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What, specifically, do you hope to gain by telling her how you feel?
Despite what he says about there being zero chance of a positive reaction, he really thinks there is a chance she is into him.
@OP... save what little self respect you have remaining and tell her that you can not be her friend anymore because you are attracted to her. Telling her and letting her decide what to do will just result in further destruction of your mental health.
Probably too late, the OP most likely already made up his mind and will pour out his heart to the girl (if not already).
Like I always say, people who have 'relationship' issues and questions, come here not so much for true advice, but more to vent out and seek those who agree with their line of thought.
Hence, people can tell guys like the OP to let it go, don't do it, etc., until they are blue in the face, but won't change the OP's mind.
Staying in friends level meanwhile suffering is not a good deal either. Unrequited love eats a person in the long run more than old good cold slap. If she or he does not get a slap-disease which would mean she or he would take sadistic advantage of reminding why wooer is not good enough and why relationship is not possible.
Of course wooer should not become vengeful either for being rejected.
I tried that many times. As an example: We went to Paris last year and I prepared a table in a nice restaurant, bought a small gift for her and tickets for a really expensive musical show with champagne and all the stuff as a surprise. To be honest it was nothing a normal friend would do, it was more like something that you would do when you want to ask her if she wants to marry you. So it must have been kinda obvious what I was trying to tell her and I told myself that I will stop after this weekend if I still get no respond. I mean she is absolutely not the romantic type of girl and probably pretty "blind" in this regard, but at least I made it super easy for her to make a step if she wanted.
Anyways, I was obviously not able to stop.
I also tried to just treat her normally, just like a friend. Not looking too much at her, not compliment her, not making gifts, overall less attention for her. It just made me feel worse and in an extreme way so I couldn't stand this for a single day every time I tried. I rather keep trying than forcing me to stop, because it hurts much more at the moment.
Withdraw from this friendship is not an option. I value her way too much as a friend and I still would after a 'no'. Beside of that a 'no' would not make me mad about her, because I have already accepted this answer (at least I think so) since I think it is almost certain...
What you interpret as romantic, might be interpreted as just being nice by the other person. I know in the above situation, my younger self would have just thought "isn't he a good friend. I must do something nice for him next time". Unless you actually admit to having feelings for me, I would interpret everything as just being friendly. Your friend might think like me.
As for sharing a room/bed, it's not really a big deal between friends. Hell, i'ld sleep in the same bed as my male friends & not expect anything to happen because they are like brothers to me.
Like others have said, friend zone is a killer. You can tell her how you feel, but do so with the expectation that she won't feel the same way & things will be awkward between the 2 of you for a while. In fact, you might lose a friend.
Thanks for all the replies so far, helps a lot to hear all your opinions.
Some statements / clarifications:
- Regarding her dislike of physical closeness: I am 100% not the guy who would ever try to touch her to get her into bed or something like that. That never happened and never will and she knows that. I know her very well and it is a real "problem" she has and already had in the past with her boyfriends. It's not just to keep me away.
- Confessing my love to her is not about being romantic or about the hope that she says yes. Of course that would be the best thing in my life, but realistically I think I know her well enough to say that my chances are like 1:1.000.000 and I am okay with that. I already had enough time to accept this as good as possible so I am prepared for a 'no'.
Even tho I am certain that it will be a 'no' there is always this 0.1% chance that drives me insane for stupid reasons... And if she finds a new boyfriend it would be unbearable for me if I couldn't say that I truly did everything I could.
I just don't see any other escape from this. I tried to tell myself plenty times to accept what I already know and it didn't work. And withdrawing from this friendship without giving a reason sounds unfair to me. I wouldn't want this if it were the other way around and I am pretty sure that she would not end this friendship because of that. I mean I did not steal from her or killed her grandma, right? I just fell in love and know that she probably doesn't feel the same and just want to get some weight off my shoulders and that is exactly what I want to tell her.
I'm not planning to force her into a "romantic situation" to tell her my feelings in hope of a Hollywood like miracle. What I would do is to tell her in a relaxed (at least for her) situation what I feel, that I know that she probably doesn't feel the same but that I just can't move forward without being honest to her, because she already knows that something is depressing me since it's hard to completly hide it from her every single day.
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