Help me understand her (dating, women, love, younger)
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Hi everyone, this is my first post on the forum and am really looking to hear some rational opinions.
2 months ago, I met a great girl. I was quite fast to see that chemistry is there and that we share a lot in common, such as sense of humor, different tastes, opinion etc..
We have been dating for over 2 months now and things seem to be great while we are together. Once we start communicating through text messages, I somehow start feeling insecure and it gets the best of me.
Anyhow, we almost broke up once because she felt a bit pressured from my side, nonetheless, after a good thorough conversation, we clarified that I understand her feeling about being under pressure and that I am usually quite fast and able to tell if the person in front of me is a match or not, and promised her to go slow and with the flow while trying to make the best of it.
One thing which is really annoying me, is that she has told me a couple of times "I am not in love, and it takes time". My understanding of being in love is a bit different as it comes without planning and should be there from an early stage imo. This worries me somehow because I am starting to feel attached and expecting stuff from her, but at the same time I am not sure where we stand.
She has admitted to me that there is some connection between us and she is working it out. In her previous 2 relationships she fell in love quite fast and now she is into spiritual stuff and continuously trying to improve of herself. This is no consolidation to me though. Being a Virgo myself, I am a bit complicated when it comes to unknown stuff.
What do you people think? If you have questions please ask and I will provide answers to help figure it out.
If she says she is not in love then believe her and I have never been one to compare the present relationship with those in the past. They are different people, different dynamics and should never be compared or measured one against the other.
Any questions you have regarding her you will have to get the answers from her. Any answers regarding your own life and how you choose to live it can only come from you to yourself.
Right now you are way more into her that she is into you. That might change in the future, but don't be surprised if it doesn't and she never really gets to that point and things start cooling off
All you can do is take things slowly at her pace. If you get to the point where you are feeling unhappy with things, then break things off with her
If she says she is not in love then believe her and I have never been one to compare the present relationship with those in the past. They are different people, different dynamics and should never be compared or measured one against the other.
Any questions you have regarding her you will have to get the answers from her. Any answers regarding your own life and how you choose to live it can only come from you to yourself.
I do believe her, but I also know that she is the type who'd or say the opposite or even not respond if she feels someone is telling her she must or should.. She is a bit opinionated which is fine by me, as long as she doesn't contradict her inner feeling or senses just for the sake of being stubborn.
As for the past relationships, no comparison there. I am only trying to understand the dynamics if there are any. We have often chatted and had deep talks to understand how she is inside her head. But is there something such as love will come and takes time to develop? My view about it is a bit different, either it is there or it isn't. I don't want to discuss this love subject with her anymore because it might be a turnoff, that is why I am her and am listening to opinions.
Right now you are way more into her that she is into you. That might change in the future, but don't be surprised if it doesn't and she never really gets to that point and things start cooling off
All you can do is take things slowly at her pace. If you get to the point where you are feeling unhappy with things, then break things off with her
You are probably right that I am more into her than she is into me (regrettably) but that is an attribute of mine (knowing quite fast who and what I like) it is a blessing but sometimes a curse. I used to be a player and quite well in playing games, but right now at least he age of 45 and after a bad marriage, I prefer the direct and honest way as it cuts out a lot of crap, especially that I am interested in a serious relationship.
Let me add that we spend times and nights together, and it is sometimes unreal how we both can anticipate each other's thoughts and views about things. I see this stuff as signs of compatibility that cannot be ignored, but I am the analytical type of guy too.
Sounds like she's just not as into you as you are her. I kinda feel like if she was going to fall for you she'd be feeling something by now- 2 months in. How old are the two of you? I don't really believe that passionate love takes months to develop. If it's not there very soon, I'd probably move on. It's okay to just be friends.
EDIT: I see you are 45. Maybe she's just older, more guarded now and needing a lot more time to trust a man than when she was younger. Does she ACT as if she loves you?
You are probably right that I am more into her than she is into me (regrettably) but that is an attribute of mine (knowing quite fast who and what I like) it is a blessing but sometimes a curse. I used to be a player and quite well in playing games, but right now at least he age of 45 and after a bad marriage, I prefer the direct and honest way as it cuts out a lot of crap, especially that I am interested in a serious relationship.
Let me add that we spend times and nights together, and it is sometimes unreal how we both can anticipate each other's thoughts and views about things. I see this stuff as signs of compatibility that cannot be ignored, but I am the analytical type of guy too.
You might want to pull out some of your gaming moves - at they are in both of yall's long term interests. The women I have known have all gotten nervous when things were too easy.
Sounds like she's just not as into you as you are her. I kinda feel like if she was going to fall for you she'd be feeling something by now- 2 months in. How old are the two of you? I don't really believe that passionate love takes months to develop. If it's not there very soon, I'd probably move on. It's okay to just be friends.
EDIT: I see you are 45. Maybe she's just older, more guarded now and needing a lot more time to trust a man than when she was younger. Does she ACT as if she loves you?
She is 39.. and yes when we are together it is simply awesome and like if we have been in a full relationship for years, seeming like she does love me. It can be very true that she is guarded and open about her feelings. I can feel it in her touch and the look in her eyes when we meet.. there is some sort of fire there but her being confused about her feelings is what is eating me and feeding on the insecurities which can have an opposite effect on the way i feel toward her.
I do believe her, but I also know that she is the type who'd or say the opposite or even not respond if she feels someone is telling her she must or should.. She is a bit opinionated which is fine by me, as long as she doesn't contradict her inner feeling or senses just for the sake of being stubborn.
As for the past relationships, no comparison there. I am only trying to understand the dynamics if there are any. We have often chatted and had deep talks to understand how she is inside her head. But is there something such as love will come and takes time to develop? My view about it is a bit different, either it is there or it isn't. I don't want to discuss this love subject with her anymore because it might be a turnoff, that is why I am her and am listening to opinions.
No matter what words you use to explain it, any time a past relationship is involved it is being used to compare to the present and understanding the dynamics of the past does not help the present since different people are involved.
As far as her and her feelings, she controls those and if she wants to contradict for the sake of being stubborn that is her choice and you can't do anything about it.
You will also never understand how she is inside her head especially if she does not understand it herself but good luck anyway.
She is 39.. and yes when we are together it is simply awesome and like if we have been in a full relationship for years, seeming like she does love me. It can be very true that she is guarded and open about her feelings. I can feel it in her touch and the look in her eyes when we meet.. there is some sort of fire there but her being confused about her feelings is what is eating me and feeding on the insecurities which can have an opposite effect on the way i feel toward her.
Give her time and be patient. Hang in there. If she's acting like she loves you, you may hear her say it sooner or later and when she does, she'll truly mean it.
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