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Yeah, if he says, "no fat chicks." But if he says something like, "fitness is very important to me and I'm looking for someone to share that lifestyle," then that gets the point across without being a jag. Someone who's a couch potato would know to move along.
I don't see why anybody would think that it's effective to try to entice new dating partners with a chip-on-the-shoulder attitude, myself.
That said, I have one quibble:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikelee81
[b]Why do so many women feel it's necessary to point out that the child comes first which basically means you the man will come 3rd?
Because it is reality. I have a six-month old and am happily married and not dating, and I cannot even FATHOM being on the dating scene with a baby that young at home. There is simply no room left in my life, or in my energy stores, for the kind of attention dating takes up with an infant at home, and I wouldn't leave a baby that small with another caregiver so I could go out and date on the regular, personally. This is a baby that likely still needs to eat every three hours or so. I would personally wonder about somebody so anxious to date with what is still a very new baby. But if I were dating and had a small child, I feel like it should go without saying that one's children come first. But I guess there are people who legit don't get that, so some might feel, from experience, that they need to lead with that, if they have run across men who are unrealistic about the fact that the average single parent who's doing a good job of parenting is considering the children first and foremost.
A valid point, but all it really means for sure is that the person was physically involved with someone 16 months prior.
Which is going to be the case with many, many people you date, whether or not that involvement resulted in a pregnancy.
It means a hell of a lot more than that. Come on.
I'm not going to spread things evenly in the interest of political correctness. If someone has a 7 month old infant, the last thing on her mind should be dating.
And yes.. for a man too who has an infant... Because I know someone (not Tabula) is gonna get huffy.
I'm not going to spread things evenly in the interest of political correctness. If someone has a 7 month old infant, the last thing on her mind should be dating.
And yes.. for a man too who has an infant... Because I know someone (not Tabula) is gonna get huffy.
The child in question (not Tabula's, she's not even dating, but any given OLD person's child) doesn't have to be an infant in order to be the priority. Children don't stop being a parent's priority once they're weaned. This is going to be the case for many years.
Divorce does happen, you know. And yes, that's a choice. But let's be realistic rather than unilateral and judgmental (I know...it's tough...just bear with me a moment here). Say the parents get divorced when the child is six. Are they then expected not to date for the next twelve years?
It absolutely is a juggling act being a dating single parent. But the child coming first doesn't mean the SO gets no attention at all...so let's not exaggerate or go all hysterical here. The child is the priority, if the child is sick the date gets canceled...logistics like that. Surely this is not hard to understand nor does it have to be a choice between swinging from the chandeliers off to Vegas on a whim dating, or zero dates until the child is 18.
Are people being deliberately obtuse on this issue?
The parent is giving you the heads up that while she'd love to date you, she is LESS free to jump to do whatever, whenever than someone without a child...it's that simple.
I'm not going to spread things evenly in the interest of political correctness. If someone has a 7 month old infant, the last thing on her mind should be dating.
And yes.. for a man too who has an infant... Because I know someone (not Tabula) is gonna get huffy.
Oh, I totally agree with that, as mentioned in my earlier post. I have a six month old...getting through the day at this point pretty much takes all my mental energy. I don't have the time or energy to go grab a cup of coffee with my best friend, who knows and loves me, and who I am not having to impress, unless she comes to my house and does it while I do homework, clean, and feed an infant (not a complaint...just a reality of having a small human dependent upon you for literally everything). Carving out time to date, let along the energy to do so would not be feasible.
But that wasn't my point.
If a woman has a child, it seems judgmental to be like, "Whoa, where the hell did the dad go?" As if this reflects on the woman any more or less than if a spouse or SO exited the picture the same increment of time ago and there is no child in the picture. Would one ask "Whoa, where the hell did your ex-boyfriend go?" if a single woman with no children also had a previous relationship end, say, 16 months prior? Probably not.
I think the question would be, if this is the case, why would the woman be on a dating site?
It's understandable, as JerZ said, if it is a time constraint warning.
It isn't. JerZ keeps pushing the whole, "I'm trying to save them the trouble of wasting their time" bit, but consider which is more likely from the poster's perspective.
"No XYZ"
1) "People who are XYZ aren't going to be compatible with me, and I want to save them time and effort"
2) "I don't want to receive messages from XYZ"
She would have you believe that it's the first option. It's not. (aside from the limited correlation between both options, and I'd submit that if someone sticks to that, then they're being deliberately obtuse) You can see the difference on other profiles. There's a couple of posters here that do it quite well, though I wouldn't want to single them out unless I knew it'd be ok with them.
You see phrasing close to the first option when it comes to the things they're actively looking FOR (similar views, hobbies, etc.), not the things they're looking to AVOID. That list often comes in the form of the checklist "warnings" that we so frequently see either a) under the deluded impression that it will somehow dissuade said demographic from messaging them or b) to give themselves a feeling of empowerment when writing said profile.
With the comments I have seen on this thread I will not be using online dating ever in my life. I see a lot bitterness and anger from some of these posts and I'd rather keep my sanity.
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