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Keep the children out of this, no children should grow up seeing their parents go through this, including your step-children, where else are you two going to live if you don't have a roof over yourselves, you guys got children so raise them correctly and don't let them live outside on the streets in poverty, if you can afford to buy a house do it, don't wait until your boyfriends situation with his ex ends.
You have a point. I guess I was just thinking of my own boyfriend. I would include him if I were house hunting because I value his opinion. But then again how I invest my money isn't something he would feel threatened by. I can see where another man might feel as you are saying. So it's a good point.
Is your boyfriend divorced with children and his financial status still in limbo with his ex wife and their tangled mess? I'm not saying another man is feeling threatened by her intention to purchase a home.
I am saying so far he can't get his own life straightened and cut off from his ex wife with the exception of issues with their children. The original poster must consider herself and her children alone when purchasing a home and honestly if it were me I would have already walked away and told him to call when he is done with all the mess with his ex wive then we'll talk.
When I was single and had my own place no one but me and the landlord had a key to my home no matter how long we had been dating. If I had bought a home at that time no one would have a key or be moving into that home unless we were married and no financial anything would have been mixed either.
Too many tangles and webs when things don't work out long term as planned.
This is just me, but I would never cut my boyfriend out of a major life decision. I'm not saying that he would get an equal say in anything but I guess I just view relationships differently. To me, we are partners. I wouldn't deliberately leave him out of my life.
I don't consider a boyfriend a partner. A husband? Yes. Not a boyfriend. Not enough to purchase a home with, at any rate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
No reason the OP has to deal with that crap. That's HIS deal. I would never get legally and financially tied to someone with such a sh1tstorm going on.
I agree. Especially since the OP has her life together enough to buy a home on her own. Not an easy feat on one income.
And she seems good with money. So, she has her financial house in order he does not.
And if the ex wife is putting him through the paces now, it will only get worse - especially if he moves in with another woman.
When I was single and had my own place no one but me and the landlord had a key to my home no matter how long we had been dating. If I had bought a home at that time no one would have a key or be moving into that home unless we were married and no financial anything would have been mixed either.
Too many tangles and webs when things don't work out long term as planned.
Because this is the way you chose to do things, it's the right way?
Though, really, I don't think that anyone here is suggesting anything other than they would not go out and purchase a home (or make another major life decision) without including their partner, in one way or another.
My prior partner purchased two homes when we were together. Literally, I would have had a "WTF" moment if he had not included me in the process. Taking me to see potential properties, asking me what I thought of them- that sort of thing. Asking what someone else thinks of a home you (general "you") are thinking of buying doesn't mean anything other than you value their input. If, especially after a year and a half of dating, my partner came to me and said, "honey, I'm going to buy a house, but this is my thing and I don't want or need any input from you", it would demonstrate to me, in no uncertain terms, that my opinions mean jack to him and would most likely mean the end of the relationship.
My suggestion would be start off by saying that you are not putting any pressure on him and that you are really happy with the relationship - and then tell him that you would really like to buy a house now, and that you are thinking of buying a house for yourself and your children. Be as honest with him as you can. Relationships are built on honesty and communication. Now, this doesn't mean that he's going to take it well or that there won't be misunderstandings - but if you two are really right for each other and meant to make it in the long run - you will be able to work through this in a way that you are both okay with.
I agree with Dew. I also think I'd include him, not as a decisionmaker, but to get his input and make him feel part of what's happening. Foreclosures and bank-owned properties can have major flaws, and an extra set of eyes (and a more objective opinion, one that is not so excited to buy that first home) can really help.
Buy the house yourself. Make it fit your needs, he can't and ant ready yet. He may never be. It's not like he is going to fall into a bucket of money and get away with it as long as his Ex. has anything to do with it.
If he's worth all that goes with him, you can still make something work.....maybe. Good Luck with that.
Is your boyfriend divorced with children and his financial status still in limbo with his ex wife and their tangled mess? I'm not saying another man is feeling threatened by her intention to purchase a home.
I am saying so far he can't get his own life straightened and cut off from his ex wife with the exception of issues with their children. The original poster must consider herself and her children alone when purchasing a home and honestly if it were me I would have already walked away and told him to call when he is done with all the mess with his ex wive then we'll talk.
When I was single and had my own place no one but me and the landlord had a key to my home no matter how long we had been dating. If I had bought a home at that time no one would have a key or be moving into that home unless we were married and no financial anything would have been mixed either.
Too many tangles and webs when things don't work out long term as planned.
Actually he is divorced with kids, but his divorce is pretty much settled. Like I said, I was just putting myself in the OPs place. I didn't really think it through that her boyfriend had some challenges mine doesn't. And I admitted as much.
But I agree and said the the OP should consider her house hunt separate from the relationship in that she should stay to her original plan to buy a house. Her relationship isn't permanent enough to rest major decisions on.
I agree with Dew. I also think I'd include him, not as a decisionmaker, but to get his input and make him feel part of what's happening. Foreclosures and bank-owned properties can have major flaws, and an extra set of eyes (and a more objective opinion, one that is not so excited to buy that first home) can really help.
Why? There is not one good reason to include him in the house hunt which runs a very high risk of giving him the impression/idea that they are house hunting for *them* which includes him and his children.
If the original poster includes him in the hunt she runs a very high risk of being talked into a home that is big enough for six that she cannot afford alone that will mingle their finances that will be lost if/when they break up.
She should focus on herself and her children and walk away from him until he gets all of his legal and financial issues settled with his ex wife.
If the original poster includes him in the hunt she runs a very high risk of being talked into a home that is big enough for six that she cannot afford alone that will mingle their finances that will be lost if/when they break up.
She certainly didn't come across to me as that weak willed in her postings...
She certainly didn't come across to me as that weak willed in her postings...
The fact that she is waiting on him to propose and doesn't know what to do about the house speaks volumes.
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