Girlfriend Likes Gay Porn and I'm Not Into Porn At All; What To Do? (boyfriend, lesbian)

[jumpinjivinjoe]

I am a 24 yo male who is liberal, atheist, and enjoys sex....yet I am not into porn.
My girlfriend of almost two years has come to really enjoy gay porn. I am uncomfortable with it.

First of all I am not into porn in general. I feel that it creates callousness of sensual sensitivity. I feel like it promotes unrealistic stereotypes. I feel it dulls the experience in real life. Most resources I read such as texts on tantra, karezza, taoist and other high level sexual texts suggest against the use of porn.

Secondly while I have gay friends who are wonderful people, I don't agree with the concept of homosexuality. I feel it is an abnormal deviance (my problem not yours).

And thirdly, this is something I cannot join her in. Of course you might say “who says I need to join her in watching gay porn right, she can do it alone”. Well gay porn is important to her and I like to understand what is important to her. I like to be able to resonate with what arouses her. It's hard for me to have any input either good or bad without having experienced it and I don't want to watch it.

Part of it is the energy thing too. I feel like that energy and imagery sticks around and goes deep into the subconscious. Gay sex is not something I like her resonating with.

The internet forums say “if it's alright for the man to watch lesbian porn than it's alright for the the woman to watch gay porn”. This does not apply because I do not watch lesbian porn.

Watching porn is the “normal” thing to do in America. It is one of the most searched for things on the internet. Does that mean it's good though?

Don't get me wrong I like to admire tasteful artistic pictures of the feminine form, but I don't seek out anything explicit or any videos. I feel like I am the odd man out in my generation for not being into porn.

She feels somewhat ashamed for watching it because she knows my feelings on it.

I feel like I am the bad one here. I feel like I should be more open minded. I should be more accepting. I should be more tolerant. I should appreciate her sexual freedom. I should support and encourage what feels good to her. Most sexually receptive and open minded men would be fine with her porn consumption. Most men would be relieved that she likes porn.

I am trying to figure out how to support her without giving up my convictions. (Though I would rather her just not watch porn).

How should I approach this?

Is her desire for gay porn and my opposition to porn and homosexuality a deal breaker?

Thank you for your thoughts and input!

[hawaiiancoconut]

Either accept it, or get a new girlfriend who shares your beliefs.

[DefiantNJ]

I would give you the same answer as I gave to women who did not want their man to watch porn. As the previous poster says, you either have to accept it to some extent or find another girlfriend. But you don't get to completely sensor what she watches and neither should she. You are both adults.


Another question is do you think she is addicted to gay porn and needs it in order to get excited? Is she watching it for hours every day? If so, then of course this is a serious issue.


But if not, you have let her known that you are uncomfortable with gay porn so she knows. Maybe ask that she does not watch it around you or discuss it too much. If you are not living together then what is a big deal if she watches it in the privacy of her home? But if you (theoretically) move in together then you might have to negotiate some reasonable boundaries with which you can both live in regards to this issue.

[reneeh63]

I've not really heard of cases where women are overly into porn...at least to the same extent as guys and usually women are more private about it. That makes me think it is a much bigger deal to you and that you likely won't be able to get past it. Rather than bug her and make her feel bad about it I think you are just incompatible - sorry.

[Zeurich]

How do you know she watch gay pron films? you spy on her computer? or she does in front of you?

[Summer_Rain]

As long as she isn't "addicted" to porn I don't see the problem. It's just a bit of fantasy. Would you be so bothered if she was watching other types of porn or is it the "gay" that makes you so uncomfortable? If you both have different views on homosexuality, THAT might be a problem (and not porn).

And why do you have to "support" her in her viewing habits? When I'm in a relationship, I still watch porn in occasion. I don't usually mention it to my boyfriend as it's "private Summer_Rain time"

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut

Either accept it, or get a new girlfriend who shares your beliefs.

This

And PS, despite you'e wanting to think so, you're not a better person than those people that watch porn.

[Ginge McFantaPants]

You're allowed to not be okay with porn; it doesn't make you a "bad" person. But she enjoys it, and you need to be honest with yourself about whether it's worth ending the relationship over, especially if she's watching it on her own time.

[jumpinjivinjoe]

DeviantNJ,

I don't think she is addicted to it. She just really enjoys it and does not want to give it up and I am not going to tell her what to to do or how to do it. She has to come to her own conclusions regardless of what I think.

I don't want her to change for me. I want her to change for herself.

Zeurich,

I know because she told me on different occasions. We have a very transparent honest relationship.

Summer_Rain,

Porn in general makes me a bit uncomfortable but the gay part just adds another "notch" to my "disdain dial".

Indeed our different views about homosexuality might be a problem. But I feel that is something I might have to accept because I am a very different person in my peer group. For example I need to be with someone in their 20's who is liberal, non-religious, and sexually receptive and doesn't agree with homosexuality and doesn't watch porn?

Sure I could try to find someone who is a prude...but then I couldn't tolerate their frigidness.

I could find someone who is religious....but then I couldn't stand their dogmaticness.

I could find someone conservative...but then I couldn't stand their rules and intolerance.

My girlfriend and I are compatible on so many levels. It would be hard to break up with her just over her porn use. Yet I am not sure I can ever fully accept it. Oye!

[1986pacecar]

Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't liberals more tolerant of people's sexual preferences and conservatives generally deeply opposed to homosexuality? You don't sound too liberal in that regard, citing your disdain for intolerance yet here you are being intolerant. Sounds a wee bit hypocritical.