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Once again, I chose to keep my options open and try online dating.
I hadn't used an online dating website since 2014 after a bunch of major failures, so I was a bit wary when going back.
I met a fairly decent guy and we've been talking for about a week now. We have more than a lot in common and he's quite attractive, but something about him makes me uncomfortable because he seem "clingy".
Here are a few examples:
- He sends me a message in the morning and at night as soon as he's off work.
I don't have much time to reply both in the morning and at night, just to talk about my life. It's time consuming. His messages look like letter. He also wanted to give me his phone number, but I have a feeling he'd text me all day. I can't afford to lose concentration during day time over trivial chit chat.
- He stated XYZ as his city on his profile. After a few messages, he admitted he actually works in the city two days a week and spends the rest of his week in another city where he actually lives.
- He sent me a message saying "I thought about you all day". It's nice and all, but we haven't met up yet. He may have crossed my mind once, but that's about it. This part really freaked me out.
- He started asking me stuff about romance (as in literally asking me "do you like romance?"), whether or not I like flowers, walks along the beach blah blah blah. The whole smooth talker deal.
- He sometimes says stuff like: I'm afraid you'd be mad at me or I couldn't sleep because I thought you were mad at me.
Dude, we don't even know each other, so calm down.
He's a lawyer, so either he's super naive or a major player. He reminds me a bit of myself 4 years ago when I was inexperienced and I acted the exact same way towards another guy (except I never told him, I thought of you all day, or asked him about romance or even asked him if he was mad at me though it crossed my mind). I was extremely insecure at the time, so he definitely reminds me of the person I was then.
Regardless of whether or not he's a player, he seems like the clingy type. I want to meet someone but not the kind who would text me all day everyday and get scared I'm mad at them if I don't respond. I need my freedom. I can't deal with someone's insecurities.
He definitely seems like the type who would drain my energy fairly quickly.
He suggested dinner next week, but I opted for an art gallery visit because dinner is cliche. Now, his behavior is making me question whether or not I should meet up with him? I don't want to waste my time to be honest. If anything, I'm a satisfied single, but I wanted to keep my options open because you never know!
Should I drop him and cancel our date altogether? We have a lot in common, but I'm afraid I'm walking down a sloppery path with this guy who may prove to be either a player or overly clingy. I haven't been tried dating in two years, so I really don't want to end up in a messy situation again after all the work I did on myself.
He just sent me a message saying: (because I haven't replied to the message he sent me yesterday at 11pm)
'I don't want to be disrespectful to you so please give me the same respect. Are you moving on from me? I don't mind but please be honest me with me; like I would be with you. Let me know either way. thanks.'
This is what I got. Lord. He needs to seriously calm down.
I have a life, damn. I may read the message but not reply right away. Lord, I have other stuff going on. What's wrong with him? If he were a lawyer, he'd understand!
How do I let him down gently? He's already suffucating me. I don't want to disappear because he'll annoy me, so I want to cut him off in a straight forward manner.
Last edited by LostinPhilly; 04-22-2016 at 05:00 PM..
Just tell him you don't think the 2 of you are compatible. Which is simple and true. If he asks for clarification, just say he seems to want more attention and time than what you are ok with right now.
Honestly, only you can really process this information and decide what's best for YOU.
I think other people's opinions are just going to mess with your head and confuse you.
Yeah, but from an external point of view, he sounds toxic/stage A clinger right? He might very well be a nice fella, but these are red flags one needs to be aware of. This is definitely the kind of guy who would be so possessive as to make you suffocate.
If he is making you feel uncomfortable, I would say that is a red flag. Listen to your gut.
Cat
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