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I know my title comes off as really sad and mope, but I can reassure that I don't feel this way. The title in a way describes the one thing that I've never had much grasp on in my life in the last 7 years, and that's my love life. It's the one area where at times I feel like where I live is causing me to die inside slowly at times. I've had the option to move a couple of times, but every time I put pen to paper on the subject, I literally feel like I'm just trading one problem for another. Almost like by moving I feel like I'm admitting defeat, when literally everything else about where I live and what I'm doing with my life brings me happiness. The majority of my friends live here and my immediate family is here too and my Mom is getting up in age.
I live in a smallish town (100k and trying to be more progressive) where interracial dating wasn't complicated in my 20s, but has become a bit more complicated in my 30s. I have come to the conclusion that most women were more up to try it in their 20s, because they were young and it was fun. As they got older, kids or other things have happened to where they rely on their family members more in their 30s than in their 20s, so the families opinion matters more. I feel as if I only deal with this kind of thinking when I'm dating. When it comes to friendships and business decisions, it's never been a hindrance.
Does anybody else feel this way when it comes to relationships, in a town or city that they love, but romantically, it feels a little stale? Doesn't have to be a interracial problem either, just any type of romance problem.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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While I am satisfied living in Virginia and consider it home, I wonder if moving someone would mean more girls would want to date my demographic. I've been considering moving at some point to one of the TX big cities, preferably Houston, because guys my size are more common there as well as my type is more common, larger girls. Plus my career just isn't working out here where there is competition far better than me.
Moving would mean losing a support system that took hell and high water to build as far as friends. As far as a state goes Virginia is a pretty decent deal all around so it'd be hard to throw in the towel on Virginia.
The only other place I've lived is Louisville and that was a disaster outside of getting finished with college.
I know my title comes off as really sad and mope, but I can reassure that I don't feel this way. The title in a way describes the one thing that I've never had much grasp on in my life in the last 7 years, and that's my love life. It's the one area where at times I feel like where I live is causing me to die inside slowly at times. I've had the option to move a couple of times, but every time I put pen to paper on the subject, I literally feel like I'm just trading one problem for another. Almost like by moving I feel like I'm admitting defeat, when literally everything else about where I live and what I'm doing with my life brings me happiness. The majority of my friends live here and my immediate family is here too and my Mom is getting up in age.
I live in a smallish town (100k and trying to be more progressive) where interracial dating wasn't complicated in my 20s, but has become a bit more complicated in my 30s. I have come to the conclusion that most women were more up to try it in their 20s, because they were young and it was fun. As they got older, kids or other things have happened to where they rely on their family members more in their 30s than in their 20s, so the families opinion matters more. I feel as if I only deal with this kind of thinking when I'm dating. When it comes to friendships and business decisions, it's never been a hindrance.
Does anybody else feel this way when it comes to relationships, in a town or city that they love, but romantically, it feels a little stale? Doesn't have to be a interracial problem either, just any type of romance problem.
I totally get it.
My location sucks for meeting decent quality men....
I just had 2 different conversations w/ 2 different attractive women.
They both moved away & came back due to either work or family.
Neither are happy to be here.
The job opportunities are good here, the food is excellent,
there's stuff to do downtown, blah blah blah.
The reality is the men here....the majority- go through women like water.
One of the ladies told me that when she got to N.C.
she instantly experienced the difference in men there.
She said within 6 weeks she actually had men asking her out, on real dates like gentlemen,
approaching her & just being kind to her.
The other lady echoed that- she said that she suddenly
didn't feel like some kind of reject anymore.
Here- ha!
The guys here are clueless- so caught up in the rat race, or sports or whatever...
They act like attractive women are invisible.
So yes it's on my mind....moving to another state-
Same thing though:
Everyone I care about is here, my job is pretty amazing
& I have no idea how it'd be anywhere else.
Sometimes I worry I could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire
I've been single (with the exception of a recent short-lived relationship) for over 8 years and during that time I've lived in the two of the largest, most diverse cities in the US. I've done interracial dating. In my experience it doesn't matter where you live. Dating is hard regardless. It was hard in my old small town during my 20s too. People who always manage to be in a relationship baffle me because I can't for the life of me figure out how they always find someone to be with.
