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So I met this guy online. He seems really nice. We exchanged numbers and were texting on and off for a few days. Randomly one night he decided to come and visit me at work. Now he lives almost 2hrs from me and I was surprised that he wanted to make that kind of drive just to meet me nothing else. I was with my ex for almost 12 yrs and he did not treat me that well so I am not use to guys being so nice.
Anyways, he drove down to meet me and we seemed to get along really well. After he left he asked if I was still interested in talking and I said yes. We planned on him coming down a few days later and he was going to cook me dinner. I really didn't think much of it other then that being a really sweet thing to do.
The day of this date I happened to be talking to one of my friends about it who happens to be a guy and he insisted that this guy was only doing this so he could get in my pants. That no guy would just come to a girls house and cook them dinner if they weren't expecting to get something in return. So I then started to have second thoughts about this guy and maybe he wasn't this great guy that I though he was.
The guy did come down and cooked me a really nice dinner. Everything was fine while he cooked and while we ate. But once we were done I kinda got nervous. He ended up leaving shortly after and I text him to see if he got home ok. We chatted a little and he mentioned that I looked really uncomfortable and seemed like i was waiting for him to leave so that is why he left. I apologized about it and explained that I wasn't, that I just didn't know what to expect. I told him that I really enjoyed the dinner and everything and he told me not to apologize or worry about it. That was kind of the end of our conversation for the night.
I ended up texting him the following day. He did respond but I just got the feeling he was just responding to be nice. It's really hard to read people. especially through text. I did say that I felt bad about how things ended the night before and I wanted a chance to do it over if he was still game. He said ok and we talked a little and then that was it.
I decided that I would wait till he text me. It's been a day with no texts from him. I know we both have busy lives and stuff. I just don't know if i really blew it cause I got nervous or what. I guess time will tell, but I just get the feeling that he really isn't interested in meeting up again. I could be completely over analyzing this. I need some opinions.....
OK, be aware that some men are just after what they can get, but some men really want a girlfriend and they are willing to take it slow to make sure that the person is the right one.
My opinion is that not a lot of men will drive 2 hours and cook dinner if they're only interest is sex. They can cook dinner and try to trade dinner for sex a lot closer to home and save 4 hours of driving.
My advice is two-fold: first don't accuse a man of only wanting sex before he puts the moves on you. Second, if you really like this guy, play the honesty card. Tell him, "my friend said blah blah blah and I got spooked and got worried. You didn't behave badly and now I am sorry I hurt your feelings.". Maybe if he really likes you, he will see the humor in it and give you a second chance.
Veering a bit off topic, I personally don't think it is smart to invite a man you don't know into your home. It's better to meet a few times in a neutral place to get to know him a bit better. Maybe a weekend picnic in teh park, or art galleries, or whatever hobbies the both of you enjoy. It is jumping the gun a bit to have a strange man in your house cooking for you. This guy behaved well, but not all men do and the men who don't can be very charming until they aren't.
With someone you've only just met in person a few times, I not be having them in my home.
The normal thing to do is go OUT to a restaurant or other neutral and public location until you get to know them better. That way you're not putting yourself in an uncomfortable and possibly dangerous situation.
For the record, I think it's creepy that he drove 2 hours to surprise you at work when you'd never met in person before. Pretty much every woman who was ever raped or murdered by someone they met online thought the guy seemed really nice.
The number one rule in online dating: You don't let them know where you live or work when you first met. Good grief, woman. What if you just decide you're no longer interested? He knows where you live and work and he can stalk the hell out of you. OMG
For the record, I think it's creepy that he drove 2 hours to surprise you at work when you'd never met in person before.
Yeah, this would be a red flag for me. Don't forget the 2 hour drive back home too. 4 hours of driving in one day for an unplanned first meeting at your place of work? My instinct says he's coming on way too strong (not necessarily because he just wants to get in your pants though). Work isn't the ideal time or place to meet someone for the first time - what if you were too busy to talk to him? What if you weren't comfortable with what you were wearing/how you looked? What if you got in trouble with the boss for socializing while you're supposed to be working? The whole thing speaks of someone either trying to knock you off your guard (a surprise visit from someone you've never met before must have rattled you a little bit?) or having a complete lack of consideration for the situation it puts you in. It suggests he does what he wants, when he wants, with little to no consideration for other people's feelings/situation. Either way, alarm bells should be going off in your head, not necessarily because of what your friend said, but because he seems either inconsiderate or deliberately testing your boundaries, neither of which speak of a healthy individual.
Stop giving out your details to people you have never met! Your first date should always be in public. I wouldn't let someone I had just met cook for me. What if he drugged your food?There are so many things you don't know about this guy e.g. He could be married which is why he wants to date far away from home.
It's also very creepy that he decided to "surprise"you at work. I'm all for OLD but your safety should always remain at the forefront of your mind!
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