is a MAJOR incentive?
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That is a laugh. That is the main motivation for myself.
Attraction also has a lot to do with what happens outside of the bedroom, which seems to be rarely discussed or considered.
