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Dating is indeed an investment, and yes it sometimes has an undesirable return. (Same goes for friends, work, etc.) That's life...things sometimes don't work out, even if you apparently did "everything right". You will screw up and hurt the other person sometimes, and vice versa. However, part of adult maturity is learning how to deal with poor "ROI" in positive ways and turning the page. And despite the effort needed...if dating feels like "work" to a person, then that person's either doing it wrong or is in a wrong state-of-mind.
I completely agree with this.
I think that state of mind is very important. If one cannot look at "failures" as opportunities to learn and grow, then perhaps it's not the right time for them to be dating.
The fact is, without the experiences and "failures" that I have had in my past, I would not be the person I am now, and be with the person I am with now. Through trial and error, I have learned what works for me in relationships and what does not. All-in-all, for me, the experiences have been worth it.
I think that state of mind is very important. If one cannot look at "failures" as opportunities to learn and grow, then perhaps it's not the right time for them to be dating.
The fact is, without the experiences and "failures" that I have had in my past, I would not be the person I am now, and be with the person I am with now. Through trial and error, I have learned what works for me in relationships and what does not. All-in-all, for me, the experiences have been worth it.
That's the silver lining to a lot of failures, adversity. Are you willing and open to learning from your mistakes, even if you make a similar mistake down the road. Are you also capable of believing in what you put out and continue to work on your craft when it's not working the way you anticipated.
The cougar thing will work as long as you don't date kids. Been there, done that. it's like going to see the animals at the zoo. They are fun to look at and play with, but you wouldn't want to take one home. Well....maybe take one home and make sure they aren't still there when you get home next night. Lol.
Problem with the young ones is you can't carry on a conversation with them, and generally they are not looking for anything serious like you are. The fact I don't seem to have a lot in common with women my age is what steers me toward younger women. However, I finally gave up on the 20's and early 30's and have been sticking with the 35-45 age group. Much younger is fun, but has no future.
I feel sad that the whole process of dating can't seem fun to people. It really is supposed to be fun. Everybody seems to think in terms of "success" or "failure" in dating. Just getting out and meeting new people is the success! It's the journey. Meeting someone new, feeling that excitement, learning new things about yourself, discovering new places, these are supposed to be a point in and of themselves.
Yes, most dating isn't "successful" if you think of it in those terms; i.e. the overwhelming majority of people we date, we will not wind up married to or in a live-in LTR with, for example. Those latter examples will be the minority. But that's how dating is. Why do people not understand this simple fact? In fact, that's not only how dating is, it's WHAT dating is: going out, meeting someone, discovering. NOT ROI, not insta-wife or insta-husband.
I don't understand how other people view dating v. how I view it. Maybe I'm the weird one? I've had my share of horror stories (and comedies) just like everyone else and yet I still think of the process as the whole point. Oh well...I don't know.
I just feel bad for how people view this...like it's torture and agony and they "want to give up" and they "don't want to spend money," etc. Oh man.
Dating any one person was never ever meant to be a guarantee. Of anything. It was supposed to be fun and yes, funny-ness at times and yes, some disappointments but overall, a journey. Its own "point" all by itself. Then eventually you come upon that one person who does "it" for you and for whom you do "it" and that's your LTR and possibly marriage if that's your ultimate overall life's goal (or one of them).
I just don't get it. I really am starting to think I'm just a weirdo in this department.
I feel sad that the whole process of dating can't seem fun to people. It really is supposed to be fun. Everybody seems to think in terms of "success" or "failure" in dating. Just getting out and meeting new people is the success! It's the journey. Meeting someone new, feeling that excitement, learning new things about yourself, discovering new places, these are supposed to be a point in and of themselves.
Yes, most dating isn't "successful" if you think of it in those terms; i.e. the overwhelming majority of people we date, we will not wind up married to or in a live-in LTR with, for example. Those latter examples will be the minority. But that's how dating is. Why do people not understand this simple fact? In fact, that's not only how dating is, it's WHAT dating is: going out, meeting someone, discovering. NOT ROI, not insta-wife or insta-husband.
I don't understand how other people view dating v. how I date it. Maybe I'm the weird one? I've had my share of horror stories (and comedies) just like everyone else and yet I still think of the process as the whole point. Oh well...I don't know.
I just feel bad for how people view this...like it's torture and agony and they "want to give up" and they "don't want to spend money," etc. Oh man.
Dating any one person was never ever meant to be a guarantee. Of anything. It was supposed to be fun and yes, funny-ness at times and yes, some disappointments but overall, a journey. Its own "point" all by itself. Then eventually you come upon that one person who does "it" for you and for whom you do "it" and that's your LTR and possibly marriage if that's your ultimate overall life's goal (or one of them).
I just don't get it. I really am starting to think I'm just a weirdo in this department.
No it has nothing to do with being weird it has to do with being different. People are different, different experiences and different temperaments. Not everyone is social and looking forward to meeting people. Some people can not handle being judged, ridiculed and rejected. Some people are not meant for dating and relationships like many of the people here.
I am starting to think that it is a generational difference. With technology like the internet, video games and porn a person could literally go days without talking to another person face to face.
I am starting to think that it is a generational difference. With technology like the internet, video games and porn a person could literally go days without talking to another person face to face.
There's probably a lot of truth to this. In these days of self-indulgent, instant satisfaction, actually getting to know people and forming relationships with them would probably seem anti-climactic to a lot of people.
I am starting to think that it is a generational difference. With technology like the internet, video games and porn a person could literally go days without talking to another person face to face.
Of course it's generational differences. That's a huge factor behind tons of "disputes" in this particular sub forum, things are changing and that usually divides people in certain camps. I've worked a lot at accepting that young people just do things differently than when I was growing up, or at least when I read and hear some of the oddest things I have to step back and realize that more than likely it 'just how things are done now' and stop fighting it so much.
In terms of technology, I have either the advantage or disadvantage depending on how you look at it of being around before and after the technology boom of the last 20 yrs. The internet really sort of started to take off for the average person in the mid 90's and a few years later it was bam, everyone was online and that sparked a tons of other tech advances.
I've been an early adopter for 20 plus yrs now, and I think that as you've laid out, changing social norms, technology, including much easier access to porn and it seems like young people would rather just plug in and not deal as much with all of the typical "courting" gestures... meh.. IDK...
Tech is cool, but it's most certainly a double edged sword for sure, too many choices, too short of attention spans, too much instant gratification, these things at their very core aren't always the best for us as people, not in a "chicken little" the world is crumbling way, but in very small steps that continuously degrade us and we get further and further away from each other, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Last edited by Chowhound; 03-17-2016 at 11:20 AM..
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