I live near my closest friends and family now and am much happier than when I was in another city. It was too hard to be without them, especially after a breakup because I no local support. After my most recent breakup, it was great having so many loved ones around. If you're that happy being near your friends and family, I wouldn't trade that in the hopes of finding love elsewhere. There's no guarantee another place will be better. Like I said, even in one of the largest, most diverse cities in the US, dating is extremely hard. I hear from guys just as much as girls here too. People do rotten things to one another regardless of gender.
While I am satisfied living in Virginia and consider it home, I wonder if moving someone would mean more girls would want to date my demographic. I've been considering moving at some point to one of the TX big cities, preferably Houston, because guys my size are more common there as well as my type is more common, larger girls. Plus my career just isn't working out here where there is competition far better than me.
Moving would mean losing a support system that took hell and high water to build as far as friends. As far as a state goes Virginia is a pretty decent deal all around so it'd be hard to throw in the towel on Virginia.
The only other place I've lived is Louisville and that was a disaster outside of getting finished with college.
We're both black, so we can both understand the struggle that interracial can be at times. It sounds like you're wrestling with a similar problem as myself. It's so hard to look at moving when you truly don't feel that miserable in the state or city that you live in. I have two buddies who live in Plano, TX that I go and visit about every 60-90 days. They are desperately wanting me to move to the area, because it's more progressive and fits a dynamic that's more of who I am. The big draw back I keep taking from the decision to move is that these guys are both single and both are homebodies. So even if I entertained moving, I'd want someone to show me the ropes of a new and progressive city. That kind of adventure by myself is still fun, but it's better when you have a little bit of a guide.
I totally get it.
My location sucks for meeting decent quality men....
I just had 2 different conversations w/ 2 different attractive women.
They both moved away & came back due to either work or family.
Neither are happy to be here.
The job opportunities are good here, the food is excellent,
there's stuff to do downtown, blah blah blah.
The reality is the men here....the majority- go through women like water.
One of the ladies told me that when she got to N.C.
she instantly experienced the difference in men there.
She said within 6 weeks she actually had men asking her out, on real dates like gentlemen,
approaching her & just being kind to her.
The other lady echoed that- she said that she suddenly
didn't feel like some kind of reject anymore.
Here- ha!
The guys here are clueless- so caught up in the rat race, or sports or whatever...
They act like attractive women are invisible.
So yes it's on my mind....moving to another state-
Same thing though:
Everyone I care about is here, my job is pretty amazing
& I have no idea how it'd be anywhere else.
Sometimes I worry I could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire
This was the phrase I was looking for to use as my title, but I just couldn't think of it.
I don't really feel like my city is a problem, but my lack of mobility is. If I were willing to date someone who lived an hour away, I think that would help a bit. But I prefer 30 minutes or less. Also, I tend to only hang out in my town so I miss out on meeting people in surrounding towns.
What do other people's issues with interracial dating, have to do with your problems?
For instance, I dated a woman back in 4Q 2014. Her Mom was pretty prejudice and she mentioned to her Mom that she was dating a man of color, and her Mom wasn't too thrilled about it. This was information she relayed back to me and I mentioned that we weren't going to move super quick anyways. She left for the holidays where she was going to be spending time with her Mom and she came back and the relationship was done. I think it was on its way to being done before she left, but I think being with her Mom those few days and seeing how dating a man of color was likely going to directly interfere with that relationship, was just too much. It wasn't like we were dating for several months to a year. We were already on our second tour of dating and it wasn't getting any better.
I'm not saying my ethnicity was the only contributing factor by any means. I just know that it's a tough path to take at times, because these women tend to have close relationships with their families and do value their families opinion. Whether I agree or disagree with how they're family views me is not a hill I'm willing to die on early on in a relationship. So when they have issues with my ethnicity it's easier to just bow out with grace, then pop off and look like the "angry black guy".
Maybe I am misunderstanding the OP and a couple other posters here.
You are black and just want to date interracially or it's your only option because there's not much diversity where you live?
I saw a couple illusions to wanting to date large(er) white women, and i'm just wondering if that's a preference or what. Don't really understand what's going on. But I do understand how small towns can tend to be kind of racist, and that sucks.
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