When is it time to call it quits? (married, older, family)

[blind spot]

Surely you can share an apartment or rent a room in someone else's house for $400 a month. I would move out so you can focus on your studies. If she's still allowing her ex to have this much control over her after ten years that isn't going to change just because you're around...it probably won't ever change.

Just deal with the crappy apartment for a year or two and finish school and then you can resume your life. The worst thing you can do is quit school. Just tough it out...I bet some of your school related stress will go away once you're in a peaceful house.

[jrt1979]

Originally Posted by CSD610

Lay down the law in *HER* house? That's a laugh, he is the one who appears to not be able to handle school full time and work full time like many other adults have done for years. He needs her, her money and her place much more than she needs him. This is all besides the fact that she is an adult and does not need to ask his permission about anything.......

You always here about these people that "worked" their way through college; however, the truth is that you've probably never met anyone that worked 40 yours a week that went to school full time while completing a difficult degree like engineering or economics. Well, at least one that didn't crash and burn anyhow. The fact that you believe a normal person can do this is kinda cute.

Furthermore, I don't "need" her money. I simply share a condo with her that we split the bills to 50/50. Here name just happens to be on the thing. Yes, it's a pretty good deal, but if I actually "needed" to be there, I obviously wouldn't be contemplating leaving while on the home stretch of completing my degree.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by jrt1979

You always here about these people that "worked" their way through college; however, the truth is that you've probably never met anyone that worked 40 yours a week that went to school full time while completing a difficult degree like engineering or economics. Well, at least one that didn't crash and burn anyhow. The fact that you believe a normal person can do this is kinda cute.

I did it during grad school at UW Madison. Lots of people do. There is no choice in the matter. I've known many a law and MBA student to do it as well.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by jrt1979

Multiple times, and she'll freely admit that she takes her frustrations out on me. The whole "putting her in her place" is essentially me calling her out on it. She'll apologize and promises to lay off me, but after a few days she just seems to go right back into the routine. Her ex is poison to our relationship, and unfortunately, she doesn't know how to handle a bully. She takes my kindness for weakness until I decide to say NO MORE. She would never talk to her ex the way she talks to me because ultimately she fears him IMO. Not physically, but she fears the mental abuse that she suffered for many years. I don't get it. It reminds me of how my brother used to get picked on as a kid, while I would stand there and yell "hit that motherf***er in the mouth. I just don't get it. I can almost guarantee that her ex when facing a confident adult male would be like a deer in the headlights. He's just begging to be made an example of, but he has her and others convinced that he's this crazy guy. I don't buy it at all, as he wouldn't be where he is in life if he were truly as crazy as he tries to come off as. He's nothing more than a bully, and while I would never get in a physical altercation outside of self defense at my age, I would introduce this POS to the legal system so fast it would make his head spin if she were OK with it. He somehow has her convinced that the deck is in his hands when in all reality, if she wanted to play hardball, your typical ball busting judge would call this jerk "boy" for 45 minutes while he got financially raped. she doesn't know how the system works, but I do, which is what makes this so hard to watch.

She could totally slay the dragon at any time, but the the Dragon is using the Jedi mind trick on her and has be doing so for over 10 years. She's got it all laid out, but now she needs to execute. I think she finally does it, but I can't believe it's taken this long. Where do these worthless narcissistic manipulating men come from? Almost every man I know has had to deal with one of the butt-heads at some point in their dating life.

Then perhaps you two just aren't right for each other.

[YAZ]

All good relationships take a lot of hard work and effort to be successful. There will be many ups and downs that both folks will battle. Outside influences will never go away; much more important to concentrate on what's going on under your roof.


While we hear & cheer about successful relationships, I think it's equally important to learn from failed ones.


My ex-wife left our marriage 2.5 years BEFORE we divorced. I knew it and I felt it. I hung on for fiscal reasons and the plain simple truth that I didn't want to go through the changes that are part of the divorce program.


Change is hard.


During the two + years of HELL, I tuned out. That was my defense mechanism. She hung on half heartedly as well, until she met someone else. I found out later that her new love interest wasn't something that "just happened." The woman that I was married to was on an online dating site for Pete's sake. She and her lover had a plan to live together three months BEFORE she announced her intentions to divorce.


I prolonged my agony by tuning out, with a faint sense of hope that things would change for the better. My advice to anyone is to give 100% in a relationship or walk away.

[rego00123]

When you start asking yourself why it feels the way you described...
If you're feeling it, it's because it is

How it got their or who caused what doesn't matter

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by jrt1979

There has to be some people that have been in similar situations on here. What would you do? What did you do?

Throw me a bone here people.........

1. rent a room for $400.
2. work full time and take less classes.




I work full time and take 3 classes (Masters Degree in HR). It works. My job is not very demanding though. I also have finished my bachelors degree in legal assisting last year (quite difficult because English is my second language). If I can do it, you can do it, too with the right attitude. Put your hobbies aside for a while.


You have gotten away with paying only $400 for a while which is very rare.


I know a lot of foreigners who came into this country and worked full time and became engineers or lawyers (mostly Asians and Europeans). They graduated with no debt. It works. You just need to be willing to focus 100% on it.

[jrt1979]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

1. rent a room for $400.
2. work full time and take less classes.




I work full time and take 3 classes (Masters Degree in HR). It works. My job is not very demanding though. I also have finished my bachelors degree in legal assisting last year (quite difficult because English is my second language). If I can do it, you can do it, too with the right attitude. Put your hobbies aside for a while.


You have gotten away with paying only $400 for a while which is very rare.


I know a lot of foreigners who came into this country and worked full time and became engineers or lawyers (mostly Asians and Europeans). They graduated with no debt. It works. You just need to be willing to focus 100% on it.

I think I might have been able to do it when I was younger, but I would crash and burn while working full time and taking 3 business classes at the same time these days. I know it's possible, as you do hear about people getting their masters this way, or you get those socially awkward kids with no social life that will power threw a difficult degree while working full time. I just think we hear a lot more about "working your way through college" a lot more than it really happens (particularly on the Internet).

If I worked and went to school full time this would be my life for a the next 16 months minus summer, which I'm only taking 1 class.

Wake up around 6 or 7 am

drive half an hour to the university.

attend 3 classes with about 2 hours study time between, before or after said classes.

drive half an hour to work.

spend 8.5 hours dealing with angry people that my company ripped off, while trying to hit metrics that aren't possible, which are set by an and evil supervisor that takes cymbalta for her anxiety disorder and is also going through menopause.

drive half an hour back home.

sit down and eat something. Relax for about 20 minutes.

spend about 3-4 hours staring at graphs and numbers.

it is now about 1 in the morning

Cry myself to sleep

repeat process until the weekend, where I can play catch up and study for quizzes the following week.

If you can do this, you're a better man/woman than me. I have a ton of respect for anyone that does this more than a semester or two.

[oh-eve]

No pain no gain.


If it would be so easy, everybody would have a degree.
Just imagine all those people who have children and go to college, this is really tough!


I don't want to be mean, I totally understand your point.


But it seems like you cannot have it all so the way to make sacrifices is to take less classes or live cheaper.

[rcsteiner]

Originally Posted by YAZ

My advice to anyone is to give 100% in a relationship or walk away.

Yup. I strongly agree.

By the way, I knew a YAZ a long time ago before the Web was a big thing.