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"She lives from paycheck to paycheck and has 50 dollars only in her bank account right now."
Dude- on that ALONE you should put off marrying her. How is she even supporting herself?
Ask if she would take a financial literacy/planning course with you. Maybe she is clueless but willing to learn. Then wait and watch for a half year or year and see if she can handle her own money.
Premarital counseling before engagement would be good too (I know...BEFORE engagement? Yep - sounds totally unromantic, put much less so than a prenup...and if there's no ring and a date, then it much less messy to part ways if you discover this is a bad idea). The counseling can cover a lot of areas of marriage, including views on marital roles and the handling of finances).
Think about this...even if she signed a prenup, that doesn't mean she'll be delightful in handling marital finances with you. No fun coming home to find out she's not been paying the mortgage for six months and you're being foreclosed on. Divorce with or without a prenup won't solve that, nor does a prenup mean you won't be fighting in front of the children about money and then divorcing and breaking up a family.
Counseling and lots of it-not a prenup.
BTW - Not to diss your gal, but she sounds a bit immature to me (the ultimatum, "not bringing kids into it," etc.) Do you really want to deal with this until you die? You you really want this woman to be the hypothetical mother to your hypothetical children?
Well I thought maybe a pre-nup would be just as important as counseling, now that you mention it. Well I guess I feel like maybe I am putting too much weight on the prenup. It was said earlier that I shouldn't get a prenup, cause I am being too self entitled, like I have a lot of money, when I don't.
Am I being too self entitled? If your fiance said that they would not sign one, would that be enough of a reason for you to leave your fiance, or am I being too self entitled?
I guess it's also hard for me to accept cause the relationship is really great, other than this one problem that came up. I feel like maybe I am being too picky, constantly waiting for ms. perfect, when their is no ms. perfect.
Heck, people I know marry spouses with flaws too, so I feel like I may be being too picky, when one loves someone.
So if I only have 200K, you are saying that I should not want to protect some of it, and that I am being too 'self-righteous' for doing so?
Why are prenups only for rich people?
Because pre-marital assets don't count in pre-nups. Furthermore, if you're going to buy a house for your FAMILY, that includes your wife. Selfish of you to want to buy a house and then move her in like she's a tenant. That is not marriage. That is a business arrangement, and you are dooming your marriage to failure right off the bat.
You are not ready for marriage at all, and no, it is not a great relationship. If anything, you need some counseling to figure out why you think it's appropriate to start talking marriage with someone you barely even know, and why you have this paranoia that every woman is out to get your little $200K. It's NOT a lot of money by any stretch of the imagination. One kid and it's gone--to the kid, for college tuition. End of story, end of discussion.
I think people make way too big a deal out of a pre nup. My husband and I both signed them, for different reasons. And neither one of us was throwing up about it. Having kids should have nothing to do with this, if you split up it wouldn't affect child support etc. It's protecting your assets, should something happen down the road, that is all. I wouldn't marry her. Sounds like a lot of drama, throwing up, saying won't have kids, etc etc. I have quite a few men friends who have been taken to the cleaners in a divorce. Everyone says that would never be them, that they would always be reasonable, but that is so not the case a lot of the time.
Well I thought maybe a pre-nup would be just as important as counseling, now that you mention it. Well I guess I feel like maybe I am putting too much weight on the prenup. It was said earlier that I shouldn't get a prenup, cause I am being too self entitled, like I have a lot of money, when I don't.
Am I being too self entitled? If your fiance said that they would not sign one, would that be enough of a reason for you to leave your fiance, or am I being too self entitled?
I guess it's also hard for me to accept cause the relationship is really great, other than this one problem that came up. I feel like maybe I am being too picky, constantly waiting for ms. perfect, when their is no ms. perfect.
Heck, people I know marry spouses with flaws too, so I feel like I may be being too picky, when one loves someone.
Are you sure this is the woman that you want to spend everyday for the rest of your life with? Besides the prenup - it just doesn't sound like you are really sure about her. If you aren't sure about her - why do you want to marry her?
Are you sure this is the woman that you want to spend everyday for the rest of your life with? Besides the prenup - it just doesn't sound like you are really sure about her. If you aren't sure about her - why do you want to marry her?
Yep. It goes back to the question that no one seems to be willing or able to answer. What do people who feel the need to protect themselves from their future spouses want to get married for in the first place? What benefits would marriage confer on them that simply living together would not, in this day and age with all the partner benefits, powers of attorney, and other documentation that would give a live-in partner the same legal rights and benefits as a spouse?
Maybe I missed it, but I have yet to see anyone answer that question, on this thread or the other. There is no law saying one has to marry. So why marry at all, then? What's the big deal? If the pre-nup is just a piece of paper they really don't think they'll need, then why isn't a marriage license?
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I someone putting pressure on you to get married? This is your second or third fiancee in 6 months.
One wonders, indeed.
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