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Kinda glad I found this website to talk to, not sure what to do in my situation.
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 1/2 years now. At first it was great! We would go out to nice parties, have a great love life, went to many places together, etc. I do make more money then him so I always felt it was nicer to pitch in on things more, as he was using his money for our rent and building his own business. Well that was almost 3 years ago since that all changed. He still uses his money to buy things for his business, which to this day he just spends money and hasn't made a thing to show for it except the thrill of getting new things. I still make more then him, and pay for the rent, food, basically everything and feel like his mother. He is now in school for a 2 year program to further his education, but he never does his homework. I was gone for 2 1/2 weeks for a work trip and asked him to do one thing. Get up to date on your school work. Well I just got back this past week and he hasn't done anything. On top of that, our house is always a mess. I always feel like I'm cleansing after him, and half way that I'm cleaning he always says something and we get into a fight. The only thing I really want from him is to get a job, whether it be working for yourself or someone else, even though he is in school full time. Ugh. What do I do? We fight all the time over stupid stuff, I do love him but this needs to change that I basically pay for the roof over his head, which isn't cheap.
He is abusing his privileges and being plain disrespectful kinda like a teenager. DO you want to live with a teenager?
Better have a talk with him and get him to straighten his buttocks, you need an adult not a teenager.
Have a serious talk with him, tell him what's on you mind and if he does not change and you need to move on, and if you don't break up with him it means that you are ok with this arrangement and you truly cannot complain after that. How old is he anyway and how old are u if you don't mind sharing that info. Sometimes its worth a try to work things out as long as the cards are all laid down, maybe he got too comfortable, you gotta tell him what's bothering you and if you can't be honest with him and it is really not worth staying...speacially if he cannot even take care of you.
You can't make other people do things, you only have control over your own actions. You can't make him change unless he wants to. Have you had a serious discussion about this? Explained what you want out of a relationship? I would be pretty turned off by your arrangement. I'm not one for making ultimatums but perhaps you need to make him understand that you are unhappy with how things are currently going. Good luck!
Thanks for all your messages. I've spoken to him about him pitching in, more on the money part then anything. He told me to quit my job, and start helping him more and we will be making thousands in a matter of weeks. I told him I can't just quit my job, and then what if your promises don't come true? Then we basically can't afford to pay the bills and get kicked out on the streets, but he is so certain and stubborn, and so am I. I told him to prove if he can make thousands like be says, I will quit my job but till then I can't just rely on hope. He is 36 and I am 24. I met him when I was 19 years old. He just basically physically abused me to get into his office and try and help him with his homework. I told him, I'm not helping you with your school work and if you really need help get a mentor. He told me this isn't school work, this is a real life lesson. Which it is. But I kept on saying I didn't want to help and he was forcing me to stay in there and blocking me from the door. He didn't actually hurt me, but he did grab my arms as I was saying stop. This isn't normal. I feel like calling my family and going there tonight but I really don't want to get them involved. I'm in here in the washroom bawling my eyes out right now. I love him but this is too excuse my language, too effin much for me at my age. He was my first long relationship, and it's a disaster. I have two cats, and lots of things to move out and give at least 2 months notice before I move out.. But everytime I go to do it, I back out for some reason thinking it's gonna get better.
Thanks for all your messages. I've spoken to him about him pitching in, more on the money part then anything. He told me to quit my job, and start helping him more and we will be making thousands in a matter of weeks. I told him I can't just quit my job, and then what if your promises don't come true? Then we basically can't afford to pay the bills and get kicked out on the streets, but he is so certain and stubborn, and so am I. I told him to prove if he can make thousands like be says, I will quit my job but till then I can't just rely on hope. He is 36 and I am 24. I met him when I was 19 years old. He just basically physically abused me to get into his office and try and help him with his homework. I told him, I'm not helping you with your school work and if you really need help get a mentor. He told me this isn't school work, this is a real life lesson. Which it is. But I kept on saying I didn't want to help and he was forcing me to stay in there and blocking me from the door. He didn't actually hurt me, but he did grab my arms as I was saying stop. This isn't normal. I feel like calling my family and going there tonight but I really don't want to get them involved. I'm in here in the washroom bawling my eyes out right now. I love him but this is too excuse my language, too effin much for me at my age. He was my first long relationship, and it's a disaster. I have two cats, and lots of things to move out and give at least 2 months notice before I move out.. But everytime I go to do it, I back out for some reason thinking it's gonna get better.
He's been doing this for 4.5 years? I'm gonna stray from the norm of just telling you to lose him and say declare an ultimatum. He needs a wake up call. Put it in black and white that you won't continue to support him if he isn't willing to try in his classes and his business isn't going anywhere.
Here's the tough part, if he does continue this pattern, you have to follow up and leave him.
My best friend since childhood sounds remarkably similar to this and I remember clearly him becoming homeless and begging to live with his parents. Soon after this, his mom died. Since that, he's had a lot of time to think about what he wants for his life and who he wants to surround himself with. He's doing significantly better now.
The point of this is that if you can't convince him with talking to him, he might need a wake up call. Leaving him may be the best thing for yourself and him.
Go stay with your family. Find new place to rent. Get your family to help you move your stuff. Get on with your life without this guy. Do not confront him. Just leave. This is not a good situation.
As was said, you can only change you. Stop looking to him to change and turn the focus on you. What do YOU want. If the situation isnt what you want, YOU change it. If it means moving out, then do it. From what you are saying, moving would be nothing but a better situation for you.
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