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I have been with my husband for almost 9 years married 3. We have a very active sex life (4-5 times a week usually weekends). I stayed home 3 days to have sex with him this week. I knew my husband watched a lot of porn, but never thought it was everyday. In the last month I have caught him on several occasions. I have come home earlier from work or I'd go out to the store to quickly pick up food. He knows I could be home any minute, however still takes the chance that I'll catch him.We fought for 4 days last week about this whole mess. I told him it was his porn or our marriage. He begged me for another chance. He recently asked me if it was all right for him to look and not touch himself. Today he failed after a week of looking and not touching. I know they say the sins of the father are revisited upon the children. My father-in-law can't hold a relationship because he treats his girlfriends like sex slaves and watches porn each night (after all he in't married). He knows I look at his computer (yes I have my own). Tonight was surprised I found a bunch of cheating porns through pornhub-he has the site marked. Pretty much spouses cheating on their partners. Should I be worried? He usually watches asian women or double oral sex (two women on one man). He has never given me ANY indication that he would cheat. I'm 39 he's 30. I've had several relationships. He's had 3. I'm the 3rd. I am also the bread winner. Any advice would be good.
This is without a doubt a bigger problem than any of us can solve. Porn addiction is like any other addiction, alcohol problem, etc... He's displaying classic addict behavior - hiding it, bargaining, etc...
You don't say how old you are. If he's a young man, its very possible that he would really like it at least once a day or maybe more. I've heard of couples who have as much as 3 times a day. Instead of asking us about your concerns, it might be better to ask your husband. Tell him to be completely honest, and let him be honest without getting an emotional reaction from you, or condemnation. Wanting a lot of sex, more than normal is not an addiction or sick. He just might want a lot more sex than the average guy. Some women have a similar problem. They get labelled Nimpho's but I think its wrong to condemn men or women just because they are not average or want more than the average person. Some people, even some young people are not much interested in sex. They're different, but again, shouldn't be labeled nuts or crazy because they're different.
Its too bad its not OK in our society to be more open in discussing sex. It might prevent a lot of bad marriages from ever getting started.
OP, was your hubs exposed to porn as a child, by his dad? And I don't mean a teen, I mean a child? Some dads expose their smaller children to porn, thinking it's cool, or something, but it can be a very negative experience for a young kid not equipped to process it. It can be like when girls get molested as a pre-teen or teen; they grow up hyper-sexualized, and think their whole value as a person is tied up with sex.
Your husband may need therapy for that. Just a hunch. If he answers yes to my opening question up there, try to be understanding, and suggest he get help. Ask him what his feelings about it were at the time, and let him talk it out a bit.
Or maybe he's a garden-variety porn addict. But in view of what you said about his father, it would be worth checking out to see if there might be some childhood issues there. If there are, he may not be entirely in control of his compulsion.
I have been with my husband for almost 9 years married 3. We have a very active sex life (4-5 times a week usually weekends). I stayed home 3 days to have sex with him this week. I knew my husband watched a lot of porn, but never thought it was everyday. In the last month I have caught him on several occasions. I have come home earlier from work or I'd go out to the store to quickly pick up food. He knows I could be home any minute, however still takes the chance that I'll catch him.We fought for 4 days last week about this whole mess. I told him it was his porn or our marriage. He begged me for another chance. He recently asked me if it was all right for him to look and not touch himself. Today he failed after a week of looking and not touching. I know they say the sins of the father are revisited upon the children. My father-in-law can't hold a relationship because he treats his girlfriends like sex slaves and watches porn each night (after all he in't married). He knows I look at his computer (yes I have my own). Tonight was surprised I found a bunch of cheating porns through pornhub-he has the site marked. Pretty much spouses cheating on their partners. Should I be worried? He usually watches asian women or double oral sex (two women on one man). He has never given me ANY indication that he would cheat. I'm 39 he's 30. I've had several relationships. He's had 3. I'm the 3rd. I am also the bread winner. Any advice would be good.
Yeah, he's minutes away from cheating. If you don't spice it up, someone else will. Just a fact. The heart wants what the heart wants. That may be true for women but for men, the **** wants what the **** isn't getting. Capiche? I'll let everyone sugar coat it now and get back to the Alan Alda school of sensitivity.
Yeah, he's minutes away from cheating. If you don't spice it up, someone else will. Just a fact. The heart wants what the heart wants. That may be true for women but for men, the **** wants what the **** isn't getting. Capiche? I'll let everyone sugar coat it now and get back to the Alan Alda school of sensitivity.
Just sayin'
If he works from home every day, which he seems to, he doesn't have anyone to cheat with. And she has been spicing it up; she took a week off from work for him, so they could have fun. The (multiple asterisks) is getting plenty. This is about addiction, not an avoidant wife, or whatever.
He's got a messed-up template from his father vis-a-vis relationships. His behavior isn't necessarily predictive of anything. You've got something to talk about, and if you're a good and objective listener, you might help resolve your own issues and his, as well.
If you think you need help, find a good therapist (which are insanely difficult to find, but they do exist).
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