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The purpose of dating is TO find out if you are looking for the same things.
If you have concerns or questions, ask away.
You can't read minds, if you could you would already have your answers.
You have two options:
Invest a ton of time observing and baiting the other to seek answers you need for yourself.
Or
Opening a dialogue between the two of you to examine each other's desires and needs and long term goals and expectations.
She probably is too...personally, I don't think this is a good idea. She'll think you're uber-serious, asking by the second date whether she "wants something serious" and then saying it's because you don't. That almost sounds like backpedaling to me. It sounds like a very very intense guy, maybe a little too intense.
This is a VERY good point, and why, if you do bring it up, the phrasing is important. Definitely do NOT start with "are you looking for something serious"? As for what you should say, others have given good suggestions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Just how I would take it, I'm not everywoman or anything...but since you are just dating and haven't asked for exclusivity, well then, I'd be surprised if she thought you were looking for anything else at this stage of the game, personally.
In my experience, this would be an unsafe assumption. Just IME, though.
She probably is too...personally, I don't think this is a good idea. She'll think you're uber-serious, asking by the second date whether she "wants something serious" and then saying it's because you don't. That almost sounds like backpedaling to me. It sounds like a very very intense guy, maybe a little too intense.
Just how I would take it, I'm not everywoman or anything...but since you are just dating and haven't asked for exclusivity, well then, I'd be surprised if she thought you were looking for anything else at this stage of the game, personally.
For me I onky date for the purpose of finding a relationship that will lead to marriage. So if marriage is not your end game, please tell me immediately. Preferably before I waste even a moment of my time meeting.
Of course others think dating is fun. I loathe it. Let's skip that part and just decide if we are doing this or not.
Why don't YOU just tell her that you want to date around and don't want anything serious, instead of asking her what she wants? Why not just be up front and honest about your intentions?
So, tell her that. Don't fudge it by "asking what she wants". Have a conversation with her and be upfront with what you want at this point. Straightforward communication now might very well prevent a lot of drama down the road.
I agree. If you ask her, she'll have to guess what you are going to say, and then it will be awkward. And then give her a chance by letting her know what that looks like.
For example: I had someone I thought was a friend with benefits. One night it was late and I was tired so I wanted to sleep over. he hemmed and hawed and eventually told me he didn't want me to sleep over. I said okay and headed home. I really didn't have a problem with it, other than the minor inconvenience of going home on a cold night. Never heard from him again.
So it seemed to me that in his mind, sleeping over was somehow too much like a relationship. To me, it totally wasn't. I was happy with just the sex. Don't know why he didn't just say so. Or ask me, or find some other way to communicate.
I've got other examples where guys who didn't want an LTR interpreted something I said or did as me pushing for an LTR, when that was not the case. I think sometimes guys are just paranoid.
The purpose of dating is TO find out if you are looking for the same things.
If you have concerns or questions, ask away.
You can't read minds, if you could you would already have your answers.
You have two options:
Invest a ton of time observing and baiting the other to seek answers you need for yourself.
Or
Opening a dialogue between the two of you to examine each other's desires and needs and long term goals and expectations.
Great post! Why should the onus be on her to tell you what she wants? You already know you're not wanting something serious, so tell her that so she isn't wondering or hoping for more.
I had a date Saturday Night and really had a good time to be honest. Right now I'm just looking to date around. the girl I went with seemed that she really wanted something serious and fast from the vibe I picked up.
She texted me yesterday saying she had a great time and wants to see me again
I'd like to see her but don't want to lead her on if we aren't wanting the same thing.
Would it be ok to ask her what she's looking for? If she is wanting something serious right away?
I think not only would it be okay, it would be appropriate. The best thing you can do is be up front and honest with her right away.
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