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I was commenting on the point that she said it was very self-centered of the spouse to go into another room to watch TV after coming back inside given that they were sitting there together watching a show together before he went outside to work on the car.
My parents will sit in different rooms and watch the same TV show and talk back and forth through the door. That's just what they do. It's funny to watch them watching the news because the TV in his room is HD and the TV in the bedroom isn't. The signals come in at a slight delay. My dad will watch the news and yell to my mom, "did you just see that story?" 5 seconds later the story comes on her TV in the bedroom. No, I don't think it's strange for a couple to watch TV in different rooms from time to time. No, I don't think my friend did anything wrong by showering and staying in the bedroom. She took that as a sign "he just doesn't want to be with me."
That's fine. People do what they want, of course.
However, figuring out what you AND your spouse both want and communicating about it and compromising on doing it are all important parts of marriage.
So ... when I read the TV story, to me it wasn't the fact that he chose to watch in another room that bothered her. It was that he didn't just let her know he was going to do so.
Some spouses (not all but some) inform each other when they are changing locations in the house. Not like a check-in thing, but just because they assume their spouse cares (and may even want to join them). It sounds like if the guy in your story had just said, upon coming in from outside, "Hey, I'm gonna shower and then watch American Ninja Warrior in the bedroom," the wife probably would have replied, "Ok!"
Some spouses don't prefer that kind of communication, and it's up to each couple to figure all that out.
As far as the TV thing goes, if my partner did what this guy did, I would assume that he was ticked off about something. No, it's not that we have to watch the same things, but if we're spending time together and one of us wants to do something else, we generally say something. It's simple. "Hey, if you need me, I'm going to be in the other room (or whatever)".
As far as I'm concerned, it's how we relate to one another, and has absolutely nothing to do with being married or not.
So if you were watching a sappy show he had no interest in watching you would still expect him to sit down with you and watch it? If you walked in the house and he was watching some sort of fishing show or auto mechanics program you'd plop down right next to him and watch it? I gather you're just dating and not married. See, those things change once you get married. Yes, I've been married before and did just like you when we were dating. I'd watch every "housewives" show she was into just to be close to her. After we got married I could care less to watch that drama. That didn't mean I was self-centered, it just meant I didn't want to watch what she was watching and wanted to see something else. There's a TV in the bedroom just for that case. No, I do not feel you should defriend anyone simply because they don't like your partner. That just means that I'm not going to force them to be friendly with you nor am I going to lock you two into a room and tell you not to come out until you iron out your problem. There are people I know who have never done anything to me but there's just something about them I don't like so I choose not to deal with them.
You appear to be angling for a fight with me. You come off as extremely confrontational and use a lot of assumptions to make your points.
I would not be with a person whose taste and interests were so radically different than my own. Truth be told, no one fights over what to watch on tv around here because we don't spend much time doing that. You can gather what you will, I've been married and you needn't school me on such things.
So your point is really about your own relations and not some friend. Truth comes out. The woman who watched shows you didn't like isn't the one who pulled a fast one on you - you were the deceptive one by changing your behavior after marriage. You might want to reconsider what you believe a relationship is about. It isn't about tv programs.
However, figuring out what you AND your spouse both want and communicating about it and compromising on doing it are all important parts of marriage.
So ... when I read the TV story, to me it wasn't the fact that he chose to watch in another room that bothered her. It was that he didn't just let her know he was going to do so.
Some spouses (not all but some) inform each other when they are changing locations in the house. Not like a check-in thing, but just because they assume their spouse cares (and may even want to join them). It sounds like if the guy in your story had just said, upon coming in from outside, "Hey, I'm gonna shower and then watch American Ninja Warrior in the bedroom," the wife probably would have replied, "Ok!"
Some spouses don't prefer that kind of communication, and it's up to each couple to figure all that out.
That's my friend to a T. he has always said that he doesn't need to be informed every time you are about to do something. He's told me times when he was on his job and she was on hers and she'd get mad because he didn't text or email her to let her know he was about to go to lunch. Why? Because she didn't want to send an email and then have to wait an hour or so before he gets back to his desk. She loves that constant communication even when they're not even at home. If he's 5 minutes late from getting home she starts texting and calling.
That's my friend to a T. he has always said that he doesn't need to be informed every time you are about to do something. He's told me times when he was on his job and she was on hers and she'd get mad because he didn't text or email her to let her know he was about to go to lunch. Why? Because she didn't want to send an email and then have to wait an hour or so before he gets back to his desk. She loves that constant communication even when they're not even at home. If he's 5 minutes late from getting home she starts texting and calling.
He may not like to communicate his actions, but his wife does. If he wants to keep her, he will have to compromise.
Willfully ignoring your spouse's preferences is careless, kind of cruel and yes, self-centered. Watching a different TV show isn't.
However, figuring out what you AND your spouse both want and communicating about it and compromising on doing it are all important parts of marriage.
So ... when I read the TV story, to me it wasn't the fact that he chose to watch in another room that bothered her. It was that he didn't just let her know he was going to do so.
Some spouses (not all but some) inform each other when they are changing locations in the house. Not like a check-in thing, but just because they assume their spouse cares (and may even want to join them). It sounds like if the guy in your story had just said, upon coming in from outside, "Hey, I'm gonna shower and then watch American Ninja Warrior in the bedroom," the wife probably would have replied, "Ok!"
Some spouses don't prefer that kind of communication, and it's up to each couple to figure all that out.
Your bolded statement is exactly why I said what I said in my first reply. It is the lack of communication. The OP has admitted that the whole 'friend' story is really about him, and also revealed that he is a bait and switch type of partner. I can see why he may have issues with relationships. Maybe time to switch off the boob tube, who knows?
You appear to be angling for a fight with me. You come off as extremely confrontational and use a lot of assumptions to make your points.
I would not be with a person whose taste and interests were so radically different than my own. Truth be told, no one fights over what to watch on tv around here because we don't spend much time doing that. You can gather what you will, I've been married and you needn't school me on such things.
So your point is really about your own relations and not some friend. Truth comes out. The woman who watched shows you didn't like isn't the one who pulled a fast one on you - you were the deceptive one by changing your behavior after marriage. You might want to reconsider what you believe a relationship is about. It isn't about tv programs.
No, I'm not trying to start a fight with anyone. I'm just relaying a message. It's not like they live in something like the White House or a mansion where each one is in a different wing. She was in the living room and he was around the corner in the bedroom after being outside for an hour. If there were sitting there watching TV and he just got up and went into the bedroom that would have been one thing. This guy went to go fix his tire that she knew had a nail in. He was outside for about an hour plugging it, taking the spare off, then putting the regular tire back on. He comes in hot and sweaty so she had been alone for an hour just watching TV all by herself. Was she wrong to assume he'd just sit back down with her?
He may not like to communicate his actions, but his wife does. If he wants to keep her, he will have to compromise.
Willfully ignoring your spouse's preferences is careless, kind of cruel and yes, self-centered. Watching a different TV show isn't.
But again, it's not about the TV show.
Just a question but are you saying that only he has to conform to her? Does she not need to give a little here too? Maybe she can cut back on the amount of communication she requires if she expects him to increase the amount of communication he gives.
I could not be married to the OP or to his friend.
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