Quote:
Originally Posted by reds37win
If she needs the time, give it to her.
You have to believe she is not coming back. I'd say the odds are heavily weighted against you. I would also suggest you think hard to determine if the two of you together really constitutes a healthy relationship, considering the issues each of you have.
By the way, I applaud your efforts to seek therapy for anger management. What has/is she doing to address her BPD?
It's time to move on. If she really wanted to work things out, she would make more of a commitment to her return as you work through your anger issues, but it sounds like she is content to run away from trouble. Something to keep in mind if you continue talking to her.
Probably a good idea to start the search again...
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She was diagnosed bipolar 2 before her 20s and shes 27 now so shes dealt with it for a while and sees a psychologist every few months. The problem is her psychologist is in TN and also her regular therapist.
And thank you, Im trying to improve myself not just for her but for myself and any future relationships if thats the case.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy
I know this isn't what the OP wants to do, but he needs to cut all losses and run.
I say that because threads like these are less for 'advice' and more for venting and seeking moral support for wanting to continue with their relationship. That's because these people are in a cloud of hurt and emotional distress and cannot think clearly what the best option is for them.
There are so many issues with this relationship that clearly the best thing to do is to have self respect and move on to something a lot more healthy.
It's never a good feeling or good thing when you are the one being dumped. You suddenly lost that power. So when you basically grovel and beg for the other person to come back, it makes you look weak. And if the other person does come back, what makes you think they won't do it again? They certainly will never respect you again deep down inside.
And this lady has other issues including the bipolar thing. Another volatile problem.
When you're going to therapy to deal with anger problems and getting into arguments that blow up out of proportion, that is not a healthy relationship at all.
Why would you want to play along with the mind games this woman is playing? Long distance 'relationship?'
Come on guy, I know you're in a world of hurt now and can't think clearly, but hopefully in the long run you'll eventually see that no person is worth sacrificing your dignity and self respect for in order to maintain the illusion of a 'relationship.'
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Thank you. What youre saying is exactly what I'm feeling. As bad as a few arguments have been, it hurts me more having to try to keep a relationship when Im not really having that person to spend time with every day, eat with, go out with, etc
She doesnt think 6 months or a year is a long time. Im 30 and I know it is a long time, to be alone and not have the everyday adventures you can have with a BF/GF
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon
Bipolar is very different from Borderline, especially Bipolar Type 2. My wife is the latter and while occasional episodes can be somewhat uncomfortable at times and their durations are shorter and less intense. For me, running would have been tantamount to throwing the baby out with the bath water.
As to the matter at hand, OP, I'd give it time to see how it plays out, or not. But that only works if you care enough to take the chance and be patient.
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I agree, the bipolar 2 thing hasnt really been an issue with me and how we normally live our lives other than the occasional, moreso rare episodes. I just know that when she gets really upset, it makes her feel very anxious and she said she felt trapped with being in something unhealthy. So Im still not sure if anyone else would have tried before leaving or if this was going to happen regardless?
Well, today I'm driving through TN, kinda out of my way but Ill be killing two birds, giving her the rest of her stuff she left, and also seeing her again whether it be the last time or one of many. I'm going to try to talk to her again.
I know someone said I should have dignity and not beg but I'm going to lay out again what I want, what I'm willing to do (we both need to make improvements) and if she doesn't want to come back, I need to, painfully, let her know that I dont want a long distance thing.
Funny thing is, this AZ stint is temporary and wasnt going to last more than until this October, plans were to get established in the company, which Ive now done, then move permanently either back home or to our new Headquarters, 1/3rd of the distance to TN than AZ with more money and frequent trips to visit family or even maybe move to a regional office, which is in TN...
I'll keep you posted
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