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So I've been dating someone I met for about 3 weeks now.
We're not an "item", per se - at least, not yet - but there was chemistry on the first date. This will be our 4th (or is it 5th?) date, and will be the second time she's coming to my house for dinner (Yes, I'm cooking dinner, as I did last week when she was over.) She did share with me that she was a little apprehensive, 'cause (and this is only my deduction) she has a bit of low self-esteem. Her ex-hubby was an alcoholic and cheated on her; he eventually left her for another woman. She had a bf after her marriage - this ex-bf used to mistreat her, call her a "fat ****", (She is full-figured, but definitely not obese.) She says that she likes my "acting like a gentleman and a real man"; I say, "My dad taught me how to be a man!" I think she knows that I'm into her, and she's reciprocated. We haven't had sex yet, but I'm thinking, be prepared. I'm also trying to convince her that I'm no "drive-by", in that I want to build a relationship with her.
I'd be cautious and approach this situation carefully before fully investing your heart in her.
I'm always wary of people that pour out their character flaws and bad relationship past relatively early on in the courtship. Some may think it's refreshing honesty but I look at it differently. The way I look at it, when someone does that, it tells me they are less concerned about their dating partner and more about themselves and almost like a crutch if things don't work out ("don't blame me, look at how badly I was treated in past"). After all there is a reason why they say you should never talk about bad past relationships early on.
Also, this woman has been in two relationships where she hooked up with men who treated her badly. Along with her low self esteem, this can become an issue if she's going into a relationship with the proverbial nice guy. Some may think being super nice to such a woman will make her fall in love with him but not always.
Now before people jump on me for raining on the OP's parade, it's nothing like that. First off this is an open forum and differing opinions both positive and cautious are the norm. Second, I do hope things work out with the two.
Just based on personal experience, these types of people can be a challenge due to the past issues and low self esteem issues.
I'd be cautious and approach this situation carefully before fully investing your heart in her.
I'm always wary of people that pour out their character flaws and bad relationship past relatively early on in the courtship. Some may think it's refreshing honesty but I look at it differently. The way I look at it, when someone does that, it tells me they are less concerned about their dating partner and more about themselves and almost like a crutch if things don't work out ("don't blame me, look at how badly I was treated in past"). After all there is a reason why they say you should never talk about bad past relationships early on.
Also, this woman has been in two relationships where she hooked up with men who treated her badly. Along with her low self esteem, this can become an issue if she's going into a relationship with the proverbial nice guy. Some may think being super nice to such a woman will make her fall in love with him but not always.
Now before people jump on me for raining on the OP's parade, it's nothing like that. First off this is an open forum and differing opinions both positive and cautious are the norm. Second, I do hope things work out with the two.
Just based on personal experience, these types of people can be a challenge due to the past issues and low self esteem issues.
I am treading lightly on this one.
As far as the "Don't blame me....treated badly" cop-out, the way I see it, the past is the past! And I openly express it. I'm not afraid to speak my mind, and if she were to open that can, I'll close it but FAST!!!
Also, her having been with men who mistreated her, I'm kind of screening her to determine exactly what she wants. I've had some "bad boy" past experiences myself, but I like to think that I'm a bit wiser now. I'm being nice, sure, but I do have boundaries. As I've said, we're taking it slowly. If she was not interested, I seriously doubt that she'd be coming over for dinner. I'm making pot roast.
I am wondering what happened to the mentally ill shut-in he was banging.
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Thoughts?